


Over Time

by Dani_Chameleon



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Abuse, Accidental Cuddling, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apartments, Awkwardness, Cuddling, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Drunk Racetrack Higgins, F/F, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Italian Racetrack Higgins, M/M, POV First Person, POV Spot Conlon, Rain, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Soft Spot Conlon, Spot Conlon is Bad at Feelings, Touch-Starved, awkward first meetings, cuddle buddies, javid - Freeform, spot conlon more like soft conlon, sprace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:42:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24241504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dani_Chameleon/pseuds/Dani_Chameleon
Summary: Spot met Racetrack on a Friday night.It all went from there.(and I cannot stress this enough) SLOW BURNI don't know where this is going- please excuse that fact I promise it's pretty good I'm pretty proud.IMPORTANT THOUGH: In this fanfiction, there will be heavy topics some of which may include but are not limited to: abuse, domestic abuse, past rape/non-con, self harm, suicide/suicidal thoughts; there may be flashbacks to abuse, domestic abuse, rape/non-con, self harm, suicide/suicidal thoughts. This is triggering to some people, and if it is to you please do not read this fanfiction.^I will probably say which chapters include what, but they are key points in the plot and it will be hard to follow if you don't read them.-Won't be included in 'newsies works' because of it's length
Relationships: Crutchie & Finch (Newsies), Crutchie/Finch (Newsies), David Jacobs & Jack Kelly, David Jacobs/Jack Kelly, Kid Blink & Mush Meyers, Kid Blink/Mush Meyers, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sarah Jacobs & Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, Sarah Jacobs/Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, Spot Conlon & Racetrack Higgins, Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 88
Kudos: 66





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter One~  
> Chapter two might be out later?
> 
> I don't know where this is going- please excuse that fact I promise it's pretty good I'm pretty proud.
> 
> I do not know how long this is going to be. I had this idea while driving through the woods. It was just going to be a couple hundred words and now it's 5,000 in two chapters? This will probably spiral to be at least 15,000 words minimum? Ahahaa~
> 
> ^Most characters from the musical are only mentioned (except Katherine-) because I have yet to finish it- don't attack me- and I don't know how to write them so... sorry..? I wanted to tag them though because I mention them.
> 
> IMPORTANT THOUGH: In this fanfiction, there will be heavy topics some of which may include but are not limited to: abuse, domestic abuse, past rape/non-con, self harm, suicide/suicidal thoughts; there may be flashbacks to abuse, domestic abuse, rape/non-con, self harm, suicide/suicidal thoughts. This is triggering to some people, and if it is to you please do not read this fanfiction.
> 
> ^I will probably say which chapters include what, but they are key points in the plot and it will be hard to follow if you don't read them.
> 
> I got a feeling this will be the start of... something?
> 
> I might post some fluff inbetween in seperate posts because your girl needs a break from this angst whew-
> 
> I hope you enjoy~!

One

It was a Friday when Spot met Race. 

It was raining and I was just getting off of work from the restaurant. It was pouring and I was standing under the roof of some stationary shop. I was getting ready to run, tucking my bag under my arm as I prepared to go. The sidewalks were empty, and I’d only seen three cars pass in the ten minutes I’d waited for the rain to let up. I let out one more shaky breath as I took a step out. I stopped in his tracks when I heard a voice from the road. 

“Hey!” Someone called, their words somewhat slurring. I looked up to see someone leaning out the window of a van. There were five people inside, two in the front, two in the back, and the guy yelling in the middle. They all seemed like they were having a good time, the driver looked tired, but smiling nonetheless. “Get in-!” He shouted. 

“What?” I asked, not sure what I was asking. The guy driving leaned back so I could see him,

“We aren’t going to steal you or anything, but it’s pouring. We’re just driving around and-” The person in the passenger seat rolled down his window, shouting to me,

“You wanna come to a party??” I froze, “If not- we’ll drop you off where ever-”

“They’re drunk. Er- kind of... I’m not- I promise.” The person driving said. 

“What’s the party for?” I asked after a moment. Someone behind them popped out, he had an eyepatch. I couldn’t see much else. 

“Bunch of people gettin’ together for a movie. We all got a partner for the thing, ‘cept for Race.” He ruffled the hair of the guy who yelled to me first. 

“Hey-” He protested before eyepatch-guy continued. 

“We ain’t drunk- just buzzed. It’ll be a good time- we had rough stuff at work. You should come. Ya’ seem like a fun guy, jump in.” He waved. The guy driving spoke up again.

“If you want to come- we aren’t making you.” He said. I paused a moment, glancing up at the rain.

Maybe it was the fact that the rain wasn’t going to let up, or maybe it was that I had a rough week at work too, but I got in the van. 

I jogged up to the car door as I heard cheers from inside. Everyone tried talking at once, eventually the voices faded out as the guy driving started speaking again. 

“My name’s David,” He said, “We’re going to Race’s apartment for a movie night kind of party thing. Well- you know that already.” He paused a moment,

“Why’d you drink  _ before _ the party?” I asked,

“I’m… not sure. Everyone was just kind of getting together… got bored, went for a drive. We needed more to drink, anyways.” He motioned to the cases of beer and other alcohol by my feet. “No one is really  _ drunk _ , mostly buzzed. He can’t hold his alcohol too well, though.” He motioned to the guy sitting beside me. I glanced to see him staring at me. “The two in the back are Kid Blink and Mush, the guy next to me is Jack. The guy next to you is Racetrack… he’s a little more than tipsy. He just loses his filter, says and does whatever he thinks” He said, pursing his lips slightly. I got a bunch of waves as he introduced people. I turned to the guy next to me- Racetrack. He seemed to realize all at once he’d been staring for a good few minutes and shook his head, almost shivering. He tapped the guy in front of him- Jack. He made an attempt at a whisper, but was still talking at a normal volume. 

“Jack- Jackie-” He stopped, meeting the other boy’s gaze. His eyes were wide and he tilted his head towards me, “Look at him.” Jack glanced over at me a moment, raising an eyebrow. “He’s real-” He paused, his eyebrows going up and his eyes wider. “He’s real pretty-” He smiled wide. Jack looked back at me, shrugging. I was too surprised to be insulted. 

“He’s got nice eyes,” He spoke much quieter. Race paused, thinking. I heard muffled giggles from behind me. Blink leaned towards me, waving me closer. I leaned back. 

“If he gets all sweet on ya’, just know he don’t normally do that.” He whispered. I nodded, turning my attention back to the two of them. Race’s face was turned down, looking more upset, maybe confused? Frustrated?

“He’s good looking… he probably ain’t into guys…” He said, a little quieter. Jack looked at me, squinting a moment.

“Just ask,” He said to Race. He shook his head quickly, his eyes wide.

“No- he’d know what I was thinking! Maybe he’d get mad and-”

“Hey, new guy-” Jack called, I turned to him as Race attempted to cover his mouth. I looked for a few seconds as Jack tried to speak, and Race didn’t let him.

“Um-” They both turned to me. “Name’s Spot. And… um…” I paused, “I’m very, very gay.” I said. Race’s face lit up and he turned away way too late in an attempt to hide it. Jack turned back to him,

“See.” He said, turning back around. Jack and Davey spoke to each other, and one glance to the back of the van I learned that Blink and Mush were at least a little more than friends. I turned to start a conversation with Race. He stared at me for a few seconds.

“Spot?” He said. 

“Hmm?” 

“What do you…” He paused, thinking. “What do you ask someone you just met?” He asked. I shrugged,

“I say screw first introductions.” He looked at me a moment, as though he’d never thought of that.

“Well… what do you ask someone that’s not first-introductions-like?” He asked. I shrugged, thinking, 

“I don’t know, I’m not the most interesting person in the world.” He furrowed his brow at me,

“I’d disagree.” I raised an eyebrow at him, 

“You barely know me.” 

“I’m good at reading people,” He shrugged, sliding down the seat and propping his knees up on the back of Jack’s seat. “You seem interesting.” He kept his gaze locked on mine. 

“Why Racetrack?” I asked after a few moments. He looked out the window for a few seconds. I Thought he’d ended the conversation before he turned back to me. 

“I gamble.” He said simply. I nodded, “Why Spot?” I shrugged, 

“I have freckles.” I said. He leaned closer to me, looking for them. I tilted my head up slightly, “You can see ‘em easier after I’m in the sun.” He nodded, 

“I can see ‘em a little bit, they’re cute.” He said, leaning back again. He relaxed for a second before sitting up again, “I mean- in a totally not attractive way-” He tried to correct. “God, I’m just making this worse, aren’t I?” He looked at me. I gave him a half-smile,

“I get it,” I smiled. He met my gaze again. He started a sentence, but paused a few times. 

“I’m not sure what to say.” He paused a second. Everyone in the van was quiet as he spoke, “I always know what to say…” He stopped again, “You got me speechless.” He gave me a wide grin. I blushed slightly. Just as I started to come up with a response, David spoke up.

“We’re here.” He said, followed by the clicking of seatbelts being released. We all piled out of the vehicle, I followed them up to a decent apartment. I stood in the corner, unsure of what to do. Jack walked up to me after a few minutes, handing me a drink. It was stupid of me, but I drank it  **(Please** don’t let fanfiction convince you this is a good idea- literally do nothing that is stated here- Spot is an absolute idiot for the purpose of having the guys meet. Please do not get in a vehicle with strangers, and if you are at a party do not accept a drink from somebody else- unless they’re your best friends but still be cautious- and don’t leave your drink anywhere. If you do, dump it out-  **do** **_not_ ** **drink it)** . It tasted alright, I couldn’t complain. I didn’t pay for it.

“You don’t gotta stand all by yourself in the corner, y’know.” He said after a moment, I nodded,

“I don’t really know… what to do..?” I said after a moment. 

“Fair,” He turned to me now, “You’re all… mysterious.” He settled on that word after a moment. He sipped his drink as an excuse for silence. “What’s your deal?” He asked.

“I… I’m not too sure of that, either.” I shrugged. He nodded,

“That’s alright. I don’t know either. I mean, I know a few things, but that’s all I got.” He shrugged. Suddenly, Race popped his head around the corner. He’d stopped drinking already. He was still a little tipsy, but more sober than some of the other guys now. 

“Mush wanted to watch a movie- that’s goin’ on. Stop whispering- we all wanna know what’s goin’ on with him, talk a little louder.” He said before he went back to the couch. I shrugged at the same time as Jack. He got me another drink- I’d quickly finished mine (it wasn’t the best week- you can’t judge me) and we met on the couch. He sat in a small one person seat with Davey, the other boy practically sitting in his lap. Mush and Blink sat on the ground, propped up against one another. I was sitting on the other, very small, couch with Racetrack. The movie was something fairly interesting, something about a kid’s strike from 1890 somethin’.

I ended up dozing off on the couch, waking up in the morning to the smell of pancakes. I looked over to see Mush and Blink cooking together. They danced sillily around each other, smiling wide at each other, as if nothing else existed. I decided after a few seconds that (a.) I should lay back down, let them have their nice moment because (I am stone cold and not affected by anything) it was cute as all hell, and (b.) that it wasn’t really something I should be watching- that was something personal for them. 

I decided after 20 minutes (my growling stomach decided- pancakes make me hungry and these ones smelled damn good) that they had enough fun. I’m not mean- promise. I sat up slowly, stretching and yawning loudly to make my presence known. Blink blushed lightly, but Mush just beamed at me, putting a pancake on a plate and sliding it across the counter towards me. He rest his elbows on the counter, speaking to me,

“You part of the group now?” He asked. I shrugged,

“I don’t know if that’s really my choice,” I took a bite of a pancake. “Holy shit- how’d you make this??” I half-shouted. Mush glanced over a Blink, smiling wide. 

“He cooks,” Mush said, “Made the recipe himself.” He turned back to me. “If you wanna be a part of everything, you just gotta talk to everyone. Don’t be a dick, simple as that. We aren’t too picky.” He chuckled. “Everyone here likes you, anyways.”

“Really?” 

“Mhm, there’s some other people. Sarah and Kath, Romeo, Specs, Albie… The list goes on, but it’s mostly just us that hangs out so often.” He said. “We live over there, Davey and Jack live on the other side of the apartment. We’re three in a row,” He smiled, 

“This is Racetrack’s place?” He nodded, I looked around. It wasn’t messy, a little cluttered but isn’t everything? He had knick knacks lying around, it was a nice little place. 

“Not too bad, is it?” I shook my head,

“Not too bad.” 

  
  


I ended up leaving with Jack’s phone number who insisted that “you should come back- everyone likes you and you didn’t seem like you had an awful time. The more the merrier” along with: “This is in no way flirting, by the way. You seem sweet, I just… got my eyes on someone else for the moment.” I was invited the next movie night, which was apparently a thing they did every Friday night. 

Pretty soon, it wasn’t just Friday. I hung out with the guys as often as they hung out with each other. I met everyone else that Mush had mentioned and, as I was sitting around with everyone at a cafe, everyone laughing until we couldn’t breathe, I realized that I was happy, that I was just as much a part of the group as Mush or Blink, or Davey or Jack, or Race or any of them. I smiled at the thought, taking another sip of my black coffee (Racetrack, about ten minutes prior: “Spot- you can’t actually  _ like _ the stuff. No- I don’t believe you. It’s  _ black coffee _ . Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting and I refuse to believe you. Racetrack, five minutes after that while everyone was ordering: No- oh my God, Spot, don’t actually get it I was joking I won’t torture you in such an awful way, I’m not a monster no no- order something else-!) I set the cup down, it was almost empty. Race shook his head at me, play-gagging. 

Yeah, I was happy with the guys and my black coffee.


	2. Fire Escape of Positivity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're kicking things off-
> 
> Spot wakes up in the middle of movie night. Everyone was asleep- except for Race. Spot attempts to comfort him, learning a little more about his past. They make a deal out on the fire escape at two-something in the morning.
> 
> What could the deal be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two here we go!
> 
> I like this one ngl-
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading~!
> 
> -TRIGGER WARNING-  
> Hinted at past abuse/rape/non-con in this chapter. Please do not read if this is a trigger for you as the reader.

Two

It was almost eight months after I met everyone, and it wasn’t like we needed an invitation. We just sent a message to the group chat saying which apartment we were in. This week for movie night, it was some action movie about the future at Race’s (It wasn’t his every time- it was just coincidence, promise). I left my own apartment, bringing a case of beer. We rotated who brought drinks each time, nobody complained. I just had to walk across the street to get to everyone, it worked out pretty nice.

We settled down to watch the movie. Race was drinking more than he usually did, and when anybody asked he just brushed it off. I was worried, and kept looking over casually to make sure he was alright. He was drunk at this point, he might’ve had some drinks before I got there.

I noticed about thirty minutes in that Race wasn’t too interested. He kept glancing over at me with wide eyes. I met his gaze after what must’ve been the tenth time. I gave him a gentle smile. His face flushed red and he turned his gaze back to the tv. I caught him looking again about fifteen minutes later. 

“Hey,” I whispered, adjusting myself in the seat, setting my cup on the end table beside me. I turned towards him slightly. 

“H-hi.” He said, eyes still wide. He looked up at me through soft, doe eyes. His head was tilted slightly to the side, though I don’t think he meant for it to be. 

“I’m not… too good with words? Or… avoiding subjects. I don’t like it much- I’m just gonna get to the point.” He looked up at me, nodding slightly for me to go on. “Why do ya’ keep lookin’ at me?” I asked, careful to keep my voice down still. He paused a moment. 

“You’re like…” He paused, probably for dramatic effect, “I dunno how to phrase it, y’know? You just look comfy but I don’t wanna do somethin’ dumb.” He said bluntly. I thought a moment,

“What do ya’ mean, ‘comfy,’?” 

“Y’know- you look like you’d be nice to hug and cuddle with. You got good huggin’ arms.” He reached out, his fingertips brushing just below my shoulder. “We ain’t stupid, Spot. You’re strong as fuck- you look damn good. You’d give really nice hugs.” He repeated. I thought for a second before responding,

“You look like you’d be nice to hug n’ cuddle with.” His eyes widened and he sat up straighter. 

“W-what?” 

“It’s an invitation,” I smiled warmly, pushing away the smirk that was there previously. 

“Ya’ mean it?”

“Why not,” I shrugged. He smiled before quietly moving over towards me. I laid down on the couch, resting my legs where he sat previously and my head on the arm of the couch. He made himself small beside me, nervously wrapping an arm around my waist. I pulled him into me, feeling him nuzzle into my chest, now fighting to keep his eyes open. “You’re allowed to sleep, y’know.” I whispered. He looked up at me through tired eyes. 

“You gotta promise me two things if I do.” He said after a moment. I nodded for him to continue, “First- don’t let the dumbasses draw on me.” I smiled, nodding,

“Sure, no problem. At least ‘til I pass out. Then we might both wake up with sharpie.” He gave a quiet chuckle.

“Good, good… second, don’t leave me. You’re super warm and if I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re gone I’ll be cold so don’t.” He said in one breath. I took a moment to realize what he had said.

“No problem with that, either.” I rubbed his back, tilting my head slightly so it was above his. 

  
  


I woke up in the middle of the night to see him panicking next to me. His hands ran through his hair, pulling at it as he made himself even smaller. I sat up, rubbing my eyes,

“Hey, hey…” I said softly. He looked up at me, startled. He wiped his face quickly,

“Hi.” He said. 

“You alright?”

He chuckled,

“Peachy.” 

I reached out my hand. 

  
“C’mon,” I whispered. He took my hand after a moment. I walked him around the apartment, trying to remember tiredly where some of the stuff was. I found cups in the kitchen, filling one with cold water. I handed it to him, he took it thankfully with shaky hands. I squinted around. I couldn’t find any spare blankets. I let out a shaky breath, taking off my sweatshirt. I handed it to him. He was still in his tank top, and the place was cold.

“I couldn’t-”

“I’m offering, it’s gonna sit on the couch if you don’t take it.” I set it next to him. He looked at it for a few minutes while I busied myself with the fridge. I turned around to see him wearing it. I walked up to him, reaching out my hand slowly. He didn’t flinch so bad when I rubbed his back. “What had you all in a panic?” I asked. 

“I- I haven’t-” He swallowed nervously, shaking harder. I put my hands over his. “I haven’t gotten that drunk and done anything since- I haven’t cuddled or- or done anything like that since-” He dug his fingernails into his palms, “It doesn’t matter.” I gently took his fingers away from his palm, only glancing at the half-moon mark they left. 

“Hey… you don’t have to tell me, okay? Only if you want to. I get it- it’s probably personal and I don’t want to intrude. You can trust me, Race. You don’t have to tell me- please don’t feel pressured to tell me, but if there’s some way I can help then I’ll do all that I can.” I said. I meant it.

“Why?” He asked after a few seconds.

“You’re a really good guy… these guys know you more than I do, they’ve known you longer but… I dunno… I’d help you out no matter what. I got you, y’know?” I said. He looked up at me through shiny eyes. He wiped them quickly. When he looked up at me again, he seemed… masked. 

“I’ll be alright,” He mumbled. 

“I’ll leave it be, then.” I met his gaze, “How much of what happened do you remember?” 

“Last night?” I nodded, “Well… you brought drinks, we started watching the movie… I drank way too much… I don’t remember anything else… I just woke up all warm and- and I just couldn’t breathe.”

“Okay…” I started, “You seemed… off… I won’t dig at ya’, I was just worried, y’know? I kept looking over at ya’ and you were lookin’ at me too, so I asked you what it was and… um-” He raised an eyebrow at me,

  
“I didn’t like- do anything bad, right?” I shook my head, chuckling.

“You told me that- er… that I have ‘nice cuddling arms’.” His face grew red, “Said I would be nice to hug ‘n cuddle, said I was all strong ‘n stuff.” I teased

“Oh no- I’m so sorry-” He made an attempt to hide his face,

“No, no, it’s alright, it was nice and I didn’t mind. But you made me promise you I wouldn’t go…” I paused, questioning whether or not I should ask anything else. “Have you… have you been left before like that?” I asked quietly. He sighed,

“I haven’t trusted anybody since him. I haven’t gotten that drunk, barely any physical contact except for these guys, and that’s like… shoulder-punches… I didn’t want to do this tonight… at least not like this…” I felt guilt forming inside me. 

“I’m sorry- I should’ve asked-”

“I did everything to you, you have nothing to apologize for.” He sat down, rubbing his forehead. “If you want to go, you can. I don’t blame you.” He mumbled. I sat down across from him,

“Unless that’s a nice way of kicking me out, I was wondering if I could stay a little while.” He looked up, smiling tiredly.

“Sure, no problem.”

We sat quietly for a while, I broke the silence.

“Wanna go outside?” I asked. He nodded,

“Sure,” We stepped out onto the fire escape, looking around. It’d stopped raining from earlier, and the night sky was clear. Every light from the sky was reflected off the streets, off every puddle in a leaf. I looked over at Racetrack, 

He was beautiful. His messy, dark hair over his forehead. His lips were parted slightly in amazement, and his eyes captured the light of every star combined. The moon illuminated his long, dark eyelashes and rosy cheeks. The tip of his nose was blushed slightly, probably from the cold. He was wearing my hoodie. It was way too big on me but only a little big on him, along with sweatpants. The edges of his lips curved up into a smile, and the mask seemed to come off for a brief moment. He turned to me,

“Now who’s lookin’ at who,” He teased. I turned away, hoping the dark would hide my blush. He closed the distance between us, wrapping an arm hesitantly around my waist. I looked down at him, hoping I didn’t look so concerned as I felt.

“You don’t have to do this… everything that you just said…” I let the sentence fade out.

“Do you want to know the difference? Why I don’t mind it with you?” He asked. I nodded, looking at him. “His touch was mean… demanding. He didn’t ask, he only took.

“Your touch is kind, gentle and soft. You look a little… scary? Intimidating? I don’t know… it makes how nice you are… somehow better? It makes someone feel special… deserving of it, even when they thought they never would be.” He finished. I looked at him, now that he stood up fully, I had to look up. I didn’t realize the tears brimming my eyes until I blinked and they rolled down my cheeks. I hugged him before I could give it a second thought, holding him tightly into my body and pressing my face into his chest. I sniffled, wiping my eyes with my shoulder. “Hey… it’s alright… I didn’t mean to-” I cut him off,

“Thank you…” I paused, pulling back just enough to look up into his eyes. “Thank you so much.” Maybe it was that he was still a little drunk, maybe it was that I was still a little drunk too, but I opened up to this guy I’d only met a couple months ago, sitting on the fire escape of the apartment I’d been in a what felt like a million times.

“I didn’t think I’d ever be… well, deserving… I’d never deserve to hold someone, or to be held. I never got the chance, I… I dropped my sister when she was younger… I got beat for it… she was only a few months old- she’s okay, promise… I just-” I paused, letting out a shaky breath. “I ran away from home… that wasn’t the first or last time I got beat. I just… left. I haven’t held another baby, or anyone, for that matter. I made myself look mean so no one would ask but then… you’re here, and you didn’t care.” I said. I realized all at once I’d let my own mask fall, quickly hiding myself behind it again once I thought about it. “I don’t know… doesn’t matter much… I’m still no good at it.” I shrugged, trying to make a joke of it. 

“I still flinch… when someone touches my sides.” He let out a shaky breath, “I’m used to being touched on my shoulders but- but when someone touches my sides, the inside of my arms, my legs and thighs ‘n stuff… mostly my sides; my sides are real bad. I get all locked up and I can’t hear anything… I’m good at hiding it, though. The guys don’t know much about it, I can’t blame ‘em.” He looked up from his shoes, meeting my gaze. “I’m no good at being held.”

“That’s okay, you had stuff happen. Anyone who still does stuff you’re uncomfortable with is a dick, they should ask you what they can and can’t do.” I furrowed my eyebrows, “You shouldn’t say you aren’t good at it, you just aren’t used to it.” 

“Then you aren’t bad at holding someone, you’re just not used to it either.” 

“But-”

“Nope- we don’t talk about ourselves negatively on this fire escape. We don’t have any of that.” He said quickly, his tone more joking. “This is the fire escape of… positivity!” He exclaimed as softly as he could. I smiled,

“The fire escape of positivity.” I agreed. We sat quietly for a few minutes, each of us thinking in the silence. 

“Well… to get better at something, you have to practice…” I nodded, “It’s easier to practice with someone who isn’t too good either, right?” I paused,

“Are you proposing that we become cuddle buddies?” I asked after a few seconds, he nodded. 

“Cuddle buddies.” I thought for a moment,

“Sure, we’re cuddle buddies now.” I smiled softly, looking over at him. 

“We gotta make some rules, okie dokie?” He said. I nodded, “No alcohol- at least for the first while.”

“No staying quiet if you’re uncomfortable,” I added,

“If you wanna talk, you can talk.”

“Movies and tv shows are very allowed.” 

“Non-alcoholic drinks such as warm tea, coffee, and hot chocolate are fantastic.”

“Fuzzy blankets and socks?” He nodded, smiling wide.

“Now we’re just listing off things we like,” He chuckled, “Any other actual rules?” I thought a few seconds,

“Are we an open or closed cuddle buddy deal?” I asked, he paused, thinking.

“I’m not gonna be in a relationship with anyone… and I won’t do anything past little stuff with those guys,” He nodded towards the apartment, “Mush and Blink are together, and Jack and Davey have basically been for the past four years.” He shrugged, “We still do stupid stuff. Once I cuddled with Davey during a movie, but he was terrified out of his mind and Jack wasn’t there.” He said. I nodded,

“I don’t mind that, I’m not gonna be datin’ anyone either. I don’t really do anything with anyone, but I really don’t mind.”

“No other cuddle buddies? For both of us?” I nodded,

“No other cuddle buddies.” I smiled. We shook hands, “I feel like I’m signing a contract or somethin’.” He chuckled,

“Just sold your soul for some cuddles,” He smirked. I bit my lip, smiling harder. 

“So is this like a… scheduled thing or..?”

“Let’s shoot for… Monday, Wednesday, Friday? Weekends are whenever, just let me know if you want to. You can cancel whenever, I’m not gonna get mad or nothin’. Fridays we have movie nights, you normally come to those.” He smiled, “Maybe not do all the stuff that’s like… advanced cuddling. The other guys are relentless when it comes to making fun of everyone. I don’t mind, but I don’t wanna drag you into everything.” He smirked. I shrugged,

“I don’t mind, and whatever days work.” I said. 

“It’s a deal,” He said,

“It’s a deal.”

  
  


And so, the cuddle buddy deal was made on the fire escape of positivity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!
> 
> Kudos and Comments make my day!
> 
> -Especially comments with constructive criticism or little theories or like literally anything I love to hear from you guys-


	3. In Which They Cuddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot and Racetrack meet up for the first time for their new 'cuddle buddy' arrangement, and they meet up a second.
> 
> Basically me writing fluff and a sappy Spot for 1,300 words.
> 
> Enjoy the fluff while it's here - the angst will most definitely be coming soon-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg the comments I've been getting-  
> My heart is MELTING thank you guys so much the comments are so sweet!  
> Honestly though this chapter is just so much fluff they deserve it though I'm about to mess stuff up-  
> Thank you guys for reading,
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

We’d planned it for the following Monday, our first ‘session’ together. I pressed my hand to my chest, feeling my heart hammering against it. Why was it doing that? I don’t know- don’t care. We were just helping each other out, it’d be fine. 

I tried my hardest to focus on the tv screen, watching some movie that I’d picked up halfway through. I heard a knock on the door and stood up, rubbing my eyes. I walked up to it, opening it to see a nervous looking Race. He was mid-pace when I caught him, giving him a smirk. He smiled softly,

“Hey, Race.” 

“Hi Spot.” He responded,

“Wanna come inside?”

“I think I have to,” He joked (he was joking- right?) as he stepped inside. He sat on my couch, sitting up a little straighter than he normally did when he came over. I closed the door behind me, sitting down just a little closer than I normally would, or legs almost touching. 

“You still wanna do this?” He met my gaze,

“Challenging me, Spottie?” 

“Never,” I shook my head, “I wanna make sure you still wanna do this, Racer.” He nodded,

“Yeah, I do.” He said.

“Okay- tell me the second it’s too much, alright?” I said. He nodded,

“Same for you- even though I don’t think you will… I don’t wanna put you through what I did…” He said. I nodded, 

“I’ll just do little stuff at first, alright?” I paused. “Wait- you want something to drink? Blankets or any tv recommendations?” I asked,

“Just water… and if you had a fluffy blanket that’d be nice.” I stood up from the couch, getting the things he requested. I sat down next to him, flipping the blanket out over us. I waited a little bit, watching the movie with him before I took his hand in mine, just absentmindedly playing with his fingertips, running mine over his slowly. I moved down his hand after a few minutes, running my fingers over the back of his hand, eventually going in and interlocking our fingers. I heard his breath catch in his throat. I decided that it was enough for now, sitting back on the couch, closing my eyes just enough so it wasn’t obvious I was looking over at him instead of the movie. His lips were parted slightly, his eyes flickering with the lights from the TV. His tongue would flick out every few minutes to hydrate his partially-chapped lips. He bit his tongue at every exciting part in the movie, his hand interlocked with mine unintentionally gripping a little harder. Fly away pieces of his damp hair clung to his forehead, the rest pushed back. He smelled like… I don’t know, but it was good. My best guess was a mix of old spice, or maybe some cheap shampoo and his cologne. I didn’t realize I was basically staring at him until he met my gaze. He gave me a soft smile, squeezing my hand a little bit. My heart leapt to my throat as he turned back to the TV.

I watched the movie for a little while longer before I yawned, checking the time. It was already nine o’clock, he’d gotten here at six. I looked over at him again before resting my head on his shoulder, moving closer to him and resting our interlocked hands on his thigh. I closed my eyes, taking in his smell and getting dangerously close to dozing off. 

I opened my eyes as he tapped me on the shoulder gently, speaking in a soft voice.

“Spottie? You up?” He asked,

“Mhmm…” I mumbled,

“I gotta go- I have work tomorrow.” He said. I nodded,

“Okay… yeah, alright.” I lifted my head up, rubbing my eyes. “Was that awful?” I asked,

“What?”

“The whole cuddling thing- I didn’t wanna do too much…”

“Oh- yeah it was fine, it was good.” He smiled at me again, standing up. He grabbed his phone and stuff, making his way towards the door. “Try again Wednesday?”

“Wednesday,” I nodded. He opened up my door, ready to walk out. I was tired, I was stupid. “Wait- Race,” He turned to face me. What did I want to say? I stood up, hurriedly waddling over to the door. I pulled him in for a hug, longing for his touch again. I tucked my head into his neck, I pulled back, looking around awkwardly for a moment, “T-that’s all, you can go now.” He smiled down at me,

“Sap. The tough Spot Conlon is a sap.” He said. I shook my head.

“Am not-” He started out the door,

“Sap-!” He shouted, closing the door before I could protest. I looked back at the couch, letting out a soft sigh.

What did I get myself into?

It was Wednesday and I’d cleaned up my apartment when he came over. I paused my music, opening up the door. He smiled at me, walking in and draping himself over the couch. 

“Today’s a good day.” He said, smiling to himself with his eyes closed.

“Why’s that?”

“Why not?” He said, “Nothing bad happened, and it’s a good day.” He concluded.

“Not bad reasoning, I guess.” I shrugged. He nodded, smiling wider. 

“Not bad reasoning.” He repeated. 

I finished cleaning up the apartment, made us some food and poured drinks (we followed our rules- it was tea, no alcohol). We sat on the couch, eating for a few minutes with small talk.

“Do you want a movie this time?”

“I don’t care,” He mumbled between bites.

“You have anything you wanna talk about?” He shrugged.

“You?”

“Mmmm… I don’t know,” I said. I paused, a few seconds of an awkward silence passed before we blurted out the same thing,

“Was it bad last time?” We stared at each other before laughing. He spoke first,

“I mean- it just seemed like you didn’t like it-”

“Really? I just thought you didn’t- I thought it was nice,” I said, smiling a little wider. 

“Okay- okay good, me too.” He said

“I dunno if it’s weird to ask you like… what you wanna do today? Like… what are your goals?” I asked,

“Maybe like… arm around shoulders?” He said. I nodded,

“Sounds fair.” I said. We finished eating and I set the dishes in the sink, meeting him on my couch. We turned on a tv show and I did some of the same stuff as last time, just a little quicker. I skipped that hand-holding and put my arm around his shoulders about halfway through the movie. He seemed a little bit stiff for a few seconds before he leaned into me, both of us adjusting quickly. I leaned down close to him, whispering,

“This alright?” He nodded,

“Yeah, this is nice.” I rubbed his shoulder every now and then, careful not to do it too hard or hold him too tight. Soon enough, we finished the season (we started with 2 one-hour long episodes left- we didn’t binge an entire show- don’t worry). He mumbled sleepily from where he was. “I don’t wanna go yet…”

“Then stay a little longer,” I whispered. He nodded, moving so his legs were laying across mine, his head on my chest. I kept my hand on his arm, careful to avoid his sides. We sat quietly for a little while. 

“I gotta go though…” He groaned. “You’re warm and you smell good and I don’t wanna go…” He turned his head into my chest but I could see that his cheeks were pink. “Again, in a totally gross, non-attractive way.” He said. I smirked,

“C’mon… you gotta work tomorrow.” I said. He groaned as he stood up, dragging his feet on the way to the door. 

“One day I’m just gonna make you move in with me- then it won’t be such a far walk.” He said. 

“Not a bad idea, Higgins.” I walked up behind him, hoping to delay his leaving by a minute or so. I pulled him into a hug, whispering into his ear, “Get home safe, alright?” He nodded,

“I’ll be alright, Spottie.” He pulled back, “Look at you, all worried about me and junk.” He smirked. “See you on movie night?” I nodded,

“Movie night.” The door closed behind him. 

What would the guys think?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Next one will be out soon! (editing takes forever ugh-)
> 
> Comments and Kudos make my day!


	4. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot and Race cuddle at a movie night for the first time.
> 
> What'll the guys think?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Note- there is a bit of a time skip that I didn't explain so well? Basically Spot and Race didn't cuddle at movie night for four months and now they're doing it for the first time at a movie night.
> 
> No warnings in this chapter! Just 1900 words of fluffy stuff.
> 
> Enjoy~!

Four

We skipped out on movie night, just doing that Monday and Wednesday for at least four months before we agreed we’d try just a little bit of something. We didn’t really plan anything out, but we were busy and hadn’t been able to see each other for anything for the past two weeks. I don’t know about him, but I definitely missed his touch (even if I don’t want to admit that to myself)

Soon enough, it was the next movie night. We were at Jack and Davey’s. Mush and Blink were curled up on the couch together, Blink every so often so often kissing Mush’s forehead. Jack and Davey were sitting next to each other on the carpet, hiding their interlocked hands behind a blanket. Both pairs were sickeningly cute. Crutchie sat on the armchair, Finch asleep by his side. I was on the couch with Race, glancing over at him every now and then. I leaned over a little bit, speaking in a soft whisper.

“Do you want to do anything today?” I asked, he didn’t hesitate to nod. I moved my hand over a little bit towards him, offering it to him. He took it in his own, running his thumb over the back of my hand. I couldn’t help it when my heart caught in my throat. I was going to take it a little bit slower than we had the previous two times, but he didn’t waste any time leaning into me, his legs crossed over mine. His eyes were closed, his head resting against my chest. He was a bit… eager? He seemed to read my mind,

“I just-” He paused, “It’s been colder since last time, and you’re nice ‘n warm.” He mumbled, his hand resting on my shoulder, his arm across my chest. I blushed a little bit, enough that anyone in the room could notice if they bothered to look. That’s exactly what Crutchie decided to do. He met my gaze, noticing how close we were and giving me a soft smile. I blushed harder, looking down at Race. I pulled him in closer to me, rubbing his shoulder gently. He melted into me further, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck. I closed my eyes, not paying attention to the movie much more. Race’s breath was even, mine matching up with his. I glanced down at him. I smiled softly. He was asleep, drooling slightly. I wiped his mouth with my thumb, wiping my thumb off on my own shirt. Jack looked up at us, 

“You two… y’know, a thing?” He asked. I blushed harder. Most people around us were asleep.

“What? No-” I whispered, glancing down at him. “Don’t be so loud- he’s sleeping.” I whispered. “Why would you think that??” He raised an eyebrow at me,

“You can’t be serious, Conlon.” His eyebrows dropped, “Really?”

“We’re friends.” He sighed,

“Alright- I won’t tease too much,” He winked. I glared at him. He looked down at Race, “He’s not gonna be up anytime soon, unless you wake him up which I can’t see you doing,” Another glare, “You two can crash here. Mush ‘n Blink are gonna head out in about five minutes, Davey and I will go to our rooms.”

“You two ain’t sharin’ a bed yet?” I asked, His face flushed red.

“W-what? N-no- this isn’t about me-!” He flustered, “I’ll get you two a blanket.” He stood up, going off to do so. The movie had finished by the time he returned, Mush and Blink were getting ready to head out, along with Crutchie and Finch. I held Race in my arms as I flipped myself slowly around the couch, my head on the arm rest. Jack tucked a pillow under my head, draping the blanket over us. Race stirred slightly, his hand grabbing tiredly at my t-shirt and turning his face into my chest. I rubbed his back, smiling slightly to myself. I looked up after about a minute to see Jack smirking down at me. 

“What?” I asked,

“Nothin, ‘s just…” He looked around the room. It was empty- David had gone to his room and everyone else had left. He glanced down at Race, who was already back asleep. I gave him a look, hoping he would take it as a sign to continue. He smiled again. “You’re all lookin’ at him like Blink looks at Mush.” I felt my heart pick up. What was he talking about?

“No ‘m not-” I furrowed my eyebrows, looking down at Race again. “He just looks… I dunno… peaceful? That’s all- I’m not sweet on him or nothin’.” I looked at him again, fumbling for words to fill the silence that followed. “I mean- look at him, you can’t tell me that doesn’t make you happy or nothin’. He’s… cute?” I blushed red, “I mean- no- not cute- peaceful- he looks peaceful and that’s it-” I shouldn’t have said that- but I was a little bit drunk, just a little bit though.

“You should tell him that, y’know.” He said casually,

“What?? No-”

“I could tell him-”

“No-” I felt my heart stop. “Jack. Jack don’t.” I could hear myself pleading, “I-” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Jack, if he got the wrong idea… Jack he knows I’m gay- what if he-” I shook my head, “It’d be awkward and- and he doesn’t need to know.”

“It could just be a compliment. I ain’t forcin’ ya to do nothin, it’s just that Race really really likes a little compliment every now and then. Really- try it. He wouldn’t take it the wrong way, promise ya.”

“T-thanks, Jack.” I said. He stared at me a second. I didn’t use manners too often, but I meant it. 

“Oh- sure thing, Spottie.” I smiled softly up at him. I ran my fingers through Race’s dark curls.

“Y’know… he is pretty cute…” I mumbled. Jack looked down at him, thinking a moment. 

“Wanna know somethin?” I met his gaze, nodding slightly for him to go on. “I’m thinkin’ about askin’ Dave out.” I smiled, my chest filling with warmth. 

“You should, you two would be cute.” I said. He smiled wide at me, 

“I just want him to be happy,” He said.

“You two would be good for each other.” Jack covered his mouth in a sad attempt to hide a yawn. “Go off to bed with him, we’ll be fine here.” He nodded, 

“Alright… g’night, Spot.”

“Night, Jack.”

I woke up in the morning before him, sun shining through the window onto the two of us. I thread my fingers through his hair, admiring him. His skin was softly illuminated by the sunrise, I couldn’t help but again notice his incredibly long and dark eyelashes. His lips were parted slightly, soft breaths passing through them. His cheeks were a little rosy, I wasn’t sure for what reason. He adjusted slightly, lifting his head up a little bit. His eyes opened slowly, searching the room for something. He smiled up at me when he met my gaze. 

“Morning, beautiful.” He said in a husky morning voice. I forgot he lost his filter right when he woke up (as well as when he was drunk- and tired. Maybe he just didn’t know when to shut up.) I blushed a little bit, smirking back.

“Morning to you too, Race.” 

“You’ve been up long?” I thought a moment,

“Just ten minutes,”

“Normally, it’s creepy to watch someone sleep,” I blushed a little bit, “Except I know I am insanely attractive, so it’s only natural to stare.” He teased. I rolled my eyes, 

“I just couldn’t look away.” He laughed. Oh god- it was a magical sound. He rolled off me, wrapping his arm quickly around my waist. 

“You look pretty good yourself, Conlon.” He winked up at me as he finished the sentence, 

“Why thank you, Higgins.” I closed my eyes, just enjoying the moment until I heard swearing from the other room. 

“Jack’s up.” Race said from beside me, “As much as I love snuggling with you, I would rather not be teased at…” He glanced at the clock, “Fuck- why am I awake at seven in the morning??” He rolled off the couch, grabbing his phone. He scrolled through it for a moment. “I wanna go back to sleep now…” He whined. I pat the spot beside me,

“Be my guest,” I smirked. He stuck his tongue out at me, walking into the kitchen and pouring coffee. I draped myself over the armrest of the couch, watching him do stuff. He ran his fingers through his messy hair, dancing slightly to no music as he walked around the kitchen. I smiled to myself as I stood up, walking to the coffee pot and pouring myself a cup. Race turned around and looked at me, blushing for a moment. “Oh- don’t be embarrassed- you got moves.” I teased,

“Oh yeah I do,” He danced around me, smiling to himself. He grabbed a sugar packet, moving closer to me. He dumped it into my drink before I could say anything. “C’mon- dance.”

“Why’d you-”

“Nobody deserves to drink black coffee, Spot. Now dance with me.” He took my coffee, putting it on the counter. He took my hands in his, dancing stupidly with me. 

“I can’t dance at all,” I tried to come up with an excuse.

“You just gotta move, c’mon, it ain’t hard. Look- just do this.” He had his arms up by his head, his hands on either side just a little bit infront of his shoulders, moving his arms up and down and wiggling a little bit. It sounds weird, but I promise you it was entertaining. 

“How's that go? One more time?” I asked. He bit his lip, smiling. 

“Can’t make fun of me ‘til you do it.” He said. I gave a little dance, shaking my head as he started laughing. He spoke inbetween breaths, “Beautiful- absolutely stunning-”

“Oh, shut up-” I shook my head, drinking my coffee. Race continued to dance around the kitchen until we heard a groan from the other room,

“I love you guys, but quit flirting so loudly.” Jack groaned. He could be painfully honest when he woke up- not that we were flirting. We were just… a little loud. 

“Sure thing, Jackie.” Race said without missing a beat. “Wanna go to my place?” I nodded, grabbing my things and we walked over. I yawned wide as we stepped into his room, collapsing onto his couch. He smiled, crouching beside me. “Tired?”

“Exhausted.” I groaned, turning my head to look at him. I just stared for a good few seconds, “You have gorgeous eyes.” He turned red right away. 

“O-oh- thank you-! You do too, pretty blue ones.” He said, smiling wide. I smiled at him for a few seconds before flipping onto my back. I looked up at the ceiling for a little while. “Movie?” I nodded.

I left his apartment around ten, just cleaning up around my place. It wasn’t the most eventful of days, it hadn’t been for the past week but… but I was happy. 

Not for any reason in particular, nothing big happened. I don’t know what it was, but I was happy for no reason. I smiled as I cleaned up, listening to the music playing through my earbuds and thinking about the past couple months or so. 

I really couldn’t complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting slow- I've been writing a bunch but for some reason it takes me a while to actually post a chapter. We're past 20,000 words for this thing so we're in it for the long haul!
> 
> Next chapter- probably posted within the next day or two- is full to the brim with angst so-
> 
> As always, kudos and comments make my day!
> 
> (This might be a daily or per chapter thing?) Question of the day: Do you guys like longer or shorter fics? What is your ideal length for a fic? (asking both just out of curiosity and as a writer)
> 
> My Answer: I like both! Long ones are pretty nice (says the girl who read one that was 200,000 words-), but the short ones are good too! I like ones around 15-25 thousand words!


	5. Pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot got bored and went over to Race's- maybe not at the best time..?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh- I am currently at 24674 word on chapter eleven for this..?
> 
> I do be on a writing streak though-
> 
> Hear me out... we make this novel length?
> 
> Anyways- please enjoy the chapter!
> 
> -TRIGGER WARNING-  
> This chapter contains (but is not nessicarily limited to) mentions/flashbacks to things such as: unhealthy/abusive relationships, rape/non-con, and trauma from mentioned things.

It was that Saturday night; I was sitting on my couch, scrolling through the news on my phone. I got bored, standing up and grabbing my jacket. I’ll go over and see what Race is up to. I walked across the street, leaving my hood down as rain sprinkled into my hair. It was the nice rain, the stuff that made you wanna dance with someone under a streetlight. I jogged a little bit as it started to pick up, stepping into the apartment building. I gave a wave to the lady at the counter. She looked at me a moment, 

“Not gonna intrude or nothing, but you got a girlfriend here or something? You visit so often, I was just curious.”

“Nah, my friends stay here.” 

“Okay- sorry for asking, I was just trying to figure out who the lucky gal was,” She smiled.

“Gals aren’t so much my thing,” I shrugged. She nodded, smiling a bit wider. 

“What’s your name?”

“Spot.”

“Spot, I’m Smalls.” I shook her hand.

“Alright Smalls, I’ll see you around?”

“Sure thing,” She smiled, returning to her book. I made my way up the stairs, walking the familiar path to his apartment. I knocked on the door before I walked in. I just hoped he didn’t have anybody over. 

I walked in, slipping off my shoes and jacket. I looked around, 

“You here?” I asked. I heard a muffled noise from his bedroom. Was he doing… something with somebody? I didn’t want to walk in on that. “Race?” I called, a bit softer. He was quiet. I heard an uneven breath. I cautiously walked up to the door, it wasn’t shut. “Uh- if you got a girl- or a guy, I don’t judge- over, I’m worried so… now is your time to get clothes on… I guess? Sorry-” I pushed the door open the rest of the way, stepping in. His room was a little bit messier than normal, nobody else was here. I glanced around. His bathroom door was shut. I walked up to it, knocking softly. I heard shuffling on the other side. Was he sitting against the door? I remember he said the lock didn’t work so good anymore… 

“I-” I heard his voice on the other side. “I want you to go… but I need you to stay.” He said. His voice was breaking through the sentence. I felt my hands start to shake, I shoved them in my pocket. 

“O-okay- I can do that, alright? Race… can you talk to me alright?”

“Y-yeah… through the door?”

“Whatever you think will work best.”

“Through the door.” He said again. I sat down in the doorway, resting my head against it. 

“Okay… whenever you wanna talk.” There was about a minute of silence. 

“I don’t know what to do.” It was barely a whisper. “I- I quit gambling two months ago… everything was good… I don’t know why I can’t pay for anything anymore. I had the money… I can’t pay for my apartment.” He said. “Then- then I just had to go and question everything again… why isn’t my brain like everyone else's? I don’t want the same things… I- Spot… what do I do?”

“Race, tell me what’s going on… specifically.” I heard him moving against the wood, standing up. The door opened from beside me. I fumbled to stand up,

“I don’t want sex. I didn’t. I want all the other junk- all the hugs and cuddles and even making out- I… I know other people won’t all be like him but I can’t risk it.” He froze. I took a slow step towards him,

“Race, are you scared that what happened with him will happen again, or do you not want sex?” He chewed his nail,

“I don’t know…”

“How long has it been since you had sex..?”

“A year and a half.”

“Okay… how long since you had sex with someone that was a good person..?”

“I- I haven’t.” He spoke the words slow. I held my arms out to him. He fell into them, sobbing into my chest. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I said I was asexual- but- but then this guy came into my life and… god, Spot, he’s perfect. I just… I told a few people I was asexual, right? I don’t want to be a bad representation by saying that I was just traumatized. I don’t want to prove the people against asexuals right, say that I just had to meet the right person but- but I want to try again with the guy I met…” I rubbed his back as he spoke,

“Hey… it’s alright, don’t worry about what other people will say… nobody would think you're a bad representation, they’ll just want you to be happy. There is nothing wrong with trying, alright? You had a really bad few experiences with him, it takes time to get over and that’s alright. It’s okay to think things during that time period-”

“But that’s exactly what they said- that’s exactly what they said when I told them I was asexual.”

“You don’t want to prove them right?” He nodded into my chest, “You know what will make them real mad?” He pulled back a little bit, “Seeing you happy as you. They’re dicks, they just wanted to bring you down. Don’t worry about being good or bad representation, worry right now about being happy.” He looked up at me for a few seconds. 

“I-” He paused, “I feel bad about saying that I just had bad experiences… I don’t want that to be a message to other people who are ace that they just have to wait… that they will meet the right person and it’ll all be normal…”

“Nobody will think that… and you worrying about that proves that it isn’t the message you want to send to them, that you are a sweet, kind person who thinks about others before himself. You need to be happy too, Race.” I cupped his cheek, wiping away the tears that rolled down his cheeks. “You can talk to us, you can talk to me… you’ve thought about this for a while…” He looked away,

“S-six months…” 

“Race… it helps to talk about stuff, it gets better. We’re here for you, and I’m here for you no matter what.” He met my gaze. “Do you want me to stay the night?” He nodded again, tears falling from his eyes again. I took him to his bedroom, bringing him fluffy blankets and hot chocolate. I sat next to him, thinking for a moment. I chewed the inside of my cheek, my eyebrows furrowing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. I met his gaze, my face softening. I flickered my gaze between his eyes, I blurted out the words I’d been thinking since he told me why he was crying. 

“What if I moved in with you?” He tensed up at my words,

“Uh-”

“N-nevermind- I just thought… that would help with money… I already spend so much time here, and I wouldn’t mind the extra time with you. I’d know you were okay, not like… motherly-way… like in a concerned friend way… I wouldn’t keep tabs on you or anything- I don’t know the right words to say… I could split rent with you…” I paused, “You don’t want me to- that’s fine, I just- shouldn’t have said anything.” I looked at the ground awkwardly,

“You’d do that for me..?” I looked over at him, he was chewing on his lip, trying to keep the tears from spilling over his cheeks. 

“Of course… Race, I’ll do anything for you. I told you, I got you.” Tears spilled over,

“If you really don’t mind,” He looked me up and down, “Spot…” He set his mug on his bedside table, moving over to me and hugging me tightly. “I owe you…”

“Nah… you’ve helped me out more times than you know, don’t worry about it.” I rubbed his back, melting into the hug. I chuckled lightly, “We won’t have to meet up as cuddle buddies anymore. I need… maybe a month? I gotta do some stuff in my apartment, but I’ll give you some money for this months-”

“No- no that’s alright. I got this month. Thank you, Spot.” He still shook in my arms. He held my hand close to his chest, pressing it up against him. “I- I’m so glad I yelled at you that day… sometimes, I don’t know if you’re real… maybe I’m hallucinating, I’m imagining you… you’re so good to me, you’re such a good person- I don’t know… I’m so glad I met you…” He whispered, “I don’t deserve you.” 

“Hey… Race… you deserve the world… don’t think like that…” I looked into his eyes as he met my gaze. I smiled softly at him, “We’ll be alright, promise.” He smiled a little bit down at me,

“We’ll be alright.” He echoed. 

I wrapped my arms tight around him, holding him into my chest as we listened to the rain.

I woke up in the morning to our limbs tangled together, his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair and he slowly woke.

“S-sorry-” He put his hand over mine,

“Don’t apologize, ‘s cute.” He snuggled into me, pulling the blankets up further and wrapping them around us. He wrapped his legs around my waist, looking up at me through the most gorgeous eyes I’d ever laid eyes on. “Why are ya’ lookin’ at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m pretty.”

“‘Cause ya’ are-” I froze, “I mean-”

“Aww- Spottie is full of compliments early in the morning.” He looked up at me from my shoulder. “I’m not complaining,” I tilted my head, leaning it on his. “Spot Conlon thinks I’m pretty-” 

“Sure do,” He blushed, 

“Shit- a man can only handle so much praise from someone like you,” 

“What do you mean ‘someone like you’?”

“Oh- don’t play dumb- you’re hot and beautiful and cute at the time. It’s something achieved by no other man.” He mumbled. I didn’t know what to say, “Got ya’ speechless, huh?” I took a moment to recollect myself, I smirked at him. 

“You got soft hair, know that?” I ran my fingers through it again, making sure not to rip out any knots. He started to say something but his eyes fluttered shut. He moaned- downright moaned- as my fingers ran through his hair again, brushing his scalp. I smirked down at him. He opened his eyes wide, covering his mouth. “Good to know,” I mumbled. I did it again, trying to figure out where it was he liked it. He didn’t have as much of a reaction on top of his head, more so on the sides and the back of his head. He whined,

“Spoooot~” He drew out the ‘o’, “Stooop that-” He shut up when my fingers touched his scalp again. “S-spot-!” He melted into me, his fingers flicking against my sides as they moved, never settling in one place more than a second. I stopped a moment, unsure if he really wanted me to stop or of he was just whining, 

“Is this okay..?” I asked quietly, He nodded vigorously,

“God- it feels fantastic but s-slow down-” I moved my hand slower, moving them side to side as I ran my fingers to the back of his head from the sides. He made a muffled noise, burying his face into my side. I felt him scrunching my shirt at my side. I made smaller movements, eventually removing my hand completely. He whined, lifting his head. His eyes had a different look in them, almost… n-needy?

“You alright?” He nodded,

“Never better.” He looked down at my hand, “You have the hands and touch of an angel, Spot Conlon.” I smirked,

“Do I, now?” He nodded, taking my hand in his, sighing happily. I finally decided to ask the question present in my mind since he’d woken up- since last night,

“Race..?” He tilted his head up, eyebrows furrowed at my tone, “Yesterday… are you alright?” I asked. He pursed his lips, shrugging.

“I’ll manage,”

“Do you… still want me to move in?” He paused a moment,

“Don’t feel like you have to. If you want to, I’d love that. I don’t want you to feel like you need to, like I need to be watched over.”

“That’s not it at all, Racer.” I said, he nodded,

“I’d love you to move in,” He smiled up at me, “You sure you want to? I am apparently, ‘obnoxious’, and ‘annoying’ according to my last roommate.” He said, I shook my head,

“Who said that?” He giggled,

“Doesn’t matter. I think you can handle me, Spottie; Otherwise, you woulda left months back.”

Leave you? Never. 

I never said that, though.

“I can handle you,” I agreed, rubbing circles into the back of his hand. I smiled over at him. His eyes were closed, a hint of a blush on the tip of his nose. I could only think one thing:

Pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading!
> 
> Angst is starting to kick off--
> 
> I have kind of struggled with questioning of sexuality part of this chapter, so maybe this is me trying to express my problems through writing? Who knows. I included the guilt part of this because (a.) Racetrack is a sweetheart who would 100% worry about that, and (b.) that is something I wasn't sure may offend some people and I wanted to show that I don't think ace people just need to 'wait for the right person' or have 'some sort of trauma'. 
> 
> Anyways~  
> QOTD: What are your favorite ships in this fandom? 
> 
> My answer: I absolutely adore Spot and Race (wow- shocker, I know-) and Jack and Davey. Sometimes I like to change it up a little bit, I think Spot and Jack are cute aswell, though there isn't much of that. I feel like Blink and Mush are a given, but Jack and Crutchie are pretty cute too. But yeah- Sprace and Javid are my otps-


	6. Wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Racetrack gets wasted and spills one of his insecurities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating a little bit later than normal, I've been working on this story a lot, though! I hit a big writers block about two days ago, I didn't really know where the story was going so I took a little while to reread everything (multiple times) and try and fix anything wrong with coming chapters. This is slowly progressing into a mess, but I think I can get it back on track. I have twelve chapters totally finished, so I might take a small break writing (still posting, though) to figure out a little timeline for the story. That's my ted talk.
> 
> Writing this both broke and fixed my heart-
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It was a week or so after the Saturday I’d mentioned moving in, and I had half my junk packed. I heard my phone buzzing again. I finished putting my kitchen plates and stuff in a box, taping and labeling it quickly and answering my phone,

“This is Spot,”

“Well, I’d hope it was.” It was Race, “Could you monitor me while I get wasted?”

“Uh- sure..? Come over to my place, I gotta finish packing up my kitchen stuff.” 

“Got it- I’ll bring vodka.” He hung up.

What was that about?

He showed up ten minutes later, unloading a bottle of vodka from his bag along with two of those plastic shot glasses. 

“You aren’t drinking all of that.” I said flatly. He poured a shot before I could say anything, tossing the bottom of the glass up. He did this once more way too quickly. “Race-”

“‘M fine.”

“Don’t do anything stupid…” I mumbled. I finished packing up cups and ended up finishing my bookshelf. I looked over to Race, it’d been about thirty minutes, and he’d done another shot. I walked up to him, rubbing his back, “Slow down, buddy…” He met my gaze, smiling dopily. 

“Spot,” He said my name, “Wanna drink with me?”

“I’m okay,” 

“Okay,” He slumped back over the table. 

“What’s up, Race?” He giggled in response.

“Love- is… something. I’m happy and sad at the same time.” He turned his head to face me, “I want to tell him but I’m so- so scared to. I can’t lose him. I’d rather live the pain of ‘what if’s than a life without him in it.” He said. 

“Race… that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard…” Was all I could manage to say. He shrugged,

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” He leaned back in his chair. “I wonder what it’s like to kiss him, to hold him and make him feel safe. I want to know what he likes, what he doesn’t and I want to know if he microwaves his pizza before he eats it. I want to know if he’s a cat or a dog person and his favorite movies. I want to remember his laugh, and I want to remember his smiles.” He met my gaze, his eyes shiny. “I never want to forget him. I don’t want to lose him.” I cupped his cheek, looking into his eyes,

“Race… you should tell him. If he leaves, which he won’t, he’s just a dick.”

“I can’t risk it, Spottie…” He said. “I just can’t.” 

He managed to sneak one more shot before I cut him off, putting it in one of my now-empty cupboards. I sat on my couch with him snuggled into my side, staring at the rain that hit the window. I wrapped my arm a little tighter around him, burying my nose into his curls. He wouldn’t remember… I- this was creepy… wasn’t it? I took in a shaky breath, it was filled with his scent. I rubbed his arm, he opened up his eyes. 

“Spot…”

“Hm?”

“I dunno,” He paused for a minute and we sat in a comfortable silence, “Antonio.” He whispered.

“What?” He turned to look at me,

“Antonio.” He looked up at me through wide, vulnerable eyes. His mask was fully gone. “I’m- my name is Antonio. Some people called me Tony.” He said. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Sean,” The words felt unfamiliar on my lips, “I’m Sean.” He smiled slightly,

“Sean,” 

“Antonio… Tony,” I tried the words, lacing each of them with care.

“I like you saying it, it sounds… nicer.” He said. I smiled softly. 

“I’ll use it on special occasions,” I whispered. He nodded, 

“Same for you, then.” He said. He melted back into my side. I played with his hair absentmindedly, thinking about nothing at all. “I shouldn’t have drank- I gotta work a shift tomorrow.” He said,

“You’ll be alright- how long you got?”

“Mmm… sixteen hours?”

“You’ll be good, I think.” I said. He nodded,

“I have to be.”

“You didn’t drink that much,”

“I’m tired, though.”

“You gotta get goin’ home, with work and all.” I said. He groaned,

“I wanna stay- you smell good…”

“I’ll give you a sweatshirt, c’mon…” I stood up with him. He could walk fine, the problem was when he just walked back to the couch instead of the door. 

“Work sucks- I just- ugh-” He groaned

“You gonna miss me, Higgins?” I teased, taking advantage of the fact that drunk Racetrack lost his filter, he said anything he thought and never lied as far as I knew- all of the information known thanks to Jack, though I’d never seen it before. Well- there was maybe that one time when the cuddle buddy deal was made-

“Yeah…”

“How much sleep did you get?” I asked,

“Four hours…” He groaned again,

“How long ago?”

“...Twenty hours ago…” 

“So you lose your filter when you’re tired and drunk?” I wanted to confirm. He nodded,

“C’mon Spot, don’t be mean.” He whined,

“I won’t…” I paused, “I’ll walk you up to your room, how‘s that?” He nodded,

“Lovely,” I tried to stand up, but he wrapped his arms around me tighter. 

“You want me to… to carry you?” He nodded harder. I let out a breath, “Okay,” I lifted him up. He was surprisingly just a little heavier than I thought. He spoke as though he’d read my mind,

“‘M sorry… I try to lose weight but I can’t… I don’t wanna be so heavy…” I stopped walking, “I tried not eating, tried throwing up but nothing works… I don’t wanna look so heavy but I can’t help it.” He mumbled, shrugging. “It’s not so bad, just sucks when you got a cute guy carrying you.” I brushed off the comment, turning around and sitting him down on my couch. 

“Nope.” I said.

“Huh?”

“I said, no.” I looked at him from beside him on the couch. “Race- I’m not going to let you talk about yourself like that- got it?” He looked confused,

“Why? It’s tru-”

“Nope. You’re wrong, right?” He stared blankly at me. “I’m Spot freaking Conlon- I’m always right. Why do you think that stuff?” He looked down at himself, wrapping his arms around his stomach. I bit the inside of my cheek, why did it hurt me so much to see the light drain from his eyes?

“You’ve seen me before, Conlon… I don’t look so good… I’m too heavy, that’s all there is to it.” I looked him up and down,

“You remember good when you’re tired or no?” I asked. He shook his head. “Good,” I moved slightly closer to him, “Race, since I met you, I thought you were gorgeous, right? I mean like, model-level gorgeous. I’m not gonna let the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on talk bad about themselves in my apartment.”

“There’s nothing attractive about me, Spot.”

“Do you want a list?” He just furrowed his eyebrows at me. “Your eyes, and your nose and your lips and your cheeks, your face overall. When you get a little embarrassed, the tip of your nose turns pink and I think it’s cute. Your hair looks soft all the time, like ‘I wanna run my fingers through it for hours’ kind of soft. You think you’re heavy- I think it’s adorable. You’re like… a teddy bear, right? You’re soft and somehow strong at the same time. I don’t know if that’s a nice thing to say, but I think you’re sweet and funny and so what you’re a little heavier? I love that about you, right? We all got stuff we don’t like about ourselves, but sometimes you gotta have someone else to get you to see yourselves how we see you.” I paused a moment, “Race… Racer, I think you’re beautiful, alright? You aren’t stick-thin, and that’s so okay. Cuddling with you is one of the best parts of my day because it’s you, and you not being skinny-as-a-twig is a part of you and I love it just the same.” He looked up at me and I could see tears brimming his eyes. “Oh- Race- I don’t mean it to be mean- I didn’t- oh no- I didn’t want to say you were skinny because then I’d be trying to convince you- I just wanted you to see yourself how I see you I didn’t mean to-” He pulled me into a tight hug, shaking a little bit.

“Spottie…” He whispered, his hands never stopping as he dug at my back, trying to pull me closer. “Spot that was beautiful and perfect and- and thank you…” He buried his face in my neck. “I wish I wasn’t tired- I- I want to remember every word…” He breathed. He pulled away and I cupped his cheek. 

“One day… maybe I’ll tell you, but you gotta promise you won’t be so mean to yourself.” I said. He nodded,

“I- I’ll try…” He yawned,

“We gotta get you back up to your room,” I said. I lifted him up again, leaning down to his ear, “‘sides, you ain’t heavy.” I carried him out of the building, across the street. I smiled at Smalls, she waved in response. I took the elevator this time, scared of tripping. I walked into his apartment, setting him down on his bed. I pulled the blankets over his shoulders, looking around the room. He looked up at me sleepily, smiling.

“You’ll be here soon, not just visiting either.” He said. I nodded, grinning,

“For sure,” He took my hand in his, his fingers running softly over mine. 

“I didn’t mean to be begging for compliments- it kinda sounds like that’s what I did…” He sighed, “Really- I didn’t- that wasn’t my intention...” He said. I nodded, sitting next to him for the moment. 

“I know you didn’t,” I said. I ran my thumb over his knuckles, allowing it to drift into the dips, moving it gently back and forth. “You really are beautiful, Race.” He smiled up at me softly, a genuine smile. 

“You are too,” He paused, “That sounds like I’m just trying to say something nice… I mean it. I wanted to tell you since I met you but-” He scrunched his nose a little bit for just a second, “I dunno, that’s not really something you say casually in a conversation, y’know?” I nodded. “You are, you’re gorgeous.” He put our hands, intertwined together, onto his chest. My heart fluttered, listening to his words. “You got the prettiest eyes,” He closed his own, speaking in a voice just above a whisper. “You’re sweet and kind and perfect… I thank… I dunno- God or... whoever you believe in- that I met you. I really do.” He said, tilting his head back a bit. I squeezed his hand a little bit before retracting mine slowly. His fingertips brushed against mine before falling to his chest. I tucked the blankets around him, speaking quietly.

“Goodnight, Racer.” He was already asleep. I looked over his peaceful face for a second before I left his apartment, making sure to shut the door on my way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading yet another chapter! 
> 
> Kudos and comments fuel my motivation as a writer- seriously though your guys' comments are what keeps me going with this wild ride.
> 
> QOTD: Do you have any advice for me as a fanfic writer/creator? It could be general writing (god knows I do it way too much- literally any advice helps) tips, or things specific to fanfiction or Over Time. 
> 
> My Answer: Not sure how to answer this one, but I want to try to get in the characters better. I notice, usually with Spot, I end up turning him into an all around softie when he isn't really so much to strangers. While editing, I also see a good five crutch words I use that I won't tell you because trust me they're the only words you'll see in these chapters. I also think about the story inbetween writing and I kind of get off track, I think I wrote things I never did and I just end up layering angst on angst and sometimes it gets a little hard to follow, but these boys lives are crazy and it's a bit hard for them to follow aswell.


	7. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the one where Spot finally realizes something, but it's at the worst possible time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what this is but this is kinda like the start of something a lil more?
> 
> Spot do be moving in with Race next chapter though-
> 
> I hope I wrote Buttons somewhat in her character- she's just kinda here Idk if I'll tag her she hasn't come up again with where I'm at writing but I'd like to include her in the future
> 
> Ignore my incoherent rambling onto the chapter
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It was the day before I was supposed to move in with him. I was sitting on my couch, looking around the place. I’d been here for a good two years, it would be a little weird to leave it, y’know? I tapped my thumbs, unsure of what to do when someone knocked on my door. I looked up just in time to see Race peek his head in. I smiled at him. He lifted up a bottle of vodka. It’d been at least three weeks since he’d gotten drunk here last, when I had to take him home and all. He brought it over to me, setting it on the empty coffee table. 

“Thought we oughta celebrate, it bein’ your last day here and all.” He said. I smiled,

“Sure- why not?” We each took a shot rather quickly, just talking a little bit about each of our days. I smiled over at him, he raised an eyebrow,

“What?”

“Nothin’,” I shook my head, biting my tongue. 

“Oh c’mon- you can’t leave me on that,”

“Look at me real quick,” I said, meeting his gaze. His eyebrows twisted slightly in confusion before returning to his normal expression. I smiled wide, shaking my head. I downed another shot, 

“Do I got somethin’ on my face?” He wiped at his cheeks, confused. I let out a laugh. 

“Y’know- I think it’s more entertaining to let you guess.”

“Spot-!” He whined,

“Race,” 

“Tell me~” 

“Look at me again,” We made eye contact for a few good seconds, then I ran my gaze over his face, “Pretty.” 

“What?”

“You’re pretty, that’s all.” He turned red,

“S-spot-! T-thank you- you are too-” He stammered, 

“Stuttering? That’s cute,” I teased. He was tired the last time I’d told him, probably didn’t remember it much. He somehow blushed more. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, pulling him into me. I buried my nose into his hair, smiling to myself. “This alright?” I mumbled,

“Mhmm…” I rubbed his shoulder with my hand, just enjoying the moment. We sat quietly, happy in each other's company for a good twenty minutes. We stopped drinking, forgetting about it almost completely. 

“What do you like?” He asked, out of the blue.

“Hmm?”

“I mean… I dunno, I like… I like rain, I like thunderstorms and sunflowers, I like the lights that twinkle at carnivals, I like vanilla ice cream and I like popcorn that’s just a little too salty. I like kids cereal, except it hurts the top of your mouth after a few hours. I like the sky at night and I like clouds and when everything reflects off the water.” He paused, realizing he was rambling. “What do you like, Spot?” 

You.

… 

What?

“Spot, ya’ there?” 

“Yeah- yeah I’m alright.” I mumbled, my face red. What?? We sat quietly for another minute while he waited for an answer.

“Well, Spottie, I’ll give you some time to think of an answer, then I expect a whole list. We’re gonna make a list and we’re gonna do all the things we like on the list.” I blushed further at the thought of doing Racetrack Higgins. 

What?

I can’t be thinking like that.

“It’s gettin’ late, I gotta get stuff cleaned for tomorrow so I better head out…” He mumbled, I nodded.

“Yeah, that’s fair.” I paused, “You need anythin’ before you go?” I asked,

“I’m alright, you need anythin’?”

You.

Shut up!

“I-I’m okay, thanks, though.” I said, walking with him towards the door. “I’ll see ya’ tomorrow?” He nodded,

“You good to move in?” I nodded,

“Just need an air mattress or something, I’ll find something-”

“Nah- you kidding? We’ll just share the bed,” He shrugged like it was nothing. I swallowed the lump in my throat, hoping my nervousness wasn’t noticeable. I flicked my tongue out, licking my lips.

“You sure?”

“Why not? We’ve done it before.” I nodded,

“Yeah…” I paused, “Hey- I’ll walk you home?” His eyebrow rose quickly, a habit of his. I came up with an excuse quickly: “Jack wanted me to check out one of his sketches, I was gonna stop by his place- then you came by.” He nodded,

“Yeah, sure thing.” He said, starting out the door. I followed, catching up beside him. We stepped out of the building. He glanced down at my hand a few times, hard to notice if you weren’t paying attention. I turned my palm up, offering it towards him. He met my gaze, eyes a little wide, 

“You don’t have to be all shy ‘bout it, just go for it.” I said, “I don’t mind, it’s just something small. Just- um… do you mind? Just like… in case I ever wanna, y’know… ‘go for it’? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” 

“I’ll just let you know if I’m not. I’m good with it most of the time just… some days aren’t good.” I nodded as he interlaced his fingers with mine. We walked slowly towards his apartment. I smiled at Smalls, giving her a little wave. We made our way up to his apartment, I stood outside for a moment before I randomly pulled him into a hug. He hugged me back, and we held each other for a good few seconds. “What was that for? I’m not complaining- just curious.” I didn’t really know why,

“You looked nice to hug,” I shrugged, he smiled, shaking his head slightly.

“Never thought you’d be a softie, Conlon.” He met my gaze, “See you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.” I echoed. He went into his apartment and I walked to Jack’s. I knocked on the door, greeted by Davey.

“Hey Spot,” He said, “Come in?” I stepped inside, sitting on their couch. I pulled my knees into my chest, visibly confused. David sat next to me, “You alright?” I shrugged,

“Confused, I guess.” I met his gaze. “How do you know if you like someone?” 

“I- I don’t know. You just… feel it, you think about them all the time and you would do anything for them. You want to spend all your time with them, and all of kissing and everything. You want to take care of them when they’re sick and make sure they’re alright all the time. You can feel it, even if you’re in denial. Sometimes, it takes a while to realize…” He allowed the sentence to trail off, “Why are you asking?”

“W-what about love?”

“I think it’s kind of the same but… it feels more forever? More natural?” He said, “I don’t have too much experience in the subject…” He frowned. Jack came in just then. Dave nodded to the couch across from us, moving to sit next to Jack. Jack looked over me, concerned. 

“You alright, Spot?” I nodded. I met their gaze before I started talking. 

“I like him.” I said plainly. Jack’s face lit up, Davey smiled wide, 

“Race?” Jack said, voice a bit lowered. I swallowed the lump in my throat, nodding. David smiled (somehow) even wider, 

“Yeah, Race.” Jack smiled at me again. “Why ‘s you two lookin’ at me like that? It ain’t a big deal-” They each raised an eyebrow, “Okay- fine- yeah it’s a super big deal, but why are you lookin’ at me like that?” 

“Because you ain’t in denial any longer,” Jack said, “You should tell him-!”

“What?? No!”

“Why not?” Davey chimed in,

“Because it’d mess everything up! And he doesn’t like me back!” I waved my arms a little bit as I spoke, “I’m not gonna fuck up us being friends because of some- some stupid crush!” 

“You asked about love…” David started, “You love him?” I shrugged, groaning as I put my head in my hands. 

“Spot, it’s gonna be fine. Just give it some time, you’ll find a time to tell him.” Jack spoke up, “It’s all gonna be fine, alright?” I shrugged,

“Whatever you say, Jackie.” I sighed, standing up. “I- I’m gonna go home…” I mumbled. I looked at them, my eyes suddenly growing wide. “I can’t see him again.” I said, barely audible.

“Spot you can’t just-” Davey started,

“I- I’m gonna move to Ireland- I’m going to leave-” Dave stood up, interrupting my spiral.

“Spot- calm down for two seconds.” He paused, allowing me to breathe, “What in the flying fuck are you on about?” I froze at his language, David rarely swore. Jack did too, his eyes a little wider. 

“I never told you guys.” I realized. I started laughing, just a small, breathy chuckle. It stopped just as quickly as it started. “I’m moving in with Racetrack.” I said. Their eyes grew wider simultaneously, “Oh… what am I gonna do?”

Nobody had a good answer to that question. 

I ended up back at my apartment, sighing as I fell into my bed for the final time. I grabbed my phone, unable to sleep. I opened spotify, scrolling through a few playlists and deciding on the one almost at the very top. I listened to the music as it echoed around the bare apartment, closing my eyes and almost feeling the melody in my bones. I sang softly, my voice matching up with the pace. I thought it was a nice compliment to the female vocals, even if I could barely sing. I listened until I ran into a spotify ad, turning off the music. I still couldn’t sleep and ended up leaving my apartment. I walked around Brooklyn, ending up sitting on the bridge. It probably wasn’t sanitary, but I wasn’t concerned at the time being. I looked at the moon reflecting off the water, closing my eyes and listening to the hum of the city. I thought about a lot of things. 

Mostly, I thought about Racetrack Higgins.

I thought about his smile, how his nose twitched a little bit when he lied- his one tell that apparently no one had caught on to with how often he won poker. I thought about his stupid grin after he told a joke and it took someone a little over a second to get it. I thought about his eyes and his stupid hair, and the stupid time I’d went over to see what he was up to and saw him dancing, gliding through the air like some goddamn angel and he hadn’t seen me. I thought about the blush that spread over his cheeks when he did. I thought about all the stupidly adorable things he’d said while we’d been cuddling or just hanging out, and I thought about how stupid it was of me to remember all of them. 

I stood up after what must’ve been an hour. I wandered back to my apartment, sighing as I passed Buttons, who checked everybody in and all that junk, like the Smalls of my place. She smiled at me, a bit sadly. 

“You’re moving in with that boy?” She said. I nodded, 

“It’s not like- we aren’t dating,” I said,

“You want to be, though.” She phrased it as a sentence rather than a question.

“How do you read people so well?” She shrugged,

“A talent of mine,” She continued after a few seconds, though. “Also I’ve watched you two come here together for months.” She smiled, “He’s cute, seems sweet too.” She said. I nodded,

“He is,” I paused, smiling softly at her. “He really is.” We stared at each other, her seeming to know everything I’d been thinking for the past… well, since I met him.

“Hey, don’t forget about me, alright?” She said, holding up her fist. I gave her a quick fistbump, something that was almost a habit of ours at this point. 

“Couldn’t if I wanted to,” I smiled. “Don’t worry- I’ll visit this place some point.”

“You’d better, Conlon. You still owe me from throwing up in the planter-”

“That was a year and a half ago-!”

“It took me a day to clean! It smelled awful!” She laughed, I beamed at her. All of a sudden, my lip started to wobble. I quickly took control of it, biting the inside of my cheek. I looked around, 

“I’m gonna miss this place, y’know? I always talked, how I wanna get out of here? It’s… weird.” 

“Oh- Spottie- don’t get all emotional on me, you’re movin’ onto bigger and better. I mean, the place you two go to, his apartment? You won’t even have as many bugs!” She joked, “It’s a better place, you’ll be alright, Conlon. You’re tough, you’ll make it.” I pressed my lips together, hoping it would keep the tears from flowing over. I walked around the counter, pulling her into a tight hug. “Spot, you got this whole life thing down, you can do this.” She said. 

“God- I’m gonna miss you,”

“I’m gonna miss you too, Conlon.” We held each other for a few more seconds. I pulled away, wiping my eyes on my shoulder quickly. I met her gaze. She smiled softly, “I’ll just be across the street here, visit anytime you like.”

“I will-” A buzzer sounded, someone else walked into the building. “I’ll check out tomorrow morning, ‘round nine, alright?” She nodded, a sad smile on her face. 

“Josh will be working,” She said, as if we both didn’t already know. Josh- I had one interaction with the guy, it went south rather quickly. I wouldn’t be missing him. I looked over, glancing at the lady waiting impatiently to be checked in. “You got my number, let me know if you need anything.” She said,

“You too…” I said, “I’ll see you around, Buttons.”

“Back at ya’, Conlon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> I thrive off comments and kudos they're like my caffeine.
> 
> I forgot to put it last chapter but HAPPY PRIDE MONTH all of you beautiful lgbtq+ folks
> 
> On god I am PUMPED like my mom knows I'm bi but I am not nearly bold enough to ask for a pride flag just yet but god I want to use it as a curtain so my room can look like a big ol' rainbow when the sun hits it
> 
> QOTD: What are some cool things that you know a lot about? I ask this question sometimes and it confuses a lot of people but like most people just have that one thing that they could talk about for hours and it's usually so random. I'm asking because I need more cool stuff to research (oh, yeah- I'm that one dork who researches stuff for fun)
> 
> My answer: (A small list) Sharks- my favorite animals, The law of Accelerating Returns- saw a video from boyinaband on AI and I was hooked, Various medical conditions- curiosity from watching Gray's Anatomy/The Good Doctor and writing stuff with it, Different Mental Health Disorders- I wanted to be educated my dudes, and way too much stuff on Overdoses- writing :(


	8. Moomoo and Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot moves innn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I am so pumped to be posting
> 
> Not really any warning for this chapter they just vibe
> 
> Enjoy~!

The next morning at eight thirty, I left my room for the last time. I smiled softly, remembering little bits of things as I walked through it quickly. Listening to the door click shut, locking but not enough to stop someone with a determined few kicks. I walked down the stairs, seeing Josh with his feet propped up on the desk. I handed him the key, sighing to myself as I looked around the lobby one last time. Josh hooked the key up, giving me a polite smile.

“Last time you’ll have to see me, Josh.” I said. He nodded,

“You’re really goin’?” I nodded, “Well, I ain’t been the nicest, but good luck out there, kid.” He said. I nodded, 

“You too,” I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, he noticed. 

“You can go whenever you’re ready- don’t let me keep ya’.” He returned to some game on his phone. I took one more glance around the lobby, smiling softly at the planter I’d thrown up in twice since I’d been here, as mentioned by Buttons. I walked up to it, grabbing the hawaiian, plastic flower out of it. I looked at it for a moment, Josh noticed. “You can have it- if anyone asked, I didn’t see ya’.” He said. I nodded, smiling a little wider. “They don’t pay me enough to stop ya’,” He shrugged. 

“Thanks, I’ll see you around.” I said, making my way towards the door.

“See ya’.” I adjusted my backpack, walking across the street. Race and I had both managed to get the day off work to unpack. I had my three boxes of stuff there already, just my bag with my phone, charger, laptop, (another) charger, and my stuffed lamb (no- nobody knows about it. And no, nobody will find out about it. Well- might be hard to hide now that I’m living with Race.)

I walked into his room, knocking before I used the key I’d been gifted by Smalls when I said I was (finally- Small’s words, not mine) moving in. I smiled, looking around the clean rooms. Race was passed out on the couch, hand still on the vacuum. I tossed a pillow at him and he startled awake, shouting. He glared at me, only half-playful.

“Ass.” I grinned,

“Where should I put my junk?” I asked,

“Spare room, ‘s yours now.” He pointed in the general direction of the room where people passed out when they were too drunk to make it home- now my room. I hauled each of my boxes in there, setting up my little desk station and putting my few knick-knacks around the room. There was a bed in the corner of the room, but the mattress was cheap and lumpy. I wasn’t complaining, but I’d rather just sleep on the floor or the couch or something. Race walked in, seeming to read my mind. “You can still sleep with me in my bed, just didn’t want ya’ to feel pressured.” He shrugged. I nodded, smiling. 

“Thanks, Racer.” I grabbed the plastic flower, sticking it in Race’s curls. He stuck his tongue out at me, scrunching his nose. He left the flower in his hair, though. He helped me unpack some of my junk. I heard him unzipping my bookbag before it registered in my brain what he was doing, but by the time I’d turned around to stop him he was holding the plush lamb. He bit his tongue, grinning at me. “Don’t say a word-”

“Is this your cuddle buddy when I’m not around?” I glared at him, “Okay- fine, fine. He- she- They’ve got a name, right?” I turned my gaze to the ground, mumbling something under my breath. “What’s that?”

“Luna,” I grumbled. He walked up to me, smiling still. He grabbed my hand, pulling me to his room. I was confused, but didn’t pull away. He rummaged around in his dresser for a moment before pulling out a rather large cow.

“Meet Moomoo,” He spun around, facing the dresser again and pulling out something else. It was another, slightly smaller cow. “Daisy- who is travel size.” He said. I let out a small breath of relief. I only smiled at him, shaking my head. I yawned, even though it was early. “Tired?”

“Mmm..” I shrugged. He put his cows back in his dresser, nodding his head to the bed questioningly. 

“Sleep?” I shook my head. 

“My brain just needs it’s fast juice…” I said before I could think otherwise. His mouth was open, his eyes wide,

“What?”

“I said ‘My brain needs it’s fast juice-’”

“Am I wearing off on Spot Conlon?”

“Shut up- I’m stupid sometimes too.” I said,

“Well, come get your ‘fast juice’, Spottie.” He teased, leading me back to the kitchen. He poured me coffee, arguing when I tried to take it without sugar or cream. 

We sat on his couch, a few feet from each other. I looked over at him, stifling a yawn. 

“Crazy,” He mumbled.

“Hmm?”

“Crazy.” He repeated, “Everything, y’know?” His eyes were closed. I set my coffee down, moving closer to him. I was way too tired, and I wasn’t sure why. He seemed to sense my movement, wrapping a protective arm around me. He pulled me into his lap. I was surprised at the change. Normally- it was the other way around. I didn’t mind, though. “I had a dream where I-” He cut himself off. “Uh-” 

“What’d you do?” I asked, curious. 

“E-embarrassing-”

“I’ll trade you one embarrassing dream for one of yours?” I offered. He nodded after a few seconds.

“Only because I need to know what you dream about.” 

“Okay- got mine.” I said. He let out a shaky breath.

“I had sex…” He said, “It- wasn’t bad… but it was dream sex so- I- I dunno…” He said. I melted further into him.

“With who?” His body stiffened,

“Just a guy…” He said. I didn’t push further. 

“Was it okay? Like… would you do it again if it were real?” He nodded,

“Yeah… it was good… I just- I still feel like I’m hurting everyone who’s ace.” 

“Race… you aren’t, don’t worry about that, okay?” He stayed quiet for a little while.

“Your turn.” He said. I paused, 

“Spin the bottle with our friend group, you spun and it landed on me. We kissed.” I said. He sat up a little straighter. 

“R-really? Was it bad?”

“Best damn dream kiss I’ve ever had.” I winked. He blushed slightly, unsure of what to say.

“That’s the most embarrassing?” I shook my head, I’d had worse with Race- but that didn’t matter. “That’s not fair. Shit- I’ve had worse dreams with-” He cut himself off, shaking his head. “I still feel guilty all the time… I just wish I wouldn’t, y’know?” I nodded, trying my best to understand. 

“I’m here for you… you know that, right?” He nodded, smiling softly. He pulled me closer into him. We stayed quiet for a little while. I felt his fingertips brushing gently against my side,

“You’re soft, you know that?” He said. I only nuzzled into him further,

“Am not.” I could tell he was raising an eyebrow. “Not my fault you give great hugs, and are also great to hug.” I continued before my brain could stop me from doing so, “Or that you’re cute and have soft hair and a gentle voice and an addicting, gorgeous laugh-” I stopped myself, sitting up a little bit. “Uh- nevermind- you’re just stupid.” I rolled off him. He looked at me, his expression… dumbfounded? “Oh- fuck off,” I said in a joking tone. He jumped at me and pulled me into a hug, smiling into my neck. 

“Spot’s soft~” He said. “And super nice- to me at least.” He half-sung the words. 

“W-whatever…” I wrapped my arms around him, leaning back so he was on top of me. He rested his head on my chest, adjusting slightly so we were both comfortable. He reached around for the remote, turning on the tv. He smiled at the movie name. The Shining. 

Race loved horror movies.

Me? Not so much.

But the smile on his face, I couldn’t say anything. 

I tried to look anywhere but the screen, but it was hard with all the creepy background stuff to ignore it. I was only grounded by Race’s touch as I watched everything unfold. Race, being the absolute maniac that he was, was completely unphased by the movie. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore it. My heart was hammering against my chest, I was surprised Race couldn’t feel it. My hands were starting to shake. I clutched at the blankets, squeezing my eyes shut tight. He noticed about five minutes later,

“Spot?” He asked, his words gentle. I opened my eyes, trying to hide how terrified I was.

“Yeah?”

“You’re- uh- kinda hurting me a little-?” He didn’t have to finish the sentence before I let go of everything I was grabbing with my hands. 

I realized right then that I had been gripping his sides for the past five minutes. 

“Oh my god- I’m sorry- I thought that was the blanket- I- I know you don’t like your sides being touched I just-” He shut me up by cupping my cheek,

“Spottie… you’re scared?” I swallowed nervously,

“N-no-”

“Spot…” He reached around for the remote, turning off the tv.

“That’s okay-! You were watching it-”

“I’ve watched The Shining seven times, Spot. I wasn’t sure what movies you liked- I didn’t know you didn’t like scary stuff.” He said. He ran his thumb over my cheek, resulting in them turning pink and my heart jumping into my throat. I didn’t notice it, but I nuzzled into his touch. He smiled at me, “You’re okay?” I answered too quickly,

“‘M fine.” He looked worried. “I- I just get nightmares and- and I don’t want that to be the first thing that happens here…” I muttered. 

“That’s okay, I get nightmares all the time. I can do whatever you need me to do, alright? I wouldn’t mind, y’know… takin’ care of you or something,” He said. I had butterflies in my stomach, I liked the idea of Race taking care of me. 

“You don’t gotta do that-”

“I want to,” He smiled. 

“Whatever you say,” I rolled my eyes playfully. 

“You don’t do scary, then?”

“Don’t make fun of me-” I protested,

“Never,” He said sarcastically, “I’m scared of bugs, and the dark, and a little bit of mirrors, and being held by someone, I’m scared of a lot of stuff. Don’t mean you gotta feel bad about any of it.” I looked at the time. It was already nine. It was the first time in weeks that I’d skipped movie night; Race, too. I yawned wide. 

“I shouldn’t be tired…” I groaned,

“We had a long day, come sleep.” He said. I opened my eyes again, but they slowly weighed down. He picked me up with ease, bridal style, carrying me to his bedroom. He set me down on the bed, pulling the blankets back and sliding next to me. “Cuddles?”

“Mmmm,” I agreed. He wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on top of my head. I smiled to myself, taking in his smell. “You smell good,” I said slowly.

“Thanks, Spottie.” We stayed quiet a while before I practically bolted upright.

“Shit.” Race looked at me with wide eyes. “Please don’t tell me you felt bad about the whole liking-someone thing because of the cuddle buddy deal.” He shook his head,

“No… no I never thought about it.”

“Shit- wait- don’t think about it- I didn’t say anything-”

“It’s not a big deal, Spottie, c’mere.” He opened his arms and I melted into him.

“I- I’m sorry… I’m just-” I sighed, “What you told me that day… I got a little scared… no- I got really fucking scared and so worried… you’ll talk to me if anything goes wrong?” He nodded, “I’m here for you, Racer.” I said. He nodded,

“I know,” He said, “You’re always there for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Kudos and Comments are the reason I continue this- (also because I'm in love with this story-)
> 
> QOTD: I've asked one similar but I feel like I should ask again just because? How would you guys feel if I were to put some smut in this story? I'm writing ahead and like if I continue with the plan there is going to be a good deal of it? It makes me feel a little funky writing it but like in a good way? I just wanna make sure it's alright y'know. 
> 
> No idea how I'd answer this one-
> 
> Anyhoo, have a good day, have a fantastic pride month all of you lovely lgbtq+ readers, and stay safe!


	9. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't really summarize without spoiling anything-
> 
> It rains, and Race absolutely loves the rain.
> 
> There is a lil something not quite smut like at all but I feel like I gotta warn you guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil itty bitty bit of something maybe smut-like in this chapter?
> 
> Honestly this one was so cute to write.
> 
> I gave the boys a little bit of a break at the start of the chapter but haha I messed it up just a little bit more near the end-
> 
> I really love that I write them being so open with eachother honestly-
> 
> Enjoy~

I woke up in the morning, Race wasn’t there. I was sad for a good two seconds, but then I smelled bacon. I slid out of bed, walking tiredly to the kitchen. I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. 

“Morning, Spottie.”

“Mmm…” I blinked, holding him close to me. He was so warm…

“You like bacon and eggs?” I nodded against his back,

“Mhmm…”

“Good, good. Coffee?” He turned around and I let my arms fall. He handed me a mug, dancing a bit as he moved around the kitchen. I sat down at the counter, watching him move. He made two plates with the food, bringing it to where I sat. He sat down on the stool next to me, smiling wide at me. I took a bite of the food- a bacon, egg and cheese on an english muffin. I completely and unshamfully moaned. 

“You made this?” He nodded, “If I knew you could cook like this I would’ve moved on the day I met you,” I took another bite, “I burnt spaghetti once.” He raised an eyebrow,

“How did you-”

“Fire. So, much, fire.” I punctuated each word. He shook his head.

“I don’t want to know.” He paused a moment, “You’ve never had my homemade pasta?” I stared blankly at him. 

“Racetrack. You are an absolute angel and I swear to god I will kiss you on the mouth- did you just say homemade pasta?” He nodded, smirking,

“I know how to cook some good food, Spottie darling.” He winked. I rolled my eyes, my gaze landing on a vase in the kitchen. I smiled to myself, noticing the hawaiian, plastic flower it held. I turned back to him. 

“I can’t wait.” 

We just lounged around most of the day. I looked around the apartment, it was probably eight in the afternoon. I saw Race sitting on the windowsill, staring out at the rain. He had one earbud in, tapping his hand to the beat of it. He turned and looked at me, smiling as he patted the spot beside him. I walked up, sitting across from him. 

“I love the rain.” He said simply. 

“You ever danced in it?” He thought a moment,

“Once.” He scrunched his nose. “Not something I wanna think about.” When Race said that, I never pressed. I figured it was probably ‘him’.

“Wanna try again?” I asked after a few seconds, “Y’know… rewrite the bad stuff with better?” 

“I don’t have a partn-” He paused, a grin growing on his face, “Are you asking me to dance with you, Spottie?” 

“I- uh-” I looked around, “Yeah..?” 

“Well, are we doin’ this or what?” He took my hand in his, pulling me down the stairs. We took off onto the sidewalk, pausing as the rain blew in under the canopy covering us. The place was empty at night, it was just the occasional guy walking home from the bar or person trying to get back to their apartment. Race grabbed my hand a little tighter, “You ready?” I nodded, sure of myself. He tugged us out into the rain, shrieking as the cold water hit his face. He did little steps in it at first before he turned to face me. I grinned wide. I watched as he got down on one knee, taking my hand in his, “Spot Conlon, may I have this dance?” He asked in a voice purposefully deeper.

“Why yes, Racetrack Higgins, you may.” He grinned wide, softly kissing my hand. I blushed slightly as he stood up. He just kissed me- kind of. His hands found my waist, mine draped over his shoulders as we moved back and forth. I shook my head softly, “Dork,” I teased

“You loved it,” He winked,

“Damn right.” The street light turned on over us. His hair was dripping, clinging slightly to his forehead. There was a huge wet patch on his pant leg where he’d knelt on the sidewalk. 

“You’ve ever danced before?” I shrugged,

“A little I guess,” 

“Wanna try a little somethin?” 

“Why not?”

“Alright, just kinda…” He pulled away from me to demonstrate something to me. 

“Are you going to dip me?” I asked. He gave a sheepish grin, nodding. 

“Yes, Spot Conlon, I am going to dip you.” I shook my head, chuckling. 

“Could you do it once more?” He gave me a run down of what I was going to do. It was a simple little thing, move a couple feet to the side on beat with him, spin around each other, then he would dip me. I stood now, our hands on each other. 

“Ready?” He asked,

“As I’ll ever be.” We moved off to the side, the water splashing as we went, spinning around. It was a truly magical moment, his eyes locked on mine for almost the entire time. I could see him grinning, the rain soaking his hair. He adjusted his hand, holding my waist now. He dipped me, stopping where we were. He bit his lip, smiling wide. He pulled me up, staying just as close as we’d been. I felt my heart pick up as I glanced momentarily down at his lips. I blushed slightly as I’d caught him looking at mine. 

“Spot-” We spoke at the same time,

“R-Race-” I chuckled a moment, “You first?”

“Could I… you go first.”

“Erm… would it be alright if I tried kissing you?” He froze,

“I was just going to ask,” He said. I took that as a yes, standing on my tip-toes to meet his lips. As he pressed his lips to mine, my heart started going a million miles an hour. He pulled me closer to him, our bodies now pressed up against one another. My hands ran up the back of his neck, scrunching at his hair. He cupped my cheek, his other hand wrapped around my back. He ran his thumb over my cheekbone, pulling away from the kiss. I was breathless, my hands still wrapped up in his hair. Opening my eyes to see his, beautiful and dark, looking into mine. I froze- and I fucked up. What were my first words after what was easily the best kiss I’d ever had in my life with the most gorgeous and perfect boy I’d ever met? 

“C-cuddle buddies- right?” He nodded, what looked like a forced smile on his face.

“Cuddle buddies.” He echoed. 

That chipped away at my heart, hearing him give up on what was completely imaginary in my head. I pulled away a little bit from him, shivering at the lack of warmth as the rain picked up,

“I-Inside?” He nodded. We ran inside, got yelled at for dripping water in the lobby, and changed clothes. I said I was going to Jack’s place real quick and got a nod from Race. I ran over to their apartment. 

“Hey Spo-” They said at the same time curled up on the couch,

“I fucking kissed him.” I blurted. Jack and Davey only stared at me. “I kissed Racetrack Higgins.” I breathed. I think that’s when it sunk in. 

I mean, that’s when the tears started flowing. 

I was confused. I don’t cry. Boys don’t cry.

Here I was, sobbing onto Jack’s shoulder while Davey rubbed my back. 

I was a mess in their apartment, crying my eyes out over a boy. 

Except he wasn’t just a boy, he was Racetrack Higgins,

And I love him. 

“I- it was wrong- he doesn’t know how I feel about him- I- I basically took advantage of him-”

“He wanted to though, right?”

“He doesn’t know I like him!” I argued, “I kissed him! It was such a good kiss, it was perfect except- except I fucked it up! I said ‘cuddle buddies’ afterwards because we made a deal and we’ve been cuddling for months and- and I fell for him!” I rambled. Jack and Davey looked at each other over me, unsure of what to do. I dug my nails into my palm and wiped my face, shaking still. “He’s perfect, Jack… Davey, he’s so incredible. He smiles and it lights up a goddamn room. He’s beautiful and I just want to keep him safe and happy and… and he likes someone, like… a lot. I- I know it’s selfish but I don’t want to lose him… but he’s not mine to lose.” I said quietly. 

“Spot… you should tell him how you feel,” Davey said, “It could only go two ways. He doesn’t like you back and you can try and get over him, or he does and then you would be able to kiss him whenever you wanted.”

“But then it would be awkward and- and he would leave and…” I let the sentence trail off. 

“Spot, Racetrack wouldn’t do that. You and I both know that, he isn’t an ass.” Jack said. 

“I- I don’t know… I’m scared.” Jack looked at Davey again. 

“I would be too,” Davey cut in, “Look… what if we made a deal… if- if I tell the guy that I like that I like him, would you at least consider telling Race?” 

“I- but-” I let out a sigh. I wanted Dave to tell Jack. “Is that just… I don’t wanna be mean here- is that an excuse to tell him?” Dave smirked at me, nodding slightly. 

“Yeah, but it’s alright though, right? I mean- I’ve liked him for a good… well, seven years? I think it might be time,” He said. I smiled wide at him, tilting my head back ever so slightly to Jack. Davey chewed on the inside of his cheek a moment before he answered, “Yeah, yeah it’s…” He let the sentence drift off. I smiled, turning back into Jack’s shoulder. I thought for a moment. 

“Am… am I allowed to kiss him again?” I asked. I could practically hear them thinking. They were quiet for a good twenty seconds. 

“That’s your choice to make, Spot.” Jack whispered, “But… you can’t do this after every kiss, right? Not saying you can’t cry- you’re so allowed to cry- but you have to know that Race wants to kiss you too because… I think that was a little bit of the problem here. Right?” I nodded, “Okay… so just make sure he really wants to do it if you do it again, but try to like… keep it together afterwards? If… if this happens again, I would maybe not kiss him until you tell him how you feel.” I looked up at Jack,

“Shit- that sounded all smart and stuff.” Jack gave a small grin, glancing up at Davey,

“Maybe he’s starting to rub off on me,” He joked. I let out a weak chuckle. 

“Spot… are you okay to go home tonight? You are welcome to stay, but I would just let Race know because… he worries about you, you know that?” I looked up at him,

“He does?”

“Mhm, that one time you broke your phone and had work and stuff and you didn’t answer us for a good two days and you missed half of movie night. Race was like… super duper worried. We got him calmed down but you should’ve seen the look on his face when you walked in the door. He jumped up and hugged you, remember?” I nodded, “He worries about you.” He repeated. I smiled a little bit. 

“Then I should probably head home,” I said, “I worry about him too,” I wiped the tears from my eyes another time, moving a little bit and standing up off the couch. “Hey, uh-” I paused a moment, “Thank you guys, I… I didn’t know what to do. If either of you need anything ever we’re right across the hall.” I said. They nodded, smiling. 

“Alright, go home and take care of him,” Jack said, pulling me in for a hug. I felt Davey’s arms wrap around the two of us. 

“You guys are pretty great, know that?” I could feel them smiling wider above me. I stepped out of the hug, looking to the door. “I’ll see you guys soon,” They said their goodbye and, with that, I went home. 

Race was sitting on the couch, a fluffy blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He looked up at me when I walked in the door, grinning as he saw me. I sat down next to him, but I saw the smile fall as I got closer. 

“Are you alright?” He asked quickly,

“Hmm?”

“Your eyes are all red… were you crying? Are you okay?” he asked quickly,

“I’ll be fine,” I said, smiling and shaking my head slightly, “Don’t worry about me,” He chewed on the inside of his cheek a moment before he nodded. He curled up into my side. He held my hand tightly against his chest, every now and then lifting it to his face and pressing a kiss into my knuckles. We drank together for a while. We were both a little bit drunk- well, more than a little drunk... We finished the movie on the tv, some Disney thing, and he looked up at me, curiosity in his eyes. “What?” I asked softly,

“Uh-” His eyebrows furrowed quickly, “I don’t know… you’re kind of… aggressive? God- no- you’re super duper sweet, but like… mostly to me? I dunno, you seem like a scary person, intimidating, I thought you’d take control with… y’know, what happened outside, but you were really gentle and it surprised me, is all.” I nodded,

“It was okay then, right? I- I just… I didn’t force you to do anything?” He shook his head, the corner of his lips playing up into a smirk,

“No, I kinda wanted to try that for a while, y’know? Just see how I would react and all. You… uh-” he chewed his lip. He took a sip of his beer on the table before he responded, “You’re a damn good kisser, Spottie.” He shook his head, “Now I ain’t gonna be able to look at you without thinking about it.” 

“S-sorry-”

“Don’t apologize- I ain’t complaining. I haven’t kissed anybody for… like… nine months? It was something I already missed but I think I’m gonna miss kissing you more than kissing in general,” I spoke before I could tell myself not to,

“We could do it again,” I froze, “I- I mean- if you want-”

“You’d be okay with it?” I nodded, chewing my lip. “Could we- uh- do it right now?” I paused,

“You really are good with doing this?” He nodded quickly,

“God, Spot- it was the best kiss I’ve ever had.” I felt myself blush,

“I mean… besides the actual… like, how good the kiss was. Think about how it’s gonna be tomorrow, you’re okay with it? I- I can’t hurt you, Racer.”

“Spot, trust me on this one, alright? I promise, swear on my own life, that I want this. Like- I really want this.” He said, blushing. He ran his thumb over the back of my hand. I cupped his cheek with my other hand, 

“I trust you, Race.” I said. He smiled, giving me a small nod. I leaned towards him, his lips catching mine. I felt electricity in my body, fireworks on my skin as he intertwined his fingers in my hair. It was simple kisses for a while, he tugged my hair softly and before I could mute myself I moaned. His tongue swept into my mouth and my brain short-circuited. I was laid back on the couch, him on top of me and we were kissing, I was making out with Racetrack Higgins. I had my hand on the small of his back, pulling him closer against me. He pulled back after a few more moments for air, I was practically panting. 

“This is okay?” He asked, I could only nod. His hair was messed up from when I ran my fingers through it earlier, his cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes looked… somehow different. He leaned down again, kissing my cheek, back to the edge of my jaw. He spoke softly, his voice husky in my ear. “Can I try something? I want to see what I can do, what I’m comfortable with- ‘red’ if you want me to stop.”

“A safeword?” He nodded. “Yeah- s-sure,” He kissed down my neck, agonizingly slow. He reached my collarbone, lifting my shirt slightly. I gasped loudly as he started sucking and nibbling at my skin, My hands were clutching at his shirt as he bit me, a little bit harder. “Race,” I moaned. He paused a moment before biting me again, a little bit further down. My hips jerked up and I let out a whine. He ran his tongue over the spot and I let out a quiet hiss before he bit a final and third time. I let out a small shout, “A-ah!”

“R-red?” He stammered. I nodded. He lifted his head up, fixing my shirt. I was panting, I was a mess. I was shaking slightly. I pulled him by the front of his shirt closer to me, snuggling into his side. We sat up on the couch,

“Jesus, Race…” I muttered,

“I- I’m sorry… I just wanted to try something… I didn’t know what to do, I haven’t done anything like that for a while. I- I didn’t mean to…” He said, his voice racked with guilt. I shook my head,

“I just didn’t know you could do that. God, Race… it was fine, you just bit a sensitive spot…” 

“Oh no- oh my god I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, I got a bunch of ‘em, if we ever do anything like… anything like that again I’ll tell you where to go easy.” I lifted my shirt slightly, looking at the spot just below the hem, peppered with hickies and three bite marks. 

“I- I tried to put them in a place no one would see ‘em…” He whispered, “I didn’t mean to do it so many times…” I leaned up and kissed his cheek softly. 

“Was that okay for you?” He didn’t say anything. “Racer, if you didn’t enjoy it we never have to do it again, I just want to know if that was alright with you. I want to know what you like.”

“I- I enjoyed it too much… that’s the problem… I told Jack ‘n Dave that I was ace, Albie and Elmer and some of them too… I- I don’t want to make them mad…”

“Race, they won’t be. I promise you.” I paused, “You feel guilty?”

“Yeah… there’s that part and- and we’re friends… I don’t know how to go back to normal after I saw you like- after I saw you all panting under me and saying my name like that.” He ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Hey, how about we make a little… deal of sorts? If it’s weird tomorrow, or any time for that matter, we never have to do it or talk about it again- we won’t even kiss if that’s weird. If it isn’t weird or anything, we’ll go from there?” He nodded after a few moments of consideration. 

“Yeah, that works.” He met my gaze. “I don’t… I don’t really want to do anything like that for a while. The kisses were really nice but I got scared right after I kinda realized what I was doing.”

“Then we don’t have to do that, and that’s really okay.” I said, taking his hand. “You surprised me that time,” I chuckled. He smiled, 

“What’d you do over at Jack and Davey’s?” He asked. I felt my heart drop. 

“I-” I froze, “Uh…” 

“What’s wrong..?” 

“P-please don’t hate me…” I whispered, “I- I told them what happened outside…” I felt him tense up under me, “I- I didn’t know what to do- I needed to talk to somebody… I didn’t mean to break your trust I just-”

“Spot,” He cut me off. I looked up, terrified. “It’s okay.” He said in a soft voice, “It’s alright, okay?” He held me closer against him, curling his legs into us. I melted into his side more, closing my eyes. He rubbed my back and I was almost asleep. “I’m so, so sorry for earlier. It was wrong… I was just… I can’t make up for it, I know I can’t. I fucking bit you… I- I don’t know if I want to do that again. Your lips were real soft, the kisses were nice. I- I don’t know if you liked the other stuff… I hope it was bearable… I just- I hope, if you did like it, that I won’t have to do it so often… I feel like I crossed a line for you… I just… I feel guilty about it, I guess.” He was silent for a few seconds. He was speaking quietly. I reached out for his hand, taking it in my own,

“‘S okay, Racer. You’s worry too much… just come cuddle with me, we’ll worry ‘bout it ‘nother time… ‘n if you don’t wanna do it we don’t hafta’, we don’t gotta do anything you ain’t comfortable with.” I said. He sighed softly,

“You ain’t supposed to hear that…” He whispered.

“Sorry… let’s go to sleep..?” He nodded. I reluctantly stood up, sleepily grabbing for his hand. I rubbed my eyes with a fist, leaning on him as we walked to the bedroom. I didn’t bother changing, collapsing on the bed. I kicked my jeans off, wigging around and heard them hit the floor. I mumbled into the blankets, “Fan,” I heard it kick on after a few seconds. “Thank you-” I wiggled around again, taking off my shirt. I laid on my back in a pair of boxers, feeling the cool air hit my chest. Race stepped in, wearing a baggy t-shirt. I sat up tiredly, grabbing for his hand again. “C’mon,” I led him to the bed yet again, I sat on the bed, making grabby hands and holding my arms out. “Hug,” I said. He smiled softly. He wrapped his arms around me, laying beside me. 

“You’re cute when you’re exhausted.” He teased,

“You’re cute all the time,” I said. “‘N warm… Jesus- I can’t get closer but I wanna be.” I wrapped my legs around his waist, resting my head on his chest. I blinked tiredly. “Kissing you was real nice, know that? Made me feel all fuzzy and junk.” 

“Yeah… yeah, me too.” 

“Good, good… Holy shit- hold on- you have abs?” I said,

“What? Oh- yeah. Dance does that to you, I guess. Makes you all strong ‘n stuff.”

“Whaaat-? That makes you even hotter! That’s not fair!” I whined, “You’re hot, you’re nice, funny, sweet, you give great kisses and you have abs?? Not fair- you gotta have at least one flaw.” 

“I got a bunch,” He chuckled. 

“We all do, but you’s a real good person, Racer.” I said. I started to doze off and I mumbled some words before I could tell myself otherwise, “Love ya’.”

I wasn’t awake long enough to hear his reply, if he even heard me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> Just yesterday we had 300 hits on this story, it isn't even noon yet and we have 344! Thank you guys so much!
> 
> Also to everyone who has commented you guys are really the sweetest-
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is reading! It really is what keeps the story going!
> 
> QOTD: If you had to choose a favorite character-movie or musical-who would it be?
> 
> My Answer: Honestly so hard to choose- I really really love Spot from the movie (I have yet to finish the musical thanks to the fact I can't sit through an entire movie without getting up and writing), but Race is a realllly close second, and Davey and Jack- Really they're just all so great, but Spot is just fantastic!


	10. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad goes to the bar and chaos ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some warnings for this chapter:  
> -past abuse/domestic abuse  
> -violence  
> -use of derogatory terms regarding lgbtq+ (two of them)
> 
> Oh boy stuffs going down
> 
> uh updates might slow down a little bit I've only finished up to chapter fourteen so I might switch to posting every other day
> 
> Enjoy~

Not much ended up happening in the few weeks following that. I mean- unless you count Jack finally confessing to Dave at the same time that Dave tried to confess to him. I wasn’t there, but when Jack told us the story it sounded like a really sweet moment. Every movie night since, they’ve been doing really sweet stuff, just cuddling and occasionally a kiss on the cheek or forehead. 

Honestly? I wanted it so goddamn bad.

We’d decided that we were going out to the bar. Not for any special reason, we’d just never really done it all together before. 

We sat around a booth in the corner, Jack coming back with all of our drinks. It was just Race and I, Jack and Davey, and Blink and Mush. We each took a few shots, laughing with each other about stupid shit. I tried my hardest not to be jealous of Jack or Blink- not because I wanted to date Davey or Mush, but because they got to hold somebody. My smile faltered for a second as I pushed the thought away. Race tapped the back of my hand under the table. I glanced down, he was offering me his hand. I took it in my own and he rubbed circles into the back of it. I smiled softly when Mush turned to us, 

“You two a thing?” He asked quietly. He was closer to me and Race didn’t quite hear. I flushed red,

“N-no- why would you think that..?” Mush raised an eyebrow, glancing at our hands and how Race was nearly leaning on my shoulder. I shook my head. “He doesn’t like me, stupid.”

“But you like him..?” He asked, a crooked smirk on his face. I blushed even more,

“What-? No!” I said quietly. I paused, glancing over at him and feeling my face soften. He was laughing, tears present in his eyes at something Jack had said. He turned to me, laughing even harder. His nose scrunched up as he smiled before turning back to the group. Mush gave a small chuckle at me,

“Yeah- you definitely don’t like him.” He muttered. I shot him a (mostly playful) glare. Race leaned on my shoulder after a few moments of deciding. I squeezed his hand quickly before I decided to let it go in favor of holding him as a whole. The only issue with this was that I usually held his arm, but he was almost constantly using his arm. I leaned down to his ear. 

“Are your sides okay?” I whispered. He paused a moment, thinking. 

“We can try. I’ll tap your leg if it’s too much. Just- don’t grab me too hard,” He whispered. I nodded, resting my hand gently on his side. He flinched only a little and I reached over to give his hand a reassuring touch. He gave me a small smile.

All of us just did a few stupid things at the bar, just getting drunker and drunker. Dave had volunteered to be designated driver- stay safe kids- and Jack was just getting more and more clingy. He was practically in Davey’s lap at this point. Race leaned into my side completely. I figured this out a little bit, but it was showing now: Racetrack Higgins was a total lightweight. He was drunk after three drinks. He was giggling softly to himself out of nowhere and moving little by little into my lap. He wrapped his arms around my neck, resting his head on my chest. It was probably about eleven that we’d decided to head home, we’d been there at least two hours already and bars weren’t really our thing. Everyone started to slide out of the booth, Davey gave us a glance.

“Uh- wait by the door one minute- we’ll be one second.” I muttered. Davey nodded, standing up. I leaned my head down to talk to Race. “Hey, uh- everybody is leaving, you ready to go?” He paused a moment before he simply cupped my cheek, whispering a few words,

“Can I?” I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. I flushed pink- he wanted to kiss me? 

“Yeah, you can.” I said. His fingers wrapped into my hair and he pulled me forwards into a soft kiss, gentle and simple. I smiled as he pulled away.

“We can go now,” He whispered, sliding off me. I followed behind him as he reached out his hand, making grabby motions and taking my hand in his. I was by no means sober- I was probably a little past halfway drunk. I saw everybody waiting by the door, watching us as we walked up to them. I also glanced around the table, making sure nobody forgot anything. When I was turning back to the door, I saw a guy very obviously staring at Race and I. I pulled him a little bit closer to me protectively when he turned around, muttering something. I felt rage boil up inside me, 

“Fuckin’ fags…” I whipped around towards him, feeling most of my sense of reason dissolving. I turned to Race. 

“You can walk to the door?” He nodded, “Dave’s watchin’ ya, you’ll be fine. I’ll be right there.” He nodded, smiling. He hadn’t heard the guy. As soon as he was out of earshot, I turned to the guy, “The fuck did you say?” I seethed, He turned to me, setting his drink down a little bit harder. 

“I said ‘fucking faggots’.” I felt my hands clenching and unclenching at my sides. I saw out of the corner of my eye Jack notice what was happening, quickly explaining to Davey-

But it was too late.

My fists were swinging at him before I knew what was happening. He had a good foot on me, but I knew I was stronger. He was heavier, for sure. But so long as I got a good first few hits I was set. I swung hard, knocking him in the nose. Second, the eye. I tried my hardest to avoid his mouth- didn’t want an infection tonight. He swore, hissing in pain. 

“Son of a bitch-” I was swinging again. I punched him in the jaw, recoiling slightly. I didn’t mean to hit him there- my hand hurt like hell. I tried to take the upper hand again, swinging out for a fourth time. He grabbed my wrist, inches from his face. My hand faltered. Shit- I hadn’t done this since high school. He sneered at me, twisting my arm. I tried hard to yank it away, but it didn’t work. I lifted my other arm as high as I could without being obvious and swung it down at his forearm, breaking his grip. He yelped and I swung at him, hitting him square in the face again. I didn’t like punching people- I fucking hated it, but this guy wasn’t going to call Race anything under my watch. There was a small circle formed around us when I heard some people breaking through. I went to swing at the guy again, somehow knocking him to the ground. I quickly got down on top of him, ready to bash his face in. That’s when I felt the hands on my shoulders, breaking my concentration. 

Jack and Dave were grabbing a hold of me, attempting to pull me back from the guy. I tried to wiggle out, but nothing worked. They pulled me back and I heard the guy talk again,

“Queers…” He grumbled. I felt more rage boil up, Jack must’ve known too. I heard him trying to talk me out of it, but sounded all underwater. They tried to pull me, but I stood my ground. 

Right about then is when I saw Race.

He was standing off to the side of the circle, tightly clutching at his chest. He bit his lip, tears in his eyes. He was staring directly at me, letting his gaze linger a moment. He looked so… scared? Broken? He turned his gaze to the guy on the ground for a second, turning away from the entire scene. Blink grabbed his hand, leading him outside and hopefully towards the van. 

All of a sudden, everything else came flooding in. 

I could hear Jack and Davey clear as day,

“-going to be fine, just take him out to the alley and talk to him, Race looked scared and I don’t know how to deal with that right now. Spot knows- but Race looked scared of Spot,” Jack said.

Race was… scared of me..?

“Spot?” Davey said. I turned to him, guilt, fear, and sadness blooming quickly in my chest. 

“I didn’t mean to scare him.” I managed to say. 

“Is it okay if we take you into the alley? Get you calmed down before we head home? Blink and Mush have Race- don’t worry about him.”

How could I not worry about him?

I nodded and walked out to the alley with them. It was somewhat clean, surprisingly. I slumped down against the wall, pulling my knees tight into my chest as Davey started his lecture.

“You can’t just punch somebody for no reason, Spot. He was just sitting there and you completely went off on him-” I heard him falter. I could see Jack lightly touching his shoulder, maybe as a signal to wait a minute? He walked up to me, crouching down beside me.

“Why’d you punch him?” He asked me. I tried to form words for a moment. 

“He said something I didn’t like…” I managed. Davey let out a small sigh,

“You can’t use violence just because-” Jack raised his hand a second,

“What’d he say?” Jack said. I clenched my fist as I started speaking.

“He fucking- he called Race-” I let out a small hiss of air, “He fucking called Racetrack a faggot. He called me one too- but that’s besides the point. He can’t just… just do that without consequences.” I seethed in anger, they were quiet, trying to think of something to say. “I didn’t mean to scare him. He- he’s scared of me… I- I can’t…” I froze. “Thank guy saw us kiss… in the booth, we kissed and- and now he’s scared of me.” I repeated. Jack wrapped his arms around me, 

“It’ll work out. Just… explain to him what happened, Race is one of the most understanding people I know, Spot. Everything will turn out just fine, okay?” I nodded into his shoulder. Davey spoke up after a few seconds.

“I- I’m sorry for trying to yell at you… I just… I thought he was gonna hurt you, Spot…” He muttered. I pulled out of Jack’s embrace,

“It’s okay, Dave. I get it,” I stood up. “Let’s- let’s go back home?” They agreed. 

Race sat quietly the entire way home, it was pretty quiet except for the music playing softly. We’d all gone to our apartments and Race was still quiet. I leaned my back against the door, tapping my fingers nervously. I managed to say a few words,

“I’m really sorry, Race… I didn’t want to do that.” He met my gaze, but didn’t say anything. He walked up to me calmly and took my wrist, rolling up the sleeves of my sweatshirt. He pursed his lips, leading me quietly to the bathroom. He was silent as he poured alcohol over the wounds, wrapping bandages around them. I couldn’t stand it. “Would you say something? Anything?” He responded sadly instead of snapping, just sad and tired.

“What do you want me to say, Spot?” He avoided my gaze. “I don’t like to see people getting hurt. I don’t want to think about him. Getting punched in the face hurts, Spot. I had to deal with it for two years and I don’t like to think about it.” He shook his head, putting away everything. 

“He hit you..?” I asked slowly.

“It doesn’t matter…”

“Yes it does, Race.”

“It’s happened- it’s over. I don’t want you to hit anybody for no reason ever again, got it?” He looked up at me sternly.

“It- it wasn’t for no reason-” He frowned slightly. “He just- ugh-” I put my head in my hands, mumbling the rest. “He called you something bad…”

“What?”

“He-” I shook my head. “He called you something bad, Race. I don’t fucking like it when people use that word and- and he just called you that and I can’t just let him do that!” I said, feeling angry at the whole situation again. 

“You can’t hit him, Sean.” I winced at the use of my first name. It was the first time he’d used it since he learned it. 

“But-” I struggled for words. I felt my body relax, pulling myself into a ball, feeling tiny against the rest of the world. “You’re sweet and kind and funny and selfless… you think of everybody before yourself and you speak softly when I don’t want it to be loud and you deserve the world and he doesn’t know that and- and he can’t just call you a faggot, Race… he can’t do that because you’re the best thing that’s ever been in my life and I can’t let anything hurt you…” I whispered the last few parts. He hunched down to my side, taking my hand in his. 

“It already happened, Spottie, okay? Don’t you go and feel guilty about it no more- it’s over with. We can’t do anything about it now but move forwards- and that’s what we’re going to do. We’ll go to sleep and we’ll be fine in the morning, alright?” I nodded, sniffling a little bit. “Are you okay?” I couldn’t say anything, “Spottie…”

“I didn’t mean to scare you, Race…” I whispered, “I- you looked so- I can’t scare you like that… I can’t just be okay knowing you thought I was going to hurt you.” I met his gaze. “You know I won’t hurt you? I can’t hurt you, Racer.” I said. He nodded,

“I know you wouldn’t, Spottie. But sometimes my brain gets all weird and- and sometimes people look like him and for a few seconds… for a few seconds you looked like him, Spot.” He said the words slowly, nervously.

“Do… do I look like him now?” He looked up at me. 

“You just have the same shaped ears, is all. You look so different, but it doesn’t matter who when I get all like that. No matter where I looked I could just see his face. I promise you, Spot, it’s fine.” I nodded after a moment. 

“Okay… yeah, okay…” I uncurled from my ball, standing up. 

He led me back to the bedroom, putting on a baggy t-shirt to sleep in. I took off my pants and shirt, laying down tiredly in the bed. He fell next to me, shivering a little bit. I looked over at him nervously, 

“Cuddles?” He waited a moment to answer,

“Just- just a little bit, that okay?”

“Anything is okay, Racer…” I said tiredly, He took my hand in his, resting the two of ours on his stomach. His fingers would run over mine every so often. I felt the tears running down my face before I could stop them,

“Spot?” He called my name.

“Yeah, Race?”

“Don’t cry…” He said, confirming his thoughts. “Hey- hey…”

“I don’t cry… I’m tough… boys don’t cry.” I said, wiping my face. 

“That’s not true,” He paused, “That’s not true at all. You’re tough and you’re a man, but men can cry. I cry too much, but that doesn’t make me any less of a man. You’re soft and sweet and gentle, but you can be a badass when you want to- y’know that?” I shrugged, “You’re super manly, Spottie.” He said, “You gotta trust me on this one.” 

“O-okay… okay, yeah…”

“Why were you crying?”

“I didn’t want to trigger it for you. I didn’t want to hurt him… I just-” I sighed, “That hasn’t happened since high school… I didn’t think I would have to fight again since- the guy was a total ass and deserved it, Oscar, but…” Race flinched slightly, “You okay?”

“Yeah- yeah, fine…”

“I just… you seem distant- that’s okay- don’t feel like you have to do anything. I just don’t want to scare you off. You’re incredible and I don’t wanna lose you, I don’t wanna lose your trust.” 

“Spottie… I trust you, okay? I really, really do. Sometimes, the night after I had a trigger, I’ll have dreams, nightmares. I start shaking and kicking and shouting- it’s not a good way to wake up, ask Jack. I look all scary and I don’t wanna kick you, alright? I need your touch to ground me, but I won’t risk hurting you.” He paused, “I- I also keep seeing how you hurt him, don’t feel guilty, there’s nothing you can do now it’s just- I dunno, it’s fine.” He shrugged, “Just hands tonight, okay?” I nodded,

“Whatever you’d like, Precious.” I paused. “I’m sorry- god I’m fucking tired and drunk-”

“P-Precious..?” He said slowly. 

“I- I didn’t-” He cut me off by kissing my hand, the joints of my fingers just below the bandage. 

“It’s sweet, makes me all fuzzy and stuff.” He paused, “Makes me feel Precious… I’d like to feel precious to somebody.” I rubbed his thumb,

“Oh-okay then…” I paused, “Goodnight, Precious…”

“Goodnight…” He paused, thinking. He spoke again about a moment later. He spoke a few minutes later when he believed me to be asleep “Sweet dreams, my darling.” He shifted in bed, but that wasn’t what caused the butterflies in my stomach, or the flutters in my chest. He put our hands back on his tummy, staying a small distance away. His breath evened out quickly, followed by a few light snores. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter!
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day!
> 
> QOTD: What are some of your favorite prompts/tropes for fanficiton?
> 
> My answer: I absolutely love fake dating (I am so going to write a longer fic based around that after I finish this one), high school aus (This one too) and soulmate stuff (Oh yeah- you that one too)


	11. I have to Piss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fluffier chapter because they need something before angst comes in the next one-
> 
> Spot listens to drunk conversation between Race and Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kinda sweet to write, next one won't be so nice :(
> 
> I have my summer job coming up it's three days a week cause child labor laws (omg- thank you newsies for starting a revolution across the country for those to be put in place-) but updates will slow down a little bit, I'm still going to update at LEAST once a week but I'm shooting for twice maybe three times.
> 
> Enjoy~

We kind of avoided bars after that. We woke up in the morning and ignored the subject until later that night. Race just sighed a little and looked at the bandages on my hands. He said something about changing them, and so he did. 

We didn’t really touch each other much for the two or three weeks following the incident and- as much as I completely adored the fact that he trusted me to tell me when he didn’t want to and I never wanted to force him into anything- I missed it so bad.

We didn’t do much for another month or so, work got busy and we didn’t see each other quite so often. I don’t know what it was that led up to the situation I was in now, does it matter, though?

I was laying in my bed at stupid o’clock in the morning and I couldn’t go to sleep because of the two guys in my living room. I was going to kill them in the morning- but I couldn’t do anything right now because they were both fucking drunk. 

I could tell it was Jack and Race. I’d hid in my room since they got back from picking up beers, I didn’t know nor care if they knew I was here or not. They were just laughing with each other, talking endlessly about the guys they like. For Jack, that was obviously Davey. For Race? I wasn’t so sure who it was. All I knew about the guy from what Race was saying was he was extremely hot, incredibly kind and- oh, he’s talking about him again now, actually.

“Jack- I just, ugh-! He’s so perfect! I swear to god- I know for a fact he would drop anything for me in a heartbeat and it feels so nice to know that you got someone on your side, y’know? It’s terrifying, though. I don’t want to fuck up or make him do something stupid, cause that would be my fault. But, Jack… I dunno,” He stopped shouting for a moment. I had to press my ear against the door to hear, “I haven’t been happy in a relationship for three years… with him at the very start and- and what if I mess up and… the guy doesn’t even like me, but if by some chance he did what if I fucked up and he turned mean? I- I don’t want to make him like that…”

Did Race blame himself for what his ex did to him?

The thought broke my heart. Race was considerate and too sweet for his own good… why did he blame himself for what happened?

“Why don’t you just ask him out?” Jack asked,

“W-well… I know he wouldn’t turn bad on his own, but I’m scared I’ll mess up so bad and make him that way… and I know he doesn’t like me. He said he’s got his eye on someone, he described him once or twice and he sounds real nice for him, y’know? I’d rather just keep him as a friend with all the ‘what ifs’ then lose him all together.” Jack was quiet,

“I didn’t think Dave liked me… know that? I was so sure for so long that he didn’t. I started to tell him how I’ve loved him for years and he started crying and just hugged me so tight and- and I thought I was going to lose him in that moment, that it was like he was just… pleading me to take it all back… I started to apologize and he kissed my cheek real quick over and over again, he told me how long he was waiting to tell me,” I heard Jack chuckle for a moment, “Sometimes you gotta take a chance, Racer.”

“But… when I would take a chance gambling…” He let out a quiet sigh, “I just… I can’t right now… you and Dave, you’ve known each other so long… I only met him…. A year ago? God- time goes too fast-”

“What does time have to do with it? I knew I loved Davey after I knew him for three weeks, I was sure. You remember? I told you then- we were… Jesus, were we… twelve? It’s been nine years already- anyways, do you remember what I told you? We were sitting on the swings at that old park there on the corner, about… half a mile from the school?” There was a short pause, 

“You told me that you were gonna marry him,” Race said, barely above a whisper.

“See- uh… I know it ain’t been long that we’ve been dating but…” I heard Jack rummage around, followed by a short gasp from Race.

“Jack- it’s beautiful,” He said, breathless.

“It- it ain’t much, but… I dunno, y’know… if he’ll say yes or not, I’m not gonna ask right now- but… I dunno, it feels like we’ve already waited long enough, like we’ve been dating forever.” I could hear the smile on his face. “Hey- do me a favor, yeah? Don’t tell him,”

“Geez, Jack- I ain’t that mean,” Race chuckled along with Jack. “I think he’d say yes, really, I do.”

“I just- uh-” Jack paused, “You know with the whole ‘gay’ thing… does one of us gotta wear a dress..? And who takes whose last name?” I could hear them both thinking then a short, small gasp from Jack. “Wait- wait- think about how pretty Davey would look in a dress,” I’d heard about a thirty minute long speech about how pretty Davey was from Jack right before Racetrack started ranting, “And like- one of them little things…” Yeah- no idea what he’s talking about.

“A… hmm, ain’t those called a veil or somethin?” 

“Yeah- that sounds ‘bout right,” 

Oh- I just remembered the reason I was standing at the door, totally not creepily listening to their conversation.

I had to piss.

I didn’t have a good opportunity to go yet, but I had to go worse every second that passed. I couldn’t really wait any longer. 

I quietly opened the door, trying to sneak out through the living room- where they were standing- to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I kicked the couch leg. I yelped loudly, followed by Race turning around faster than I’d seen anybody in my entire life. 

“Holy fucking-” He jumped about three feet into the air and fell backwords, shouting for a moment before dissapeariang into a fit of giggles. He spoke in between breaths once he was half calmed down. This entire time, by the way, Jack was just staring at the two of us, confused as hell. “I didn’t know you were here- thought you had work-” Race managed to say.

“Ah- yeah… no, not tonight.” I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. Jack’s eyes widened as he realized he still had the small, velvety box in his hand. “Sorry… I wasn’t really meant to hear all of that,” Jack shook his head, breaking out into a smile.

“I was gonna tell you when you got back from work anyways,” I smiled a bit internally. Jack really was a sweet guy,

“Could I see..?” He turned it towards me. It was pretty and simple, something that Davey would like. The stone wasn’t too big, but you could tell it was something important. “Dave’s gonna love it,” I grinned.

“Think so?” I nodded, looking back up at Jack. Race sat up from his spot on the floor. 

“Shit- I kept you up this whole time-”

“Race, don’t worry about it,” I shook my head, waving my hand. “I would love to stay and chat but I’ve had to piss for the past hour so I’ll be right back-” I walked- ran- to the bathroom, finishing up quickly and returning to them. Race was slumped over the couch, eyes half closed. The rush was starting to wear off and he was going to get dead tired in twenty minutes. Jack seemed like he was getting his things together, ready to go home. 

“I’m gonna head out, make sure you get him to a bed before he crashes, alright?” I nodded- Jack knew about it just as much as I did. 

“Alrighty, don’t get kidnapped or nothin’ on your twenty foot walk,” I teased,

“Nah- I let Dave know I was here but he still heard us talking… I wasn’t too loud about the whole uh… thing?” I shook my head, “Alright- good, want it to be a surprise…” He paused, “Anyways- I better be going. See you two… sometime?” I nodded,

“Til’ sometime,” Jack stepped out the door and I turned towards Race. I sighed as I walked up to him,

“Ready?” He nodded. I picked him up bridal style, carrying him to our bedroom. I sat him down on the bed, tossing him pajamas. He changed quickly while I found a pair of shorts to sleep in. He waved at me, wanting me to come into bed. “Just one more sec, Racer.” I muttered, pulling the shorts on. I laid down next to him and he came to me quickly like a magnet. He wrapped an arm tightly around my abdomen, pulling himself into me. He put his head on my chest, my arm wrapped around his back. It’d been a while since we’ve really cuddled at all. 

“I missed you…” He mumbled. He lifted his head up slightly, looking over me. His eyes remained on the spot where he’d bit just a few weeks ago. He traced his fingertips lightly over the spot, “I’m sorry…” He whispered. He turned his head sideways, kissing over where there had previously been bruises. He kissed my neck, sweet, closed-mouth kisses up to my jaw. He propped himself up, pausing at the corner of my mouth, He tilted his head to the side, his eyes half-closed. My hands traveled up his arms, one stopping on his chest and the other moving up into his hair. He closed the distance between us, his lips brushing against mine. I let my eyes close, relishing in the moment. Just enjoying the feeling of sharing the same breath as him, as his warm body pressed against mine, our legs intertwined. How he smelled and how soft his hair was between my fingers. Our lips met again, a little bit more desperate this time. He pulled back after a sweet moment, a small, soft noise escaping him. “I missed you, Spot Conlon.” I paused, confused,

“I never went anywhere.” 

“I couldn’t touch you because I was scared one of us would hurt each other…” He paused a moment, thinking. “Jack said I should try risking something, maybe I could start small.” He pressed another sweet kiss to my lips before he went back into his position by my side. He gave a small sigh, “I’m happy here, you know that?” He whispered. 

“I am too,” I whispered back. It was like we were sharing some secret at the park as kids, our voices barely heard by even ourselves. He reached over tiredly for my hand, pressing a tender kiss to my knuckles, 

“Goodnight, my dearest, sweet dreams.” I held him a little bit closer, and I fell a little bit more for him with each word he spoke. I knew he was just drunk, unsure of what he was saying. 

I know he didn’t mean it.

I know I did.

“Goodnight, beautiful.” It was more of a murmur, something I barely wanted to admit to myself. He was already half-asleep beside me, he didn’t hear. He snuggled into my side, giving a small, content sigh as we both drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Omg- just two days ago we had 300 hits and now we're passed 400! It's so so crazy
> 
> QOTD: Have you taken any of the stupid buzzfeed quiz things regarding the newsies?
> 
> My answer: I've taken two- 'Which character are you?' (I'm Davey and gosh darn it I am proud-) and 'Which song are you?' (Don't know how I'm a song but I got Brooklyn's Here and I'm not complaining I'd be so proud to be Brooklyn plus I'd have the honors of shouting '-never fear- Brooklyn is here' literally everytime I walked into a room)


	12. Groceries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Racetrack has a breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We learn Racetrack's backstory
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Abuse, rape/non-con, domestic abuse, violence etc.
> 
> This was probably my favorite chapter to write, does that make me a messed up person? Possibly.
> 
> It's a bit longer, but I feel like I got what I wanted to get across there. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was three months after I’d moved in that we had our first argument, if you could even call it that. It was basically just Race being a whiny baby and begging me to do the dishes for the fourteenth time in a row and I was tired. There wasn’t any yelling, just us asking the other to do it until we’d just ended it in a fit of giggles at how stupid it was and we both did dishes. 

Yeah, barely a disagreement- let alone an argument.

But the first fight?

That was about eight months in.

It’d been a week since he started going quieter. Just little things, we went out for dinner and he didn’t make a single joke. He laughed, but his eyes looked so far away. He just was never entirely there, and when we got home he would never respond with anything more than a sentence. At this point in time, kisses were kind of regular. I mean, we’d made out a few times but never more than that after the whole ‘bite’ thing. Something was just… off. He asked me, real nicely, if I would mind sleeping in the spare room. I nodded, but didn’t push. He didn’t touch me at all, except that one time we needed to go shopping and he took my hand in the big crowd on the way there. I was worried, we could both feel something was wrong but nobody said anything. 

Then, on Saturday about two weeks after he’d started everything, he started talking again. I was so relieved, it didn’t really register what he was saying. His voice got increasingly louder until he was practically shouting at me. About…

Groceries?

He just paced the room, muttering to himself while I stood there. He walked up, inches from me. He was shouting and I could feel his breath on my face,

“Race, I’ll go run to the store now-”

“Why bother??” He shouted, “It’s fine! It’s done!” He shouted at me but… his eyes still didn’t agree with what he was doing. He kept screaming, “You can’t change it now so why bother!” He turned away from me, pacing angrily around the room. 

“Race- do you want me to go to the store or not?” I asked. He shook his head, laughing the maniac kind of laugh people do when they’re angry. He sat down on the couch, his head in his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair as he continued to yell at me, going on about everything that was wrong and everything that I’d done wrong in the past… well, since I’d moved in. Talking about how I’d broken the lamp, how I’d punched the guy at the bar and everything else inbetween. 

“I didn’t mean to, Race. I- I paid for as much of the lamp as I could- I still have to pay rent and that was the same week my car broke. I shouldn’t have broken it, and I should’ve paid in full but I just… I couldn’t that week.” I said. He walked up to me and yelled again. I prepared to be yelled at for something I’d done again,

“Just fucking scream at me, would you!?” He yelled. I stood for a few seconds, confused,

“..what?”

“Just yell at me! Aren’t you pissed at me for saying that about you?? You paid for it- you did as much as you could and more and I’m telling you it’s not enough! Aren’t you mad at me for being an ungrateful bitch?? Aren’t-” His voice broke, “Don’t you want to scream at me and tell me I don’t ever do anything? That I’m never enough? Don’t you just want to fucking hit me and make me shut up?” He screamed. I didn’t know what to say,

“Race… what..?” Tears were building in his eyes,

“Just hit me already!” He shouted, they spilled over his cheeks. 

“I’m… I’m not going to hit you…” I said, confused. He spat the words again, crying harder,

“Just hurt me back already!” He was shaking, his voice losing it’s edge. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I scooped him up in my arms and was sitting with him on the couch. He was in a ball, my arms wrapped tightly around him. I held his head against my chest, petting his hair as he let out broken sobs. He was whispering now, “Just hurt me, hit me in the face and just- just do it… at least yell back…” He managed to say. 

“Hey, hey… don’t think about any of that right now, okay? Just breathe for me, we can worry about that another time, alright? You can talk to me once you’re breathing, but that’s all we need to focus on right now.” I said. He nodded against my chest. 

It must’ve been twenty minutes later when he was finally breathing steady. I tapped his shoulder softly,

“Race..?” He lifted his head slightly, “Can you tell me what happened just then?” He let out a sad, forced chuckle.

“Yeah, probably about time you heard my sob story- right?” He moved off my lap, sitting beside me. 

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” I asked before he started. He didn’t say anything for a moment, I almost thought he didn’t hear me.

“Stay. No matter what I tell you, promise me you won’t go.” He said. I nodded,

“I promise, I really do.” I said with a small nod. He let out a shaky breath before he launched into the story,

“So… you know I don’t have the best track history with relationships. My second serious boyfriend, his name was- uh… I- I can’t…. I’ll say it later, okay?” I nodded, “He was real sweet, he gave me hugs and cuddles and he gave a shit about what was going on with me. Everybody told me he was perfect for me except Jack… Jack said he had a bad feeling. I was.... Eighteen, senior year when we started dating. About…. Six months in was the first time he did something. He was sweet the entire night, he gave me a drink and I got… fairly drunk. I’d- I’d made out with a few people before him, but I hadn’t had sex…. I told him I wasn’t ready and he didn’t care… he just… pretended like nothing happened the next day. I didn’t tell anybody for a year and a half, we were dating for two years when I told Jack. That was the same day that Jack noticed the bruises. I- I was covered in them but it was raining and it wore the makeup off. He told me to break up with him…” He paused, “I didn’t realize I could do that. I- I never had any power over anything in the relationship… He would yell at me every day and hit me and tell me I deserved it. I dealt with it everyday for two and a half years…

“He put me in the hospital eleven months later… it just- things got out of hand and… and Jack made me stay with him at his apartment with Crutchie… Jack found me at his apartment because- because I was on the phone with him asking him what he thought I should do about everything because it was getting worse and- and he found out and Jack listened to me get almost- almost killed…” He paused, fiddling with his hands as tears ran quietly down his face. “I would’ve died if Jack didn’t come right when he did… I- I still have some scars but- but they’re mostly all up here…” He tapped his temple. “A-anyways… it doesn’t matter now, it’s fine. I’m just… I still let him control my life. It was today two years ago… the hospital thing… I still feel like I deserve to be hurt and- and I know I don’t be but…. I don’t know why I deserve you, you’re so kind and…. I yelled at you for an hour and you never raised your voice once.” He took in and let out a shaky breath again,

“I drank today last year too. That was when we made the cuddle buddy deal and- and so much has changed since then but it still hurts…. I- I don’t know what else to say.” He whispered the last part. 

“Can I touch you?” He nodded. I opened up my arms and he leaned into my side. I rubbed his shoulder. “You deserve the world, Tony…” I said, his breathing stuttered as I said his name, “I mean it… I really do, I know you’re strong, you’ll get past this.” I whispered into his hair. “What can I do right now to help you feel better?” He paused, 

“Don’t-” He gave a sad chuckle, “I know I asked you to, but please don’t hit me,”

“I never could,” I held him a little bit more protectively. He let out a shaky breath, leaning on my chest.

“His name was uh-” A pause, “Promise you won’t go beat him up again?” I paused… again?

“Do you mean it was the fucking guy at the bar-” He shook his head,

“Just promise me,” 

“Okay- I promise. But if he hurts you or fucking comes near you again I- I might break the promise.”

“Oscar.” He looked up at me. 

“The- the guy I beat up in highschool..?” I stammered. 

“Delancey…” He murmured. I took in a few slow breaths.

“Yeah- that’d be him.” I held him closer. “Race… what can I do for you?”

“Could… could I kiss you?” 

“If that’s what you want to do, I don’t mind.” He lifted his head, turning towards me. He cupped my cheek, his fingers running along my jaw, almost pulling me towards him. Our lips met, a slow, soft kiss. He pulled away after a moment with a happy sigh. 

“God- you’re perfect, Spottie… I don’t know what made me go all distant from you… I’m-” He choked on his words, “I’m so sorry for yelling at you. I just- I just wanted something familiar… I wanted to feel pain because it was engraved into my brain for two and a half years everyday for hours that I was worthless and pain was all I deserved. I dunno, I’m just a little messed up.” I held him close to me, rubbing his back, 

“You’re not messed up at all, Race… You’re perfect and beautiful and considerate, you deserve the world and nothing less. I know you don’t believe that, but I know so.” I gave him a small squeeze before I pulled away. I furrowed my eyebrows for a mere second, “How much sleep have you been getting?” 

“Dunno…” He shrugged, “Maybe two hours..?” I felt concern blooming in my chest, “...three days ago?” I took his hand in mine, leading him to his bedroom.

“You gotta sleep-” I said. I stood awkwardly outside the door. “Uh- am I allowed here for the night..?” Race pursed his lips, “If not- I totally get it-”

“I’ve had nightmares everyday this week… I don’t want to sleep because I can still see him.” He said. 

“Hey, that’s alright. Does it help if someone is there with you?”

“Yeah- but it would really suck for you,”

“I’ll take care of you, Race.” I said, slipping inside his room. I looked around. It was a little…. Okay- it was trashed. “Uh… is it okay if I pick up some of the stuff?” He nodded,

“I’m helping, though.”

“Okay- five minutes, then you’re going to sleep.” I said. We picked up his room, getting most of everything put away. I glanced around, everything was clean. “You want Moomoo and Daisy?” I asked. He blushed a little bit, glancing at the ground. I smiled a little bit, talking to him as I went to grab them. “It’s okay to ask for them, Race. I’m not gonna say anything bad about it. It’s cute, y’know.” I sat them beside him. He crawled into the bed, melting into the sheets. I crawled in beside him, kicking off my sweatpants so I laid beside him in just a t-shirt. “Cuddles?” I asked. He nodded, turning his back to me. I laid, confused for a moment til I heard his whisper,

“Little- little spoon..?” I smiled, moving up against his back. I bent my legs to match his and he intertwined his with mine. I wrapped my arm protectively around his middle, holding him gently against me. He tilted his head back, looking up at me. He sighed happily. “I’m glad I met you, Spottie darling.” He whispered, his breath ghosting across my cheek. “You’re kind and you make me feel like something worth trying for, know that? You make me want to be a better person.” He yawned, “I haven’t fallen asleep in a bed with anybody since him, know that? With you, it was so so easy. Your hands are gentle and you always, always ask if it’s okay. You asked even before you knew everything. It wasn’t you just being careful with me, you knew it was an important part of everything- the consent part. You weren’t just pitying me, you’re a good person.” He tucked his head back down, wrapping his arms a little tighter around his plushies, “Don’t worry about me too much, Spottie doll. I get a little bit better everyday.” He yawned again. 

“You need to sleep, Racer.” He was quiet for a while, I almost thought he was asleep until I heard a soft voice, almost a whimper. 

“I’m scared.” He started, “I see him hovering over me and- and panting on the first night he wasn’t- he wasn’t nice… then I see him hitting me over and over again then it’s the hospital and- and Jack and then I just get stuck in a loop of hurt.” He said. I didn’t really know what to say.

“You’re allowed to hurt, Race. I know you’re scared of him, I know you are scared of what happened to you. We all have our fears, and we have to face them. We have to look at our past in order to heal, okay? Sometimes, it’s easier with another person. I’ll be here for you while you dream- remember that. I’ll protect you because you helped me so many times.” I held him a little closer. He nodded sleepily.

“I scream and I kick, it’s what I did when I would try to get him off me. Let me kick and let me scream. I’ve muffled it as much as I could so you wouldn’t hear. I need you to let me do it. Afterwards, I just cry real quiet. You can wake me up then.” He said. I nodded, rubbing his belly comfortingly. He melted into the touch, “Goodnight, Spottie, Darling.” 

I didn’t like how sweet I felt at each pet name.

“Goodnight, Race.” I whispered. He was asleep almost a minute after. I closed my eyes, sleep came almost just as quickly. 

I woke in the middle of the night to whimpering. I opened my eyes to see Race laying just in front of me. He was trying to push my arm off him. I removed it, opening my eyes a little wider. He moved further away from me, still asleep. The cries turned into pleads, almost clear words. 

“Go away- not tonight.” It started out, “Hon’ please, I don’t want to.” A little more desperate. “Oscar- get off me.” They melted into something terrified. “Oscar..? N-no- don’t take my clothes- don’t-” His words were cut off with a choked sob. I listened to his words, trying as hard as I could to not think about what he could be seeing. He was shaking now, tears running down his cheeks. “I- I didn’t ask for this-” I felt my hands shaking and I grabbed my legs to steady them. I shook my head, along with any thoughts. He suddenly went quiet. Then, he started kicking. 

He thrashed around on the bed, crying loudly. I wanted badly to hug him, tell him it was okay. I couldn’t- he told me not to. 

I waited, hoping to god he wasn’t in any pain. 

I waited for ten minutes. 

He went quiet and the tears continued to stream down his cheeks.

I tapped his shoulder, no response. 

I grabbed his arm, shaking it a bit. 

“Race?” I asked, a bit quiet. “Race.” I said, louder now. I hit his shoulder, not nearly enough to hurt him but enough to get his attention. His eyes were open in a second and he froze, he stopped shaking, and he let out the tiniest, smallest squeak. “Race… It’s Spot, you’re home, you’re okay.” I cooed, hoping to calm him down. His eyes flickered everywhere. “Hey- hey, look here,” I pointed to my face, “Focus on me, okay? We’re gonna get you through this, can you move at all?” I took his not-moving as an answer. “Alright… blinking?” He blinked. I nodded, “Okay, good, you’re doing so good for me. Uh- blink once if I can touch you, twice for no.” One blink. “Okay, I’m going to touch your left hand now.” I reached under the blankets, sliding my hand under his. His palms were sweaty and he was locked up. I rubbed circles into the back of his hand. “Keep up the once for yes twice for no thing, alright?” One blink, “You want me to keep talking?” One blink. “Is it okay if I move closer to you?” One blink.

I slid closer to him, crossing my legs and moving our hands into my lap. I spoke softly to him, “You’re doing so, so good for me, you’re brave and you can get through this, I know you can because you’re brave and smart- no matter what anybody else says. You’re incredible and I know you can do this, alright? You’re doing great, Racer.” I paused a moment, “Is there any way I can get you to loosen up? You’re gonna get tired in a little bit, it’s gotta hurt… you’re all tense and locked up…” I frowned slightly. He blinked once. “Okay- uh… massage?” Two blinks. “You need to cool down?” One blink. I pulled the blankets back. He was covered in sweat. 

“Anything else I can do?” One blink. “What if I just touched you? I promise I won’t touch anywhere you don’t want me to- I wouldn’t ever do that, alright?” He blinked once. “Okay-” I ran my hand slowly up his arm, continuing to gently rub small circles into it. His muscles loosened up as I went along. “You’re doing so good for me, baby,” I froze at the accidental use of a pet name, but now wasn’t really the time for me to get awkward about it, was it? I made my way to his shoulder. “You’re doing so well, not just right now. You’re gentle and you care about things that we do, you remember little things that I say and you trust me enough to tell me things. That made me feel really special, you trusted me. You noticed when I wasn’t feeling well at a party, you knew what was wrong and I didn’t have to tell you. You took me out of the room, to a quieter place and you skipped a party just to sit with me and get me calmed down.” I moved down to his chest, “You care about me, and it’s comforting to know somebody is on your side. It’s even better to know that that somebody is someone as incredible, talented, and beautiful as you are. It’s an honor knowing you, Racetrack Higgins. You’re doing so good, even when you don’t think you are.” His entire upper half was relaxed. I moved my hand down to his calves, rubbing small circles into them. I held his hand with my other, running my thumb over the back of his knuckles. 

“Are you still comfortable?” He blinked once. “Okay- is there anything else I can do right now to calm you down or uh- one blink if I should just keep going with this?” One blink. It was quiet. I focused on his legs until I saw him blinking quickly, trying to get my attention. “What is it?” I paused, “Oh yeah- can’t talk.” I bit my lip. “You want me to stop?” Two blinks. “Did I forget something?” Two blinks, “Did I…” I paused, “Do you want me to keep talking?” One blink. “Is that all?” One blink. 

“Alright, okay.” I paused, thinking for something else to say. “The day you shouted at me from the van, when we first met, I wasn’t having that great of a day. It was raining, and it was just all around a bad day at work. I think that’s one of the reasons I got in the van, and- and it made me think everything happens for a reason, y’know? I’m so, so glad I met you. You’re the best thing in my life, and I can’t imagine anything without you.” I paused, thinking what else to say. I moved my hand to his other leg, finishing that rather quickly and rubbing the back of his knee. “Is there something I can do so you can talk?” Two blinks, “Does it take a while for your voice to come back?” Two blinks, I thought for a moment, “When you can move, can you talk?” One blink. “Alright, thank you Race. You’re doing so well for me, Darling. You’re doing perfectly. I’m so proud of you, know that? You’re being so, so brave for me. I promise you, I’ll be here for you no matter what. You won’t have to go through this by yourself ever again, we can do this together.” I said, scared at the idea of Race just sitting here frozen, by himself. “Are you almost back to normal?” One blink. “Okay, alright… take a few deep breaths for me, alright? Just focus on me, don’t think about everything, just think about me right now,” 

It was probably five minutes later that he was completely relaxed. I held his hand in my own, his fingers finally interlocking with mine. I laid down next to him, he turned his head to face me. I spoke softly, 

“I know I already said it, but you did so good just then. I knew you could do it, you can always do it. You were so brave.” I paused, “Cuddles or not yet?” He nodded. “Alright. Uh… I’m still going to go a little easy, alright? I’m just going to wrap my arm around your waist, and pull you into me gentle. I won’t do anything else, alright?” I did just that. 

He spoke maybe twenty minutes later, just a husky, just-above-a-whisper tone. 

“Spot?”

“I’m here, Tony. Are you okay?” 

“I- I think so.” He was quiet for a moment. “You meant it? All that stuff you said?”

“Y-yeah- I didn’t mean to go too far-”

“Spot, it worked so well. That’s the shortest amount of time I’ve ever been stuck like that. I’ve done it for hours each night for the past week. Thank you so much.” He turned his head to face me and planted a soft kiss to my cheek. 

“Of course, Race.”

“I- I’m not really sure what to say… I didn’t really want you to see the nightmares…” He mumbled,

“That’s alright, I’m- I’m just worried… you’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m not sure of anything…” He snuggled into my side. “Spot, you’re the single best person I’ve ever laid eyes on. You just… did that, and it wasn’t a big deal to you. Spot… I- I can’t tell you how thankful I am…” He whispered,

“It’s okay, Race. I told you- I got you. We’re in this together. You don’t gotta think about all that stuff, though. You’re tired?”

“A- A little… I usually only have one nightmare every night.”

“You think you can go back to sleep?”

“Mhm… just need a few minutes…” He paused. “I didn’t freak you out?”

“I was just worried… you looked so scared and- and the things you were saying…” The sentence drifted off.

“Okay… that’s alright…” He turned towards me. “Could I kiss you once? I just- I keep getting the same sick feeling of his hands being mean and- and he tasted awful… I just…”

“Of course, as long as you’re sure you want to.” He nodded, cupping my cheek and his lips met mine softly. I couldn’t help the butterflies in my stomach until he pulled away with a small sigh. 

“Thank you, Spottie.”

“A-anytime, Racer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> (After writing this, I had to take a day off because it like mentally broke me. This is probably the best chapter I've written please don't have super high expectations here going forward- there are a few not so good chapters coming up I'm not happy with them, but after writing this and the next chapter it kinda put my in a slump so apologies for that)
> 
> QOTD: What are some of your favorite songs? 
> 
> My answer: I don't really have any! I'll put the last five or so songs I listened to, but please feel free to give me spotify playlist names because I love listening to music while I write! Songs: She: Dodie. Belief: Ben Fankhauser (I love him omg his vocals are just so good-). Why do you feel so Down: Declan Mckenna. Are You Bored Yet: Wallows. You've Got a Friend In Me: Cavetown. I listen to like... everything though! I don't have a specific genre I like, I just like music in general!


	13. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started out as fluff then it goes downhill
> 
> Race believes that he is broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's maybe a lil bit of smut here but it's marked if you wish to skip it :)
> 
> We are learning Spot's backstoryy
> 
> I have yet to figure out where this story is going but it is at 43k words 
> 
> wut
> 
> Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, possible mention of rape/non-con, past abuse
> 
> Anways~ Please enjoy!

We slowly got through it. He had one more nightmare that week, I’d gotten him through it just the same as I had the first time. The rest of the group was relieved when he started doing things when we went out again, when he was back to being himself. We were sitting on the couch now, wrapped up together in a fuzzy blanket. 

“Hey,” He spoke up. I looked over at him, concerned at his serious tone. “I- I don’t really know how to say this but… thanks for sticking with me for everything going on. So much has happened, it’s hard to follow but… thanks, for staying and all.” I smiled softly, thinking over what he said. 

“Of course, I’ll be here a long time, Race.” I smiled, reaching under the blanket to find his hand. He rested his head on my shoulder. 

“It’s nice to finally have a break. It feels like we haven’t been able to just stop and breathe for so long.” He sighed, 

“I know… we’re getting through it though.” I paused, curious. “I uh-” I stopped talking,

“What is it?”

“With the whole asexual thing… did you ever really get that figured out?” I asked, nervous I was bringing up a bad topic or that I asked in the wrong way. 

“I dunno… it’s kinda just… there. I feel like I’d inconvenience someone if I did do it with them, I’d have to stop every little while and get calmed down for the first few times, y’know? I- I know I can have feelings for people…” He swallowed nervously, “I… would you be bothered if I got a boyfriend?”

“Huh? You mean like… cause it’s a guy? I- I’m gay, Race-”

“N-no, I just mean… like if I had a partner, would you be bothered?” I couldn’t say anything for a few seconds, I was so confused, 

“I wouldn’t be bothered by anything like that, Race.” I thought for a second, “I mean, I’d miss the whole cuddle thing but… I dunno, I’d get through it, I guess.” 

“Oh- we wouldn’t have to stop,” He said, but froze. “I- I just- I dunno, Spottie. Everytime I see him I get so much closer to telling him…” He grumbled, “I just… I wanna do it.” He said. 

“Then do it,”

“But I can’t.” He groaned. 

“I- I dunno, Racer… I’m not too good with this stuff, I guess. I’m basically in the same situation.”

“Really?” 

“Mhm, he doesn’t like me back though, I don’t gotta worry about telling him. I mean- I do, I really want him to know but…”

“Is Spot Conlon nervous?” He teased, 

“W-what? No-” I tried to put on a front, “M-maybe?”

“It’s okay to be, I’m scared as fuck.”

“Yeah- but…” I paused, letting out a soft sigh. “I’m scared to just… put my feelings out there like that… I know it sounds awful and selfish, but I’m scared I’ll get rejected and- and things won’t be able to go back to how we have them now… I’m scared I’ll get hurt, or that I’ll hurt him…” I said the words carefully, having kept them bottled up and secret (even from myself) for so long. He just looked at me for a while, “You don’t have to say any fantastic advice or anything, I wouldn’t know what to say either.”

“I’m…” He was quiet for a moment. “It’s okay to be scared, Spot. I know that you don’t talk about your feelings much, that’s why it makes me feel so special the few times you talk about them with me. It’s scary to put everything out there like that and trust somebody enough to take care of it, but sometimes you have to take a risk like that for the chance of something better.” He said. Somehow, I couldn’t say anything. “I dunno, Spottie…”

“Race… thank you,” I managed to say. 

“Oh, sure. I just- sometimes I say some smart things.” He shrugged.

“Hey- let's not worry about everything going on right now, alright?” I suggested, “We deserve a break, everything that’s happened.” He nodded. 

“I dunno… some part of me tells me that I deserve it.” He chewed on his lip, “It’s punishment for everything I’ve done wrong.”

“What’ve you done wrong?”

“I- I can’t say…” Guilt racked his voice.

“That’s okay, Racer. You just have to know that you deserve to be okay.” I whispered. “You deserve to be happy.” He stayed quiet for a few minutes. He nuzzled into my shoulder, 

“I don’t know what to do… I feel lazy…”

“Then we can lay around all day, not a big deal.” I rubbed his shoulder. I pressed a kiss to his temple and curled my body up into him, crossing my legs over his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his chest. “Are you happy?” I asked,

“Hmm?”

“Right now, scale of one to ten, are you happy?” I asked. 

“I- I dunno- I feel like whatever number I say might be an insult-”

“I’m just curious, I ain’t gonna get mad or nothin’.”

“Uh-” He thought for a few seconds, “Eight point five?” I smiled, 

“I was gonna say that-” I smiled. I wasn’t lying, I was. “I was just wondering, I could ask that everytime we do somethin’ and then we can do a bunch of stuff that you really like.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“We gotta do stuff that you like, too.”

“If you’re happy, I’m happy.” I said,

“We still have to do stuff you like to do,”

“Okay, sure.” I tilted my head to look up at him, “What do you like to do?”

“It depends what we’re talking about, like in general or like… right now just being together in the house?” 

“Whatever you wanna do, just like… affordable? God- that sounds mean- I just mean like… we can’t really afford Disney right now.” 

“Yeah, I get it- doesn’t sound mean.” His arm wrapped around my waist. “I like being with you, wherever we are. I like falling asleep with you, I like watching the rain with you and I like trying to find the rainbows afterwards outside, when everything smells like rain and you’re holding my hand.” I smiled to myself, that was something we’d done more than once. “I like when we’re hanging out with everybody and we do little things like hold hands under the table or sneak to the kitchen for kisses. I like that I can be honest with you almost all the time, and I like that you’re starting to open up to me. I liked it that one time when I bi-” He cut himself off, 

“Hmm?” He stayed quiet, “You can tell me anything, Racer.” He finished his sentence quietly,

“I liked that one time I bit you and there were hickies- I didn’t like that I hurt you b-but…” I was quiet for a few seconds before I responded,

“You’re sure you liked it? I- I just wanna make sure you aren’t just saying that cause you feel like you have to.” 

“N-no- I liked it-” He bit his lip, looking away as he nervously picked at his fingernails. 

“If you wanted to try something a little like that at some point, I wouldn’t mind.” He nodded, 

“Did you like it?” It took me a minute to figure out what he said, he’d spoken just above a whisper. 

“Yeah, I was just really surprised, is all.” He nodded, “If we end up doing it again, I gotta show you all the sensitive spots. You can use them to your advantage, but y’know… keep it in mind when your doin’ stuff that hurts.” 

“T-the biting hurt you?”

“Y’know what I mean, the pain with pleasure is the whole thing,” He nodded. “Should we like… plan out a day? Or is it just a it-happens-when-it-happens kinda thing?”

“I just think it happens when it happens..?”

“Works for me,” I said. He let out a small sigh, he seemed to relax a lot. “You alright?”

“Mhm, just… been worried about that for a while…” 

“You can talk to me about it, y’know.” 

“Y-yeah… I just… didn’t know how to bring it up?”

“That’s okay, we talked about it now, you did good.” I smiled, pressing a light kiss to his collarbone. 

It was a good few weeks later, it was late at night and we’d relaxed most of the day. I was lying just in front of him, facing away from him as little spoon. He’d been quiet for so long, I thought he was sleeping. We’d been silent for a good thirty minutes.

“I can’t sleep,” He whispered. I shuddered as his breath blew against my neck.

“Me either,” I rolled around to face him, looking up into his half-closed eyes. He had a small smirk on his face as I snaked my arms up over his shoulders, my hands resting on the back of his neck. “Can I?” 

-smut start

“Please,” I pulled him down into a soft kiss, my body moving closer to him on its own. I was pressed up against him, kissing him long and slow. He surprised me when his hands were on the small of my back, pressing me up against him. I was even more surprised when he nipped at my bottom lip. I let out a quiet noise, my mouth falling open. Our tongues were against each other, a feeling I hadn’t really had time to get used to before. He tasted like toffee, something I noted as I scrunched his curls between my fingers. He pulled away slowly, moving back towards me after a few agonizing seconds, he placed slow, closed-mouth kisses along my jaw, down my neck to my pulse point. My breath stuttered as he nipped at it, sucking and biting at it until I was entirely sure I was going to have to find make-up in the morning. My back was arched as he moved down to my collarbone, his hot breath on my chest making me squirm. 

His hands were on my hips as he moved down my chest, teasing me as he seemed to go even slower. I was whiny under him, practically begging him… for what? I blushed at the thought, having sex with Racetrack Higgins? I was pulled from the thought as he took my nipple into his mouth, our shirts long forgotten. 

“Fuck-” I cried out, my hips bucking. He held them down, his thumbs digging into them, not too hard, though. I brought my hands down from where he’d earlier placed them above my head, gripping onto his shoulders. “S-sensitive-” I stammered, he pulled back quickly, 

“I-”

“Fuck- no- keep going, god that was perfect- you’re perfect.” My back arched again, trying to follow him. “Sensitive just means everything is amplified. If it’s pain, it hurts like hell. If it’s pleasure…” I let the sentence drift off as he leaned back down towards me, open mouth kisses to my other nipple. I tilted my head back in a wave of pleasure, I heard him mutter something.

“-try something?” 

“Anything,” I figured I knew the gist of what he was asking. I was still surprised when his hand was on my throat, squeezing in the right places so that I could breathe while still feeling pleasure, not nearly hard to leave any visible marks. I let out a moan, “Race~” He ran his thumb over my jaw for a moment as his mouth went further down my body, nipping at my sides. I noticed he hesitated above the line of my shorts. I felt logic come rushing in, “Tony… you don’t gotta do anything,” I said. He paused, 

-smut end-

“But- I- I can’t just tease you like that and not do anything-” I sat up enough to look at him, I cupped his cheek, 

“You can do that, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to and you sure as hell don’t gotta be pressured into anything.” He looked like he didn’t believe me, but nodded anyways. He moved up the bed, letting out a shaky sigh as he laid down. I looked up at him, concern showing in my face. “Hey… it’s alright, c’mere…” I opened my arms and he moved into them, his face against my chest. He started shaking a little bit, “Shh…. it’s alright, I’m here…” I whispered into his ear, holding him close to me. He cried silently for a while, maybe fifteen minutes later he stopped shaking. I rubbed his back, speaking softly, “You alright?” He shrugged, 

“This is the second time this has happened, Spot…” He whispered. “I- why am I broken?” He asked, his voice desperate. I pulled back a little bit, enough to look him in the eyes. 

“Racetrack Higgins, Antonio, you aren’t broken.” I said. “You aren’t broken, why… why would you think that?” I asked. He shook his head,

“Don’t you see? If anyone else were in my position, they wouldn’t have hesitated! I- I had a gorgeous, perfect boy laying right in front of me and- and it was going so well and then I thought about him. I- my brain is broken, I just had the opportunity to do… I don’t know-! Something more with you, and I didn’t take it because he still controls my life- most every normal, non-ace,non-broken person wants to have sex! I just might’ve had that option and I- I couldn’t do it even though you’re incredible-” He shook his head again, “Don’t you see? I’m broken.” 

I just looked at him for a few seconds, speechless at his completely hopeless tone. I didn’t know what else to do. Even though I shouldn’t have started talking about myself, I didn’t know what else to do right then.

“A little under two years ago, I was walking home from work. It was just pouring, everything was gloomy and awful and I was alone. I was alone and nothing was going right. I was going to go home that night and give up- no one would have noticed if I was gone the next day. I was walking out of work but it was pouring and I was standing under a canopy and I thought I was broken beyond repair, and you throw out things that are broken.

“I was walking home but I had to stop because it was raining even harder and I heard someone yell at me from a van and… and I didn’t know what else to do, I thought ‘why not’? I got in the van and- and I met five of the most incredible people in the world. I hit rock bottom that day. It- it was the worst and best day of my life. I met the five best people in the world that day, all because I forgot my umbrella. You were drunk and you were yelling at me and you saved me. 

“I’m saying that wasn’t that long ago, if you think about it. I thought I was broken and not worth trying to fix. Now I have five fantastic friends, and I have one boy who I’d give anything for laying right in front of me.” I paused, chewing the inside of my lip. “Things get better, and you can’t think that you’re broken. You can’t break. You can get pushed down over and over again by life, but you can’t break because you’re strong and you have people next to you to help you get through it, who will help you get up again no matter what, even if you don’t think they’re there.” I paused, shaking my hands out a little bit nervously, “What I’m trying to get at here is that you aren’t broken, you’re strong and you can get through anything. You might feel awful all the time, but you aren’t broken and you don’t need to be healed because your past makes you who you are and- and I won’t listen to you talk so bad about yourself because you saved me.” I finished. He stared at me for a good minute. 

“You were gonna..?” I nodded quickly, “And I..?” Another nod. “Spot… Sean… I just- I was drunk and I made Davey pull over because I told him I had to pee but it was because I saw you and I thought you were hot-” He shook his head, “I saved your life because I thought you were hot?” He asked. 

“I think we were supposed to meet each other, as cliche as that sounds.” I said, “It doesn’t matter why, I’m just glad you did.” I said. He stared at me before closing the space between us for another kiss. He pulled back, still only an inch from me. 

“You promise me you won’t?” He asked,

“Race… never.” I said. He still seemed skeptical, “I promise, I’ve never broken a promise.” I reassured. He nodded, finally melting into me. I pressed my lips to his forehead, “I couldn’t leave you if I wanted to, my darling.”

God- me and letting the fucking pet names slip. 

“I- I mean- Race,”

“Your darling?” He asked, a teasing smirk on his face. I failed in fighting down a blush. “Well, I don’t want you to go anywhere, sweetheart.” He said. 

Oh god- I almost fainted right there. 

I started sputtering, unsure of what to say. 

“Oh- I’ve called you darling before, you like sweetheart more?” He teased. I blushed, tucking my head down into the pillow, “I gotta make a list of names to try out now, see which ones you like.” He winked. I let out a small whine, pulling the blanket up over my shoulder and shaking my head. I lifted my head up, ready to come back full force.

“Well, darling, shall we cuddle?” I asked. His cheeks were pink, but he continued. 

“Anytime, sweetheart.” He winked, wrapping an arm around me. I melted into his familiar touch, closing my eyes peacefully as his hands ran up and down my sides slowly. I was exhausted, I knew I just needed to shut up but the words were coming out of me faster than I could think them through to stop them. 

“Race- you looked so good earlier, your lips all over me with my hands in your hair. You taste good, too, like toffee. God- it just felt so good.” Thoughts from earlier were tumbling out of me, “And when you choked me? I never thought I’d have a thing for that but god- everything you did was just so perfectly hot.” I rambled. He was bright red in front of me, 

“It was good?” He asked. 

“Race, darling, it was fucking fantastic.” He was quiet for a bit, 

“You looked so good, so whiny and needy right there in front of me. I could listen to you saying my name the way you did all day, and when your hips bucked? So hot-” He said, cutting himself off. I moved my hand to his arm, rubbing circles into his shoulder, 

“Babe, just tell me what you liked, I can do it next time so you can feel good.” I said gently. I only noticed what I’d called him after I’d said it. “Sorry- not use to- argh- I dunno,”

“I-It’s fine-” He was red, “I- I don’t really know what I like..?” He said, “R-remember- the whole ‘never having sex with a half-decent human being’ thing?” I nodded, 

“Well, we’ll have to figure it out then, won’t we?” His eyes widened a bit. “Like- like the cuddle buddy deal, just… different topic? I dunno- we’d just do little stuff, y’know? Nothing you wouldn’t feel comfortable with. We’ll figure out what you like, what you don’t and everything in between. Of course- only if you want to.”

“How- how would we go back to being friends if we had sex..?” He asked slowly. 

“Well, I promised I ain’t leavin’ right?” he nodded, “I meant it. Look- we’re talking fine now, you just put all these hickies on me like… thirty minutes ago?” I motioned at my chest. He blushed, 

“Yeah- alright. I ain’t making any deals. It’ll just be… something that we talk about sometimes? “I nodded, 

“Sure, sounds like a not-deal. The R-rated cuddle buddy not-deal.” I said. He chuckled at my awful attempt at a joke. I stared straight at him. “You, Racetrack Higgins, have the most beautiful sounding laugh out of anyone I’ve ever met in my entire life.” I said. My eyes were still shut, but he remained quiet. I yawned wide, opening my eyes a little bit. He was red, looking directly at me. “G’night Racer, sweet dreams.” I kissed his forehead sweetly, struggling to keep my eyes open. I collapsed into the pillows, almost asleep before I hit them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed!
> 
> I liked writing Spot's little part it was very sad just how I like it-
> 
> QOTD: Do you like it when fic writers kill off characters?
> 
> My answer: Oh yeah I do- at least for the short ones, can't be killing off my boys when it's 90k. I love reading and writing it even though it physically hurts me. 
> 
> (Ignore my shameless self-promo) If you answered yes to today's QOTD, you should check out my other work 'you promised' where I try killing off a character for the first time :) It broke me and I am extremely proud of it and I feel a little bad putting this here but you do what you gotta do for the hits and kudos.


	14. Snow Day pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It snows :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I have any idea how I want to end this story?
> 
> No.
> 
> Am I having writers block?
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> Am I super confused as to what to do for the next chapters or even how many for there are going to be?
> 
> Yes.
> 
> Hahahaha
> 
> Enjoy~!
> 
> Bruh there is a lil bit of spicy somethin' somethin' in this chapter but I have completely run out of motivation to go and mark it 
> 
> I'm sorry

Fourteen

We woke up the next morning, I only vaguely remembered the second half of our conversations and asked Race to tell me what I’d said. He did, which resulted in me blushing bright red and apologizing profusely for it. He just chuckled, said it wasn’t a big deal. We ate breakfast and he almost jumped up and down with excitement while scrolling through his phone. 

“What?” I asked, smiling softly. He looked fucking adorable, his hair messy, in one of my way-too-big t-shirts, jumping up and down for some unknown reason. 

“Spottie! It’s a snow day!” I glanced out the window, standing up to pull back the curtains. I looked down from our fourth floor view. 

“What the fuck.”

There was at least ten feet of snow. 

I turned to Race again,

“What the fuck!” He was just beaming at me, he pumped his fists in the air, 

“Snow day!” His phone dinged, just a few seconds before mine. Our bosses texted us, saying until we could even get to work we wouldn’t have to work, but it was out of our control so we would still get paid. I looked at Race, pumping a fist in the air with him, 

“Snow day!” He ran up to me, sliding around in his socks. 

“Spottie! We’re gonna have so much fun!” He finished sliding up to me, his hands found my waist and he leaned down, kissing me for a few seconds, he smiled against my lips, pecking them another two times before he continued sliding to the kitchen. I looked out at the living room, my fingers rising to my lips. I was smiling like a fucking idiot, but that was probably the most adorable fucking thing he’d ever done. I turned towards him, dropping my hand but keeping the smile. “What?” he asked, his own smile present. 

“Oh- shut up and kiss me again,” I said when I’d finally closed the space between us. My hands were on either side of his neck and I pulled him down to meet my lips. We kissed each other between smiles. I pulled back, 

“I-” love you. I cut myself off, looking away. “You’re incredible.” I pulled him into a quick hug before I went off to grab the plates from breakfast. I felt worry bubble up in my chest. I couldn’t let that slip- I couldn’t. I can’t just put my feelings out there like that, he’d reject me and I’d have to move out, break off the cuddle buddy and (I blushed at the thought) the R-rated cuddle buddy non-deal. I bit my lip, going to wash the dishes. Maybe halfway through, I felt his arms wrap around my waist. I leaned backwards into him, tilting my head back to look at him. He smirked at me before he planted kisses down my neck, slowly making his way towards my pulse point. “Race- I gotta finish dishes- five minutes?” He paused, only to kiss me another two times, “Please, hon?” He pulled back with a small groan. 

“Fine- you need help?” I shook my head, going back to scrubbing at the egg I’d burnt to the pan this morning. He made his way to stand beside me, grabbing dish soap. “You just gotta let that soak- you aren’t going to get it off without scratching the pan.” He took the pan from me, pouring soap over the stuck egg and setting it on the counter. He grabbed another sponge, helping me to finish the dishes. I pulled out the drain and turned to him, smiling a little bit. “What are we gonna do?” He asked me. I bit my lip a little bit, 

“Well… I’m done with dishes now,” I said, my mind lingering on what he was doing to my neck earlier. He seemed to pick up what I was saying. It started out with soft kisses, slowly leading to something more desperate and we found our way to the couch. He kissed his way down my neck, laying ontop of me. I tilted my head back, letting out uneven breaths as he nibbled at my neck. I blushed as I realized that there was definitely going to be hickies and other marks littering my neck. His hands were on my abs, dipping up further into my shirt. My hands were in his hair, tugging softly when he felt the best to encourage him. “Race- k-keep going-” He started to pull my shirt up over my head when there was a knock at the door. We both froze and panicked as the door was pushed open, I heard shouting, 

“THERE’S SNOW!” 

“He made us bring you cookies.” Blink said. 

Blink and Mush were standing about fifteen feet from us. 

Their eyes landed on us and Race scrambled off of me as I tried to sit up, tugging my shirt down. I pulled it back up, trying to hide the marks on my chest. Mush started nudging Blink, speaking quietly, 

“Told ya’ so-”

“Okay- I agreed with you- we were both right-”

“Uh- we weren’t-” I started, we all looked at each other awkwardly a moment, Mush broke the silence. 

“Sweet hickies- we just wanted to bring you cookies and tell you, since we’re basically stuck in the apartments for the next week, we’re having a sleepover at Jack’s with blanket forts and it’s gonna be sick and you gotta come it’s not an option.” He rambled while handing me a container full of what looked like (minimum) sixty cookies. 

“We’ll be there-” Race started, I cut him off. 

“Why the fuck are there so many cookies- I’m not complaining but, Jesus, man.” Mush looked over at Blink, who was smiling sheepishly. 

“He stress bakes- there were two hundred and eighty cookies in our apartment when I came home yesterday. You guys have a hundred, so did Jack and Dave, we have maybe fifty left?” He shrugged, My eyes widened at the container, 

“You gave us a hundred cookies?”

“I was- uh- I was a little bit more stressed than usual?” Blink scratched the back of his head, I just stared at him, 

“So-! It’s two days from now, meet at Jack’s around sevenish?” I nodded, 

“Yeah- we’ll be there,” I smiled. They nodded and Mush pumped his fist in the air while walking out the door. They closed it behind them and I heard Race let out a relieved sigh. “You alright?”

“They- they walked in on us doing…” He let the sentence trail off, 

“They didn’t seem to care,” I said, my eyebrows furrowed. He responded a little bit snappily, 

“Well I do.” He was shaking a little bit,

“Hey… you alright?” He didn’t respond, just looking off to the side. He spoke up after a moment, 

“I don’t have the best experiences with people walking in on me with another guy…” He mumbled. I took a small step towards him before I stopped,

“Anything I can do for you now?” I asked. 

“Give it a minute… I just need to stop thinking for a little while… think about something else…” He mumbled. I nodded, 

“Touches?” He nodded after a moment's thought. I offered him my hand and we sat on the couch quietly. He leaned into my shoulder, wrapping his open hand around his waist. Maybe five minutes later he let out a small sigh, 

“I’m alright now…” He mumbled, leaning further into me. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah… yeah I’m alright…”

“Wanna talk about it or no?” He thought for a few seconds. 

“I just… I told Blink and Mush I was ace and- and then they walked in on that… I just…” He sighed, “There’s a whole other thing with people walking in on me but- but I was so vulnerable just then… so much could have happened and- and I’m not going to cry now.” He said, the last part almost to himself, in a defiant way. 

“If you’re going to cry, that’s okay.” 

“No! I cry in front of you all the time!” He shouted, “I- I won’t…” He whispered. I reached over, pulling him into a hug. 

“What can I do to make you feel better?” I asked, whispering into his ear. 

“Tell me what to do… what do you do when you’re in love with someone and you’re too scared to tell them?” He asked, “Tell me what to do when you do something with that person that… that’s the most incredible feeling in the world but you feel so fucking guilty for it afterwards… what do you do when you’re so scared you’ll corrupt someone so you don’t even take a chance at it again, that you’re so paranoid you don’t know what to do… just tell me what to do so I know what I’m doing for once.” He whispered. I held him a little closer to me. 

“Race… I don’t know who he is, but I don’t think he’ll leave. You love him because he is sweet, he won’t go anywhere. You can’t blame yourself for Oscar, it wasn’t your fault. You can’t believe you’ll change someone to be like him if you date them.” He was quiet, so I kept talking. “You need a break, alright? We’re gonna get you all taken care of while the snow is here, alright?” He nodded slowly, sniffling into my arm. “Cookies?” He nodded, I grabbed the container. We each tried one and Race made a small noise,

“Why is Blink so good at cooking and baking- it’s not fair.” He said, finishing the cookie. He looked up at me tiredly, “Is it too early to drink?” 

“I ain’t gonna judge ya’, if you do drink, grab me something too.” I said, leaning back on the couch. 

He was drunk about two hours later. 

He was sitting on the couch, giggling and extending his arms out and making grabby hands towards me. I smiled, he was fucking adorable. I hugged him and he wrapped his legs around my waist. I picked him up, he pointed to the bedroom, slurring his words slightly, 

“Cuddles… with Spottie-!” He said, excited, “Oh- Spottie’s so sweet, and he’s all strong and he gives the best hugs, and he’s cute and I wanna kiss his stupid-cute face over and over again, making out with him ‘s so good… makes me feel all fuzzy and junk. I had a couple of dreams with him, know that?” He didn’t wait for an answer, “It was real good- we were kissing and kissing and then I think we had sex except I’m not sure… he never called me a slut, he didn’t hit me or make me have any bruises either. I mean, there were lovebites on my neck but he never slapped me, I- I’ve never had it like that before. I dunno if that’s how it’s supposed to be, but it was real great. Maybe Spot’s just real great.” He was tracing patterns into my back and I was blushing furiously. I set him down on the bed and he pulled me on top of him when I tried to stand up. “I definitely said too much, but I don’t care. Spot’s so great- I wanna know what we could’ve done if Blink and Mush didn’t walk in…” He muttered, “I- I don’t know if I’m ready to have sex again, I just know, if I ever am, you’re the person I want it to be with, my first time that isn’t with… with him.” He said. I didn’t know what to say,

“You mean it?”

“Yeah… you take care of me, you didn’t even hit me when I asked you to, and I trust you more than anyone. You’re gentle but god you can be hot when you want to be, like earlier and like… all the time.” He said, pulling me into him. He rolled over slightly, his face inches from mine. “I wish I could just tell you, y’know?”

“You can tell me anything,” I responded, a little bit concerned. He cupped my cheek, smiling sadly without saying anything. He pressed our foreheads together, closing the little distance between us. 

“This ain’t what I was gonna tell ya’, but you got the most beautiful eyes. I- I mean it, I never understood why people were into the whole blue eyes deal until I met you, they’re just… beautiful.” I could feel his breath on my lips. I didn’t really know what to say, but next thing I knew his lips were on mine. My eyes fluttered closed and he kissed me with something new, a passion I hadn’t seen before. He pulled away just as quick as he’d come in, “I’ll never get used to that, all the fireworks and butterflies.” 

That was something couples said. 

Could Racetrack actually like me back?

No- I was getting my hopes up. 

“Yeah- yeah me either,” 

He pressed another kiss to my lips, this one shorter. He pulled away and looked up at the ceiling, smiling to himself. He turned his head over to me, smiling a little bit wider, 

“Snow day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Sorry for not updating since last Wednesday! I've had work everyday since then and I needed to take a little break from the story to get myself together, so to speak. Thank you for being patient with me!
> 
> QOTD: Are you happy with the story with where it is right now? 
> 
> My answer: It's definitely not my best work, but it's something. I have a few things I would like to fix but I can't right now, I just wish I knew where it was going, but I think there will maybe be another 10-20k works max, I feel like I'm constantly repeating the same ideas each chapter, so I'm gonna start heating things up, it will probably end after they confess to each other and all that good, fluffy junk :)


	15. Late Nights and Early Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Spot and Race are fully rested at two in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow wow wow 
> 
> This story is kinda normal for this one chapter.
> 
> Kinda warning thought: Smut in this chapter- is is marked. You don't have to read all the nitty gritty stuff, but the parts where the talk about it aren't marked. 
> 
> I'm very sorry for the smut part I've never written it before- it was kinda awkward for me? And I didn't really know what I was doing but I'm just gonna post it anyways because I want to put something out before I go to work. 
> 
> Anyways- enjoy~

It was the day after the snowstorm, the day before the sleepover. I was in the living room with Race, setting up a little blanket fort on the carpet. 

And damn- this was the best blanket fort there ever was, there ever is, and there ever will be. 

It was huge, enough room for ten people inside. The old, boxy tv was pulled down from the shelf and sitting opposite the entrance. I sat inside on a few of the pillows we had set up when Race crawled inside, popcorn in hand. I smiled wide at him. He looked at me for a few seconds, 

“We just spent three hours building a blanket fort.” He said. I nodded, 

“We’re children- what did you expect?” I teased. He rolled his eyes, moving to sit beside me. I blushed- he could’ve sat anywhere, the thing was huge, but he was practically in my lap. He laid down, his head in my lap. I looked down at him, playing with his curls. He looked up at me, smiling softly. He took one of my hands from his hair. I almost pulled the other one from his hair, thinking he didn’t want me to touch him. He pressed a tender kiss to my knuckles, looking up at me while doing so. “Oh my god- sit up right now-” I said quickly. He furrowed his eyebrows, concern filling his face as he sat up. 

I quickly filled the spot beside him, pulling one of the bigger pillows under our heads and pulling the blanket over us. I wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him into me like I had a hundred times. I kissed his temple, trailing down to the corner of his mouth. 

“You can’t be that cute and expect me to not cuddle you-” I teased before kissing him quickly. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck, smiling against his skin. 

“You- you can’t just say that- I’m all blushing and shit-” 

“Aw- cute.” I teased. I kissed his neck, finding his pulse point quickly. His heart was racing, “Nervous?” 

“N-no-” He stammered. I sat up a little bit more, looking him in the eyes. I gave him a sweet smile, 

“You’re adorable,” I paused, curious at his reaction. “Beautiful, adorable, hot, pretty, handsome…” I whispered the words, each with a considerable pause. Out of curiosity, I checked his pulse again with another press of the lips. I smiled a bit, pulling back. “You get nervous when you get compliments.” It was more of a statement than I question. He avoided my gaze, “Don’t worry, ‘s cute.” I laid back at his side, eye level with him now. He finally looked at me, I chewed on the inside of my cheek. 

“What’s wrong?” His eyebrows furrowed for a second,

“I- uh-” I looked away, 

“Spottie… what’s up?” He rolled to fully face me. 

“Nothing- you just said something yesterday-”

“What was it?”

“I-uh-” He put his hand over mine comfortingly. I bit my lip before I let the words tumble over my lips. “You said, if you were going to have sex, you’d want it to be with me- as a first time after Oscar and everything- I just- you said you had a dream and… and you said I never hit you, that I was gentle and that I didn’t hurt you and- and I just… I didn’t know if you meant it or not.” I opened my eyes nervously after a moment of silence, 

“I trust you, Spot.” It was a whisper. “I- I don’t know what you think but- but you’re kisses aren’t mean and you always ask if it’s okay… I trust you, Spot.” He said. I smiled a bit, 

“I trust you, too.” I paused, “If you ever wanted to try- I know you said you weren’t ready and that’s okay, but if you ever wanted to try and work at it, see how far you’d be able to get I wouldn’t mind.” I said. He looked up at me, 

“Really?” I nodded, “Spot-” He bit his lip a moment, “Yeah- yeah maybe sometime… sometime soon?” He asked. I nodded, feeling butterflies in my stomach. 

“Yeah- yeah sure,” We looked at each other a moment. We both started leaning in, our lips locking onto one another’s. My eyes fluttered closed and I felt his hands tugging me towards him. He pulled me on top of him, I straddled his waist as I deepened the kiss, my hands in his hair. I noticed him freezing and I pulled back, quickly sliding off him. He frowned a little bit. “Something is wrong.” I stated,

“I’m fine-” He said. There was a beat of silence,

“What’s wrong?” He paused, 

“Do we kiss too much?” He waited a moment before continuing, “Friends don’t normally kiss… we do it all the time, like… multiple times a day..?” 

“If you want to kiss less, then we won’t do it so much, or at all if that’s what you want.” 

“No- I just… I don’t know… is this wrong?” I felt fear growing in the pit of my stomach. 

“I don’t think so… do you?”

“I don’t know…”

“Until… until you’re sure, we can try and do it a little less? Just- just cuddles?” He thought a moment, nodding. 

“Okay… okay, yeah.” He paused. “But- we just talked about having… we just talked about having sex and now we’re restricting kisses… that doesn’t make sense?” 

“It’s learning…” I whispered, “We know how to kiss, at this point it's not learning anymore- it’s because we want to… right? At least- that’s what it is on my part. We are okay with cuddling anybody at this point, but I still hold you at night because it’s hard for me to sleep if you aren’t there beside me.” I admit. He looked at me for a moment, reaching for words.

“Spot… that’s the sweetest thing I’ve… I just wanted somebody to want me,” He took my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles. I smiled a bit, 

“I’m just saying… if we did have sex, then it would be a learning experience, you trying to get used to it again with somebody you trust, right? It’s all what you’re comfortable with. Don’t think about what other people would think- don’t think about that. Think about what you want to do, and what you’re comfortable with.” He thought for a moment. 

“That makes sense…” He whispered.

“Movie?” I asked. He nodded quickly and I put in an old cd, glancing at Race, “Do you only own Disney movies?” I asked, genuinely curious. He rolled his eyes, 

“C’mon- they’re good,” He said. I smiled, shaking my head, 

“Alright- Lion King it is.” I laid back by his side. We’d watched the movie so many times, I could basically recite the entire thing from memory. I sat a little further back than him, I could look at him a little better without him noticing. His eyes lit up with each new scene, popcorn in his lap and a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I didn’t really know what I was doing until I was sitting behind him, legs on either side of him and clinging to his back. I rested my head against the side of his neck, smiling a little to myself. He leaned down towards me, 

“I never woulda thought you to be soft, Conlon.” He whispered. I only let out a breathy chuckle. 

“Only with you,” 

“Wanna abandon the movie?” He asked, 

“Up to you, Racer.” I said. He turned the volume all the way down, turning back to me and cupping my cheek. 

“Could we maybe… maybe try what you offered? The ‘see how far I’m comfortable with’ part?” I thought a moment, 

“Could we uh… maybe do it in the bedroom? If- if it gets to a point past that I don’t know if you’d want to do it in a blanket fort…” He was already crawling towards the entrance. We found ourselves on the bed after a moment. “Hey… do you top or bottom? I never asked-”

“I’ve only ever bottomed,” He said, leaving the ‘I never had a choice in the matter’ part unspoken, he thought for a moment, “What about you?”

“I’ve done both,” I shrugged, “Both are good.” 

“If it gets to that point… could we just do it what would be ‘normal’ for me?” I nodded, 

“Sure thing, darling.” 

\--smut starts--

I cupped his cheek, slowly leaning in to meet his lips. It started out as sweet kisses, moving to open-mouthed, desperate ones. I trailed down his neck, nibbling and sucking as I went along. He gasped as I met his collarbone, sucking what would soon be a dark hickey into his skin. His fingers dug a little bit into my back, I took it as a signal to keep going, doing the same a little bit further down. I lifted my head a little bit, tapping his shirt, 

“May I?” He nodded, arching his back. He sat up a little bit as I took his shirt off, tossing it to the side. I sat back a moment, looking him over. My hands ran up his sides as I continued looking, 

“What is it?” He asked,

“Nothing,” I leaned closer to him, “You’re just beautiful, is all.” I dragged my fingers down his sides lightly, my mouth following not far behind. I bit just a little bit harder at his exposed hip bone, pressing kisses to it afterwards. One of his hands was in my hair, tugging lightly. He muffled a noise he made in a pillow, I lifted my head a little bit, trailing my hand down his chest, down his abs towards the side of his hips. “You can make noises, let me know what you like and what you don’t.” I gave him a smile before returning to his hips, taking my time as I went along them. I pulled the waistband of his shorts down just a tiny bit, giving me better access to the spot I’d been looking for. I nibbled at it, earning a moan from Race from above me. 

“God Spot- please- please that felt so good-” His back was arching, his hands pulling my hair a little bit harder. I lifted my head again, tapping his shorts, 

“May I?” He nodded without hesitation, 

“Yes- yes please-” He said breathlessly. I pulled them off him, tossing them in the same general direction of his shirt. I did a little bit of the same thing as last time, looking him over. I ran my hand from his hip, tracing over the markings I’d left moments ago, down to newly exposed skin. My other hand ran up and down his outer thighs, careful not to touch anything I wasn’t sure would be okay or not with him. He sat up a little bit, “Could I take your shirt off?” He asked slowly. I took a second, realizing I’d been too caught up with him and I was still fully clothed. I gave a nod and he was quickly pulling my shirt over my head, tossing it over by his things. He ran his hands over my chest, making me shudder. His hands were on my sides, just above the seam of my jeans. He tapped them curiously, looking up at me for permission, 

“Yeah- yes-” God- he was so hot. I helped him in taking my jeans off, tossing them again off to the side. I watched as his eyes ran over me, his breath catching in his throat, his gaze pausing at my obviously hard dick. He propped himself up a tiny bit more, running his hand down the seam of my boxers, his hand stopping just before my dick. 

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Y-yeah- are you?” He nodded with little hesitation, his hand continuing. I held back noises at the sudden friction, his hand running over my length. He smirked up at me, 

“You can make noises for me, baby.” His voice was husky, god- it was hot. “Let me know what you like.” He echoed what I’d said earlier and it was about ten times hotter. He was sitting up now, his other hand on my side, his pinkie dipping into my underwear. His hand finally moved again and I let out a small noise, trying to keep it held back. He moved his hand a little quicker unexpectedly, I let out a moan. He tapped my hip bone, “Could we take these off?” I was nodding quickly.

They were tossed off to the side, I was suddenly embarrassed of my body and I didn’t like it. Race didn’t seem to notice, his position drastically changed. He was kneeling infront of me on the floor by the edge of the bed. 

“This is still okay?” I nodded quickly,

“You’re sure?” He gave a quick nod,

“‘Red’ if you want me to stop,” I nodded. He reached up his hand, his fingertips grazing against my tip. I bit my lip, tilting my head back at the touch. I felt his hand running up and down my length, a little cautiously at first until slowly speeding up. I was panting a bit when I felt a sudden warmth over my tip. I looked down to see his head bobbing, letting out another moan. He was almost the entire way down already, his tongue moving over the head each time he lifted off. He took his mouth off teasingly after a moment and I was in such pleasure I didn’t stop the whimper that came out of me. His mouth was back on me after just a few seconds and I couldn’t have been more grateful. My hands were in his hair, tugging at it gently when he did something that felt good. I felt something building quickly in the pit of my stomach, 

“Race- Race I’m going to come,” I said between breaths. He didn’t pull off, “R-Race I’m gonna-” My hips bucked up twice quickly as he sucked my dick while I came. I panted as he continued through my orgasm, pulling off with a pop after a few seconds and swallowing. I was panting, my eyes closed as I tilted my head back. I looked at him as he stood up, sitting beside me, 

“That was okay?” I nodded too quick,

“God- that was fantastic-” I ran my fingers through my hair, looking at him, “That was okay for you? You’re alright?” He nodded, 

“Yeah- I’m good,” He gave me a soft, sweet smile. 

“Do you want me to..?” He thought a moment,

“If- if you’re comfortable with just hands… I- I don’t want what I just did quite yet…” He mumbled. I nodded, 

“Yeah- yeah that’s okay,” I said, adjusting a bit so I could easily jack him off. He took off his briefs, slipping them off onto the carpet. 

God- I didn’t really expect him to be this big.

He blushed a bit, noticing my stare. 

“Y-yeah- sorry…”

“What are you apologizing for?” I asked, curious.

“I- I don’t know- sorry-”

“No more apologies,” I kissed his cheek, my hand on his bare hip, my thumb rubbing circles into his skin. I slowly moved my hand towards his length, starting a little bit slower then going quicker. Soon, he was whimpering, speaking between breaths, 

“I’m gonna- Spot I’m gonna-” He was coming, talking quickly as he did so, “Vai avanti, Dio, per favore, ti senti così bene, non fermarti- Spot, amo che non ti fermi-” He cut himself off, breathing a bit heavier and noticing my stare. “I- I mean- keep going god please that feels so good don't stop- Spot- don't stop,” He was just as breathless as before, still coming down from his orgasm. 

“Say that again.” His eyebrows knit for a second, 

“Keep going, please- that feels so good-” I cut him off,

“No- no the thing before that.”

“But… why?” 

“Just say it,” He thought for a moment, remembering what he’d said,

“Vai avanti, Dio, per favore, ti senti così bene, non fermarti- Spot, amo che non ti fermi..?” I took my other hand (not covered in anything) and cupped his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss. I pulled back just a little bit,

“You’re gorgeous- I swear to god I didn’t think you could get any better and then you just break out in a different language- god that was so hot I didn’t even think a language could be hot- what was that?” He was frozen a bit,

“That was italian, I- I speak italian.” He said. I nodded,

“Do it more- please, god- that was gorgeous.” I whispered. He nodded, standing up after a few seconds. 

“We- we gotta wash up, and wash the sheets.” I nodded, 

“Wanna crash in the blanket fort afterwards?” I smirked,

“Oh my god- can we??” His eyes lit up, I nodded, smiling wide. 

\--smut end--

We’d both showered and the sheets were being washed, we were laying next to each other in the blanket fort. I absentmindedly played with his hair, thinking about earlier.

“Whatcha thinkin?” Race asked, voice tired.

“Nothin, just earlier, I think.” He nodded,

“Was it alright?”

“Yeah- it was good.” I whispered. “It’s okay with you- you’re okay?”

“Mhm, you?”

“Yeah.” We sat quietly for a bit.

“I don’t want to be friends with benefits.” I admit, voice barely a whisper. 

“Then we aren’t.” He said, “Cause I don’t wanna be either.” I felt my heartrate pick up- he didn’t mean it like that.

“Okay… yeah, okay.” I thought for a bit. “In Italian- what did you say then?” He thought,

“Just like… oh god- please, keep going, stuff like that.” He shrugged. 

“It was… beautiful.” I whispered, breathless. He was unusually quiet.

“He told me it was gross… that’s why I cut myself off… he said I wasn’t supposed to talk- especially if he couldn’t understand what it was… I just… I didn’t think you’d like it.” I pulled him closer to me, laying down more so I was eye-level with him. 

“Race- it was beautiful- I’d listen to you talk in Italian all day if I could.” 

“You mean it?” 

“Every word.” 

“I- I could do it sometimes..?”

“That’d be perfect,” I smiled, snuggling a bit more into his side. 

I woke up in the middle of the night, still cuddling up right next to him. I smiled a bit and closed my eyes again, thinking about earlier.

Was what we did wrong? He doesn’t know I like him- that had to have been wrong… right? 

But I asked him… he said it was okay.

I don’t know.

He stirred a little bit beside me, meeting my gaze and giving me a grin. 

“Hey, Spottie.”

“Hi Racer.” We looked at each other for a few seconds before he started peppering kisses over my entire face, from the tip of my nose up to my temple, then down to the corner of my lips and along my jawline. I started giggling, my hands on either side of his neck, “Race- Race,” He pulled back, eyes flooded with concern, “I-” love you.

Shit- that’s the second time. 

“You okay?” I asked, unsure of what else to say and still worried about earlier.

“Yeah… why?” 

“I dunno… what time is it?” He rolled over, checking his phone.

“Two in the morning-” He thought for a second. “We passed out here at like five.” He remembered. I nodded, 

“Yeah… What do you wanna do?” He smiled up at me,

“Anything as long as you’re there, darling.” I felt heat rise to my cheeks,

“W-what?” He cupped my cheek, looking down at my lips,

“May I kiss you?” He asked. I nodded without any words, meeting him halfway and our lips met in a sweet, slow kiss. My hand was on his waist, my other on his shoulder. I pulled back after a few moments, pressing our foreheads together. Suddenly, he shot upright, his eyes wide.

“Stars.” He said breathlessly. I sat up just the same as he was and we bolted out the entrance, grabbing one of the few blankets we didn’t use in the fort and going to set it out on the fire escape. We put on a few layers and went outside. I laid down on the blanket, patting the spot next to me. We laid back, looking up at the night sky. I heard him gasp lightly, the sky was gorgeous, sprinkled with stars and the moon was full, lighting everything around us like the sun would. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, it was beautiful. I looked over at him, each and every star reflecting in his eyes. 

“Remember..?” He met my gaze as I spoke, “We made the cuddle buddy deal on this fire escape- the sky was like this… remember?” He nodded, 

“I remember you looked really pretty, and your sweatshirt smelled really good.” He blushed. I smiled over at him before I closed the space between us, making an excuse that it was cold as I held onto him, wrapping the blanket around us. I closed my eyes, shivering a little bit. He wrapped his arms tighter around me, “Are you cold, amore?” My eyes flew open, 

“A-amore?” I tried the word slowly, he blushed red enough I could see in the dim light. 

“It slipped-”

“What’s it mean?” I asked, curious and tired. 

“It- it means a few things… affection, fondness, desire, dear, love…” He said. I smile, my heart beating a bit faster. 

“Amore,” I echoed. He just looked at me for a few seconds, his eyes changing from all bright and beautiful to something a bit more sad in mere seconds. 

“Are you cold?” He’d looked away, back up at the sky,

“A little, I’m alright.”

“We can go in, if you are.” 

“It’s pretty, though.”

“We could just sit in the windowsill,” He said. I thought for a moment. 

“I’d rather be out here with you, the stars reflect in your eyes better.” I said. He rubbed my shoulder, holding me close to him. We sat quietly for a while. “I’m really glad it isn’t weird after earlier.” I mumbled,

“Me too… yeah, me too.”

We went inside maybe thirty minutes later, diving under the freshly washed sheets, warm from the dryer. Our arms were wrapped tightly around each other, our layers tossed to the side. Most of our clothes we’d worn were damn from all of the dew, our bare skin was pressed up against the others. I shivered against his body, clinging to him for warmth. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, 

“Fine- I just get cold way too easy.” He pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around my back. He kissed my forehead softly, his lips warm against my cool skin. I shivered more at the sudden contact, but it died down quickly. I started laughing, dissolving into a fit of giggles. I heard him trying to suppress laughter beside me, “How did I get here? I just went stargazing with you- I’ve kissed you for almost a year and I’m so, so happy… because you thought I was hot, told Davey you had to pee just so you could shout at me while it was pouring.” I smiled, speaking through giggles. “I couldn’t be happier,” 

“Me either, mi amore.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he’d said, I mean- he already told me half of it, 

My love.

My heart fluttered, and I was warm enough that I’d stopped shivering. Still, we were just as close. We laid awake, already having gotten enough sleep to go back for more. I just enjoyed laying by his side. 

“Race-!” I shouted his name with a sudden realization, “We can watch the sun rise!” I said. He gasped, checking the time. 

“It’s in like- ten minutes!” He shot out of bed, I felt empty without him by my side but I was too excited to worry about it now. I jumped out of bed, grabbing clothes to put on. I ended up in a pair of sweatpants and one of his sweatshirts. We raced up to the roof, sitting high above all the other buildings. We sat near the edge, only a few feet back. I could see the sky starting to turn a lighter color, he was sitting by my side. I moved closer to him, interlocking our hands. I kissed his cheek for a second, resting my head on his shoulder. We sat quietly, watching the sun start to poke up over the rest of the city. I turned to him, taking my eyes away from the sky. He has a soft smile on his face, his eyes half-closed, he just looked so… soft and pretty. 

“I haven’t tried your pasta yet,” I whispered.

What?

That was so not what I meant to say.

He let out a small chuckle. 

“I’ll find time, maybe in the next month or so?” I nodded,

“You promised me you’d make it- I’m holding you to that.” I teased, looking back at the sky. 

“It’ll be the best damn pasta you’ve ever had.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> As I warned in the past few chapters, updates are slowing down because I don't have as much time to write with my job and everything, but I'm doing my best to put out chapters. We're at the point now where I only have another chapter finished and ready to post, then it's just blank word document, so they'll be posted as I finish them rather than on a schedule. 
> 
> QOTD: I have no idea if I've already asked this, but when you read fics, do you see the musical or 92 actors? Like when you picture it and all that fun stuff?
> 
> My answer: Like ninety percent of the time I see the 92 guys, mostly because I can literally recite the movie from memory and (thanks to the fact I can't sit through an entire movie) I've yet to finish the musical. Don't come at me but I think that all the 92 guys are way way too cute- like Spot Conlon in 92? yes please more please- 
> 
> god is that tmi I don't know. 
> 
> seriously though look at Christian Bale in 1992 I would faint- and David? Race and Mush and Blink- I have a problem and I'm sorry but just look at them-
> 
> Anyways- ignore my fangirling over men who are now much older than me- have a fantastic day and stay safe!


	16. Sleepovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the snowstorm sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't uploaded for almost a week
> 
> :)
> 
> I think I'm going to finish writing the story today? It's currently at 46k words, the most it'll go is 50k  
> These chapters are a bit shorter than the first fifteen, sorry about that :(
> 
> I might upload again later because it's short, if not it'll be posted tomorrow!
> 
> Anyways, Enjoy!

Later that day, we went to the sleepover at Jack’s. Race leaned over to me,

“Our blanket fort was better.” He whispered. I nodded, smirking. Jack looked up at us from the blanket fort- it was honestly still impressive, divided into three parts for each of us with a big meeting area in the center, but I wouldn’t say that to anybody.

“What are you two sharin’ secrets about? Get in here!” He waved us in, opening up the entrance. We crawled in, joining the small circle with everyone inside. Blink cheered, Mush beamed at us, the two of them already half-drunk. Davey leaned into Jack as he sat down, crawling into his lap and kissing him quickly. When he got drunk, he was a lot more touchy and more affectionate. 

“You’re just in time for-” Mush turned to Blink, “What’s it called?” He asked quieter,

“Never have I ever,” Blink murmured. 

“Just in time for never have I ever!” Mush echoed, handing us each glasses. “You take a sip every time you did the thing, m’kay?” He said. I nodded, looking over at Race as they filled our cups with some liquid. 

The game started out with normal questions, we found out a couple things about everyone before we started spiraling, before we were totally plastered. Mush had never been on a rollercoaster, Jack had never once missed a high five, Davey had never sat down on a public toilet, Blink had never played candy crush, Race never had a cat, and me? 

“What do you mean you’ve never watched The Office?” Mush asked, half-yelling. Each and every one of them took a drink, “That’s such a lie! You had to have!” He argued, 

“He wasn’t there when we watched almost every episode in like… four days, was he?” Jack asked,

“Nah- he was moving in with Race that week.” Blink said. 

The debate over whether or not I’ve watched the show continued for a few more minutes until everyone decided that it was impossible to find out, and moved on. 

The questions started going sideways from there.

That’s how I found myself in the situation of “I’ve never sucked Spot Conlon’s dick.”

Thanks, Mush. 

I looked over at Race, chewing on the inside of my cheek. He tried to discreetly take a drink,

“Woah- woah-!” Mush shouted. I shot him a mostly playful glare, he was staring at Race, eyes wide, “When??” Race looked at the ground sheepishly, a blush spreading over his cheeks. 

“Yesterday…” He mumbled. Blink and Jack started laughing, Davey just looked confused. Mush looked over at me, 

“Well- how was it??” I flushed red, 

“You gotta tell the truth, Spot. No lying in this fort.” Jack teased. I glared at Mush.

“It was good,” I said slowly, Mush smiled wide, 

“How big was he?” Race almost spat out his drink. 

“Nope,” I said flatly. Race shook his head, wiping his mouth. He moved closer to me, laying his head in my lap. Everyone stared at us, 

“Are you two..?” Blink asked slowly, I felt heat rise to my face. I could see Race look over at me, 

“N-no-” I stammered, “Not-” Not yet. 

“Really?” David said, 

“Y-yeah,” Race whispered. I wasn’t sure what to say, but I owe Jack another favor for what he did.

“Alright! Movie time?” He asked. Mush and Blink cheered, Dave continued looking just as confused. We started watching some animated thing, I pressed a kiss to Race’s forehead about halfway in, 

“You alright?” I whispered. He gave a small nod, 

“Just… surprised. I figured they would find out at some point, just not… this soon.” He mumbled. 

“I know… it’s alright though, right? Nobody had a bad reaction just… a bit personal, right?” I rubbed his shoulder. He nodded,

“Yeah… it’s fine.” I kissed his temple, 

“I’m proud of you,” I whispered. He looked over at me,

“Why..?”

“Look how far you’ve come, you’re doing so good. You opened up to me, you’re comfortable with being touched and you’re happier, which is so, so important.” I smiled, “You’re doing really good, Race.” I whispered. He smiled up at me, his eyes shiny. 

“Aw- you don’t gotta give me so much credit, wouldn’t have been able to do it without you,” He nudged my side,

“You still did it, you wanted to do it and you put your mind to it, you got it done.” I smiled, whispering into his ear. “You’re doin’ good, Racer.” He smiled,

“Thanks, Spottie, I guess I ain’t doin’ that bad, huh?” He smiled. I smiled right back at him. I felt a small tap on my shoulder, looking around to see Blink, I expected him to tell us to shut up. 

“Could I talk to you?” He whispered. I nodded, concern growing in my chest. I whispered a small explanation to Race and met Blink in the kitchen, a good distance from the fort. 

“What’s up?” He was tapping his hands nervously. 

“You know how Mush said I stress bake?” I nodded, remembering, “I- uh- I was nervous because… we’ve been dating for… holy shit- seven years? We’re twenty three… yeah, since we were sixteen. I… uh…” He chewed on his lip, his voice lowering even from it’s already quiet volume, “I was thinking maybe I should… y’know… propose and all… I was thinking about doing it the other day, the first day it snowed. I got nervous because, yeah- you’d get why I’d be nervous… we were gonna go to a fancy dinner and I was gonna ask but then the snow storm happened. It’s fine- it’s just that… it’s all I can think about now.” He looked over at me, “What if he says no, or what if I ask at the wrong time?” I took a small step to close the distance between us, pulling him into a reassuring hug.

“Mush Meyers would be an idiot to say no to you, Blink. You know he’ll say yes- he loves you more than anything in the world, okay?” He nodded, his chin touching down into my hair. 

“It’s all I can think about… I want to do it all the time… Could you imagine it? Him being my husband?” He whispered. 

“He’ll say yes, Blink. I know he will.” I smiled, pulling back from the hug. “Do you know when you’ll do it?” I asked,

“Probably within the next few months,” He said. I nodded, 

“You wanna go back to the fort?” He nodded. We started to walk back but he gently grabbed my shoulder,

“Spot- um… thank you. I needed to get that off my chest and you’re the one person I know will keep your mouth shut about it.”

“No problem- if you need anything else, we’re always across the hall.” I smiled before crawling back into the fort, returning to Race’s side. 

“What’d Blink need?” He asked quietly, 

“Nothin’, just asking how the cookies were.” I kissed his forehead before melting back into his side, more tired than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Sooo now we know why Blink was stress baking- absolutely adorable-
> 
> I'm most definitely going to be posting both the Javid and Blush proposal :) (Idk if this is a spoiler but they'll both be in chapter nineteen- literally the entire thing is just the two proposals!!)
> 
> QOTD: If you had to choose a favorite moment in this whole little thing, what would it be?
> 
> My answer: Hmmm- Give me a moment to skim some of my chapters here~   
> Alright- probably Race's whole breakdown in chapter twelve- I'm a sucker for angst- or when Spot first realized he liked Race, when it was the whole 'what do you like' and the only coherent thought in his head was 'you' because ajskdthk that was adorableee 
> 
> After I finish up this story, I'm going to take a littttle tiny break- on Friday, I leave to go on vacation for two weeks, so I don't know how often I'll be posting? I'll definitely be writing. I'll probably post some one shots, but I have an idea for another longer story, probably just as long if not longer than this one, but I'm going to totally finish writing it before I post any of it so I won't have to worry about getting stuff done on time or it being to late to go back and change a part. 
> 
> Anyways~
> 
> Have a good day and stay safe!


	17. He's Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally try going to a bar again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter? Yes. 
> 
> A cliffhanger? Also yes. 
> 
> Ahaha
> 
> I just got inside from standing in the rain for twenty minutes and I 11/10 recommend it
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The snowstorm had cleared up, as we knew it would. It was still a little sad after a week and a half of time off, just being stupid and hanging out with each other, to go back to work. It got into the same routine of only really seeing each other on Fridays for a while. Everything was going perfectly, except the whole ‘work’ part. I mean- nothing was wrong, but work just sucks in general. 

We met up on Friday, watching a documentary (it was Davey’s turn to choose something and he insisted we watch this one). It finished after what felt like a few minutes. 

“We should meet up tomorrow night,” I said, stretching over the back of the couch. Mush turned to me,

“Yeah! There’s this new restaurant bar thing around the corner- wanna try it?” I glanced over at Race, seeing for any reaction after the bar incident, he noticed my gaze and spoke up,

“Sounds good to me, you guys down?” A few nods from the different people in the room. 

“Alright- mystery bar restaurant it is.” I smirked. 

We went back to our room after another hour, collapsing onto our bed. I breathed in his pillow, taking in the smell. He fell next to me, smiling softly over at me.

“You’re sure you’re okay with the bar?” I asked cautiously. He nodded,

“Yeah- just… don’t punch anyone this time?” He half-joked. I gave a small chuckle,

“No promises-” I teased, “Serious though- I won’t punch anyone unless… like… I get punched- or you get punched- or anyone with us gets punched-”

“Self defense, or defending like… an elderly or pregnant woman.” He added. I smiled,

“Promise- won’t punch anyone except for all of those things.” I smirked. 

“I’m gonna make… waffles with cool whip and strawberries tomorrow.” He said after a moment thought. I made a small noise, 

“I love your food, Race…” I mumbled, 

“I swear- that’s the only reason you live here.” He teased. 

“You still owe me some pasta-” I teased,

“Oh c’mon- you’d die if I didn’t cook for you, or just live off instant ramen, somehow burning it.” 

“It isn’t that awful burnt-”

“I was joking- hold on-” He sat up a little bit, “You’ve burnt ramen?” 

“I can burn everything with enough determination.” I winked. 

“You’d die if I weren’t here.” He repeated.

As promised, I woke up to the smell of waffles and fresh strawberries. I walked out to two plates of the stuff, along with powdered sugar. My mouth was watering at the sight of it- I was a goner for sweet stuff, even though Race didn’t know it yet. I poured milk for the both of us, setting the cups in front of each of our plates. I walked up to the waffle iron, hugging Race from behind as I’d done every morning before. 

“Morning, Spottie.” He didn’t jump so much anymore, I think he got used to it after over a year. 

“Looks good,” I lifted my head from his neck, looking over his shoulder. I smirked, he was making tiny waffles. I chuckled, planting a kiss on his neck. “You’re an idiot, know that?” He turned to look at me, 

“You love it~” He teased, turning back to his waffles. He emptied them out into a bowl, a bunch of little waffle squares. He sat it off to the side for a moment, “Mush wanted to try waffle cereal.” He shrugged,

“Oh my god- of course he did.” I shook my head as he unplugged the waffle iron, sliding it to the back of the counter. We sat down to eat. I took a bite, almost letting out a moan. “Race- I love your cooking with all of my heart,” I mumbled, taking another bite quickly. “You traded your soul for culinary skills- I know it.” I took another bite. He chuckled,

“Only took a few minutes, you like it?” I nodded vigorously, finishing the rest of it within the next few minutes with few words between us. I washed the dishes, about halfway done when I felt his arms around my waist. 

“You alright?” I asked, feeling his chin on top of my head. 

“I dunno, I can’t complain, I guess.” He said. “I just… I feel like something bad is going to happen… and you looked warm…” I turned off the water, turning around in his embrace after drying my hands on my sweatpants. I looked up at him,

“You want cuddles?” I asked, knowing the answer even before he nodded. I took his hand and led him to the couch, flipping out the foot part (Hi- it’s the author- totally blanking on the word here but it’s the lower half of the couch that flips up 90 degrees and you prop your feet up on it?) and laying down, opening my arms up to him. He snuggled into me, sighing into my side. “You think you’ll be alright to go out tonight?” I asked, 

“Yeah… I just… need a little bit of time, is all.” He mumbled. “I’ll get better- just gotta trick my brain.” 

“Trick your brain?”

“Tell myself it’ll be fine- that everything is fine and nothing is going to go wrong.” He explained,

“How do you do that?” His cheeks grew pink, 

“I normally just sit somewhere with you…” He whispered. I smiled, rubbing circles into his back. 

“I’ll be here as long as you need, Racer. If you aren’t feeling up to going out tonight, I wouldn’t care if we stayed in.” I buried my nose into his hair. 

“I’ll be okay by then, probably.”

We sat at the restaurant/bar near our apartments, just being idiots in a booth. I was a little bit tipsy, I mean, we all were with the exception of Jack, who was our driver for the night. I looked over at Race, he was laughing and he turned to me, grinning. His gaze shifted over my shoulder and the color drained from his face. He froze. He just blinked, staring over my shoulder. I turned around, I saw somebody standing a good ten feet behind our table, but he turned away from us before I could see his face. Race started tapping my leg quickly. 

“Bathroom- now.” Was all he could say. We slid out, I gave a small explanation to the group, they didn’t notice Race’s change. He grabbed my hand and took me to the bathroom quickly. He leaned against the back of the door, closing it quickly as soon as I was inside, 

“Race-” He cut me off, 

“He’s here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))) I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day!
> 
> QOTD: This is kind of a funky question but: Who do you think is at the bar? (I wanna know what your theories areee)
> 
> I hope you lovelies have a fantastic day and are staying safe!


	18. Done with Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pt. 2 of the boys going out to the bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha~
> 
> Three more chapters and it's over-
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this one!

“What?”

“Spot, he’s here.”

“Who is-” I cut myself off, feeling a mixture of fear for Race and anger boiling up inside me as a thoguht crossed my mind, 

“Oscar. He’s here.” 

“He’s… here… Race- what do you want to do?” 

“I- I don’t know. He doesn’t know we’re here yet… he might not notice us, we could have a good time and all. I- I don’t know…” He paused, his phone buzzing in his pocket. We both held our breath- what if Oscar texted him? He let out his breath as he opened his phone, “It’s Jack- he sees Oscar.” He paused, reading more of the text. “He said to meet them outside when we’re ready- we’re gonna go across the street.” He paused, “He’s typing,” Another short pause, “He’s going towards the bathro-” Race stumbled forwards slightly as the door opened behind him. I took a step forward, seeing Oscar standing in the doorway. He was smiling at somebody behind him, the door shut, the noise from the dining area cut off to a murmur and he turned towards us. His eyes went to Race first. 

“Oh, hey, Racer.” I saw Race wince,

“Hi, Oscar.” He responded. He looked at him for another moment before his eyes landed on me, 

“Conlon?” He said after a moment, squinting a bit. 

“Delancy.” I said coldly. 

“So… uh-” He looked around, unsure. “Yeah- um…” He noticed my glare and let out a small sigh. “He told you, then?” He asked. I didn’t respond with anything, Race half-hiding behind me. “I- uh…” He paused, “I don’t know what to do here, Race, if you ever wanted to get back togeth-”

“No.” Race said firmly, 

“Okay- are… are you two toge-”

“Oscar, please move so we can leave.” Race’s voice was cold and stern, something I’d never really heard before. 

“Yeah, alright.” He stepped to the side. As we were walking out, he grabbed Race’s wrist. Race gave a small shout, pulling away like he’d been burnt. Race looked at him, fire in his eyes. 

“You don’t get to fucking touch me again, bastard.” He hissed. Thankfully, nobody in the dining area had turned to us. I saw Mush and Blink up against one of the walls, looking out for us. 

“Race-” Oscar’s voice was picking up a little bit of anger, “You are-”

“No- you don’t get to fucking tell me what I am anymore. You had control over me for five years. I’m never going to get that time back. You almost killed me, you don’t get to fucking tell me what I am or that I belong to you ever again. You tortured me for so, so long- I’m not going to hear another word from you.” He turned around, ready to leave. He turned back to him, leaning in a little closer. “Oh- and if you ever try to contact me again, if my friends don’t get to you first, I’ll fucking kill you myself.” He hissed. He leaned back, giving Oscar another glare and, without a goodbye, walked off. I followed behind him. We left, Mush and Blink following close behind us. Race only spoke again once we were outside. 

“Uh- Spot, Jack? Could I… could I talk to you a second outside before we go?” He asked. I nodded, looking at Jack. He nodded towards a little alleyway, we walked in and as soon as we rounded the corner Race started talking. “I’m so confused- that felt really good, telling him off. It was closure, right? A final little… I dunno, a final goodbye? I didn’t mean to tell him I would hurt him- I don’t want to hurt anyone-” Jack opened his arms and Race melted into them for a hug. He stared at me over Jack’s bicep, his eyebrows furrowed but his eyes dry. “I don’t want to hurt anyone…”

“I- I’m not sure what you said, Race…” Jack whispered. 

“What you said was fine, Race.” I spoke up, “We all know you don’t want to hurt anyone, but it was alright to say you would in that situation. Race- he’s not going to contact you after that, I know he won’t. Jesus- I’d have been terrified if you’d said that to me. You said what you had to, you won’t have to worry about him again.” 

“Shouldn’t… Shouldn’t I be crying?” He asked, confused. 

“Well… he doesn’t control you anymore, right?” Jack said, “He doesn’t have any control over you life anymore,” I picked up what he was saying, 

“Don’t feel like you have to cry over him anymore, you’re done with that sick fuck.” I took a little step closer and Jack opened up his arm for me to hug Race. He curled up slightly into our chests, Jack’s arm wrapping around my back. Race smiled a bit. 

“I’m done with him.” He said, a confident smile on his face. 

We got home, all of us at Jack’s. Everyone collectively decided that we were going to do some mix between a dogpile and a huge cuddle heap. I was stuck between Race and Mush, each of us laid out between two air mattresses. Blink was on one end, up against Mush, then me and Race, Davey was pressed against Race and Jack was on the other end. I smiled a bit, it was stupid but I was happy. Race looked over at me before suddenly kissing my cheek. I blushed hard, finding his hand and interlocking our fingers. I heard Mush talking quietly, only heard by me over the tv. 

“You guys are stupidly cute, just sayin’.” He said. I bit back a smirk,

“He don’t think of me like that, Mush.” He was quiet for a few seconds. 

“Whatever you say, Conlon.” He rested his head back on the pillow, I felt his breath even out. I wrapped my arm a little tighter around Race, him resting his head on my chest. His eyes were closed, I think he was almost asleep. I closed my own eyes, glad that nothing else happened in the bar. 

I woke up in the middle of the night to Race shaking, trying to push my arm off him. I sat up, moving a bit out of his way. He tried to push himself away from everybody, but it was difficult with our pile. I shook Davey awake quickly and he bolted upright,

“What’s wrong?” He whispered quickly, eyes landing on Race. 

“I’ll tell you in a minute- help me get him somewhere away from everybody- he’s gonna start shaking in a minute.” Davey nodded, looking around. He woke up Jack, getting him to sit on the couch while we moved Race to the middle of the now empty mattress. He kicked blankets before he started shaking. I chewed my nails as I watched. Jack spoke quietly,

“Do you know how long he’s been doing this?” He asked,

“I- I think he said since everything with Oscar.” 

“He told me they stopped…” He whispered. 

“He didn’t want to worry you, he had them everyday for a week before he finally broke down and told me- he hadn’t slept for three days…” I rubbed my eyes, “He’ll be okay… I usually just talk him through it. He can’t move or talk- I just talk to him for ten, twenty minutes until he’s okay. Then we just go back to sleep.” 

“How many times have you done that?” I thought for a moment, 

“Maybe… twenty-ish? Something usually triggers it. It was probably seeing Oscar today, brought up a bunch of stuff he doesn’t want to think about.” I turned back to him, my eyebrows furrowing as he spoke in his sleep, stopped shaking for a moment. I’d heard him do it every time, but it didn’t get any less painful.

“No- not tonight. Oscar… I- I said no-” Quiet whimpers filled the room, “Hey- what are you doing..?” I looked away, squeezing my hands together. His soft voice faded out, his body taken over by shaking again. I looked over at Davey and Jack, 

“He’s a little out of it when he wakes up, thought I’d let you know. He’s a little… just… out of it.” I didn’t know how to explain it. 

“Can we wake him up yet? He doesn’t… he doesn’t look like he’s doing good…” Davey’s voice was flooded with concern. 

“Once he stops shaking, I’ll wake him up.” I said, 

“What can we do to help? Should we lay by him or does he just like it to be you?” I thought a moment, 

“I think the less people there are, the better. Maybe just sit over here and wait it out? Make sure Mush and Blink stay quiet if they wake up- he doesn’t like loud noises.” I said, running my hands through my hair. I stood up to grab him a glass of water for when he wakes up, setting it on the coffee table. I saw his shaking was starting to die down. I gave a little wave to Jack and Davey, they moved a little bit out of his range of vision and I sat down next to him, waking him up gently.

“Racer, you there?” I whispered. His eyes were open quickly, beads of sweat running down his forehead. “Hey… you’re okay, it’s Spot, we’re in Jack and Dave’s living room, alright? We’re here for you, we’ll get you through this again, m’kay?” He blinked once. “Could I touch your left hand?” One blink. I reached out for it, pulling it into my lap and rubbing circles into the back of it. I smiled at him, “You want talking?” One blink. I spoke in a gentle, quiet voice as I rubbed circles into his strained muscles, “I know today was a little hard, it was really hard for you, we’re here for you through it, okay? We’re not going to think about today right now, though, we’re gonna get you through this in a few minutes, alright? You’ll be okay in just a little while, just focus on me for right now, I know you can do that.” I held his hand, running my thumb over his knuckles as I got almost his entire arm loosened up. I heard Mush start to stir from behind me, but Jack quickly told him to quiet down through a few hand motions. I pressed a kiss to his hand, “You’re doing so good for me, hon’, you’re being so, so brave right now, know that?” I was nearly finished with his other arm, moving now to his shoulders. 

“Thank you for trusting me here, Racer, I know I can get you though this if you trust me, I’ll take care of you, alright? You’re so brave, trusting me like this. You’re doing so good, it doesn’t matter how long it takes, it just matters that you’re okay.” I moved down to his calves, rubbing circles into them. I pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles, unsure what to say next. “You’ve done so much for me, know that?” I paused, “You’ve changed me so much, for the better, I don’t know who I’d be right now if it weren’t for you. You’re sweet and generous, you know me so well. I don’t have to tell you what’s wrong, you just know, and you take care of me, and,” I chuckled, “and you make fantastic breakfast.” I moved up to just below his knee, careful not to touch anywhere he wouldn’t want me to. “I never thank you enough for it, not just the breakfast, for everything, for yelling at me on the street that day, I don’t know if I ever thanked you for it, but you saved me.” I was quiet a few moments when I heard him take a gasping breath, sitting up straight, grabbing at his chest as he sucked in air. I rubbed his back, 

“Hey- hey, it’s okay, just breathe, you got this.” I murmured into his ear. Over maybe two minutes, he was breathing evenly. He pulled me into a tight hug, 

“Thank you,” He said, “Thank you so much.” I rubbed his back, 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’ll manage, you got a drink?” I pulled away from the hug, leaning over to grab it from the coffee table infront of Davey and Jack. Race’s gaze followed my hand, looking at Davey and Jack. He froze, eyes wide as he looked around. Everyone was sitting awake. “You weren’t supposed to see that. Oh god- I’m so sorry-” He started, 

“Race, it’s fine.” Blink said comfortingly, 

“We just… are you sure you’ll manage? That looked super scary.” Race blushed a bit, 

“Spot helps out a lot… don’t know what I’d do without him,” He elbowed my side as I handed him the water. I blushed, 

“It’s no big deal…” I mumbled, 

“I really am sorry, though. I didn’t think it’d happen tonight… I haven’t had one for… two months?” I nodded when he looked over at me to confirm, “That one was pretty short, though.” He smiled. 

“Do you think you’ll have more?” Davey asked,

“Not tonight, I’ve only ever had one a night. I’ll probably have another one at some point, but I think I’m moving forwards after like… three and a half years?” He gave a sad chuckle, “I’ll be fine, they’re scary but Spot takes care of me.” He said, nodding his head towards me. I scratched the back of my neck, blushing. 

“Does he always say that kinda stuff to you to get you calmed down?” Jack asked, I could see the curiosity dancing in his eyes even in the low light. Race’s blush was spread down to his chest now. 

“Yeah, just sweet things for me to focus, he rambles a lot, I think a lot about the parts I remember well.” He said, “Can we just all cuddle again? I’m cold.” He said quietly. I laid beside him, everyone going back to their spots from before. I smiled a bit, wrapping my arms around his waist a little tighter and smiling against the back of his neck. I took in his smell, whispering into his ear, 

“Sweet dreams, Racetrack.” He shuddered,

“Goodnight, Spottie, sweet dreams to you too.” He put his hand over mine, pressing a quick kiss to it. I smiled, drifting off to sleep quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> A lot of you guys were right about it being Oscar and I was so excited to post this so I can finally respond to the comments-
> 
> QOTD: Do you write fanfiction?
> 
> My answer: Yes, obviously.
> 
> Seriously though if you do comment I wanna read your guys' stuff.
> 
> I hope you lovelies have a fabulous day and are staying safe out there!


	19. Proposals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as the chapter says-
> 
> for once we focus on Javid and Blush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We need some fluffy junk after the past nineteen chapters
> 
> Two more chapters~! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

(POV- Jack Kelly)

I was sitting across from Davey in a fancy restaurant, the velvet box in my pocket feeling like it was a thousand pounds. I felt awful. Davey was mad at me- not mad but, y’know- I’d been late to our dinner. I didn’t mean to be, one thing just led to another and I ended up twenty minutes late. We ate our dinner in relative quiet, a tension hanging over us. He paid before I could object and was walking out of the restaurant. I took off after him,

“Dave- wait a minute-” I called, he spun around, his arms swinging out to his sides in exasperation. 

“What, Jack? We haven’t been able to go and do something nice for months- I just wanted to do something nice with you! I worked my ass off at work so I could take the day off and get ready and take a break- the least you could do is show up on time, or at least tell me why you were late!” I froze. 

I was late because I’d wanted to propose and I couldn’t find where I’d left the damn ring. 

“Dave- Davey… please…” His eyes were glossy,

“You’ve been working so late- I’ve barely seen you. I miss you, stupid! I miss you so much!” As if on cue, lighting struck across the sky, but David didn’t stop. “I love you and I just want you to be home because… because I don’t want to not see you anymore and- I miss you so much, Jackie...!”

“I-” I started, confused. He froze,

“Nevermind- you can’t- I wasn’t supposed to-”

“Hey… it’s alright, it’s okay.” I said, pulling him into a hug. He rested his head on my chest, sighing. 

“I don’t want to yell anymore. I just want to be with you, go home and cuddle, okay? I don’t want to be mad at you because it’s not even a big deal… I’m just so stressed and you haven’t been home and- and-”

“You’re allowed to yell at me, Dave, it’s not a big deal.”

It just hadn’t been the right time.

It was now a month later, we were in the kitchen while Dave tried desperately to make dinner. It wasn’t going too well, to say the least. The fire alarm had gone off twice, but it was okay. Davey’s hair was messy, his shirt covered in flour and in his hair. I realized in that moment, as he tried desperately to save the meal, that I loved him more than anything else in my life. I didn’t really know what I was doing until I was on one knee behind him. He looked around frantically for a spatula,

“Jack have you seen the-” His eyes landed on me, his sentence drifting off. He stared at me, blinking for a moment. The towel dropped from his hand and he licked his lips slowly. “You’re..?” I took in a shaky breath, letting it out slowly.

“David Jacobs, I met you in seventh grade and I loved you since I saw you drop all your books on the way home to help a frog get across the street. I’ve been happy every single day with you, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. You’re beautiful and kind, you’re generous and… and I got stupidly lucky getting put next to you in science. My grades were higher than they’d ever been and I got to watch you get a little bit frustrated everytime you messed something up- very cute. Davey, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. We’ve waited for ten years, I don’t see why we should have to wait any longer, so…” I took in another slow breath,

“David Jacobs, will you marry me?” He looked at me a few seconds, tears streaming down his face, before he nodded quickly, holding his hand out towards me. He was shaking, but I managed to get the ring on his finger. He ushered for me to stand up. 

As soon as I got up, his hands were on my sides and he was kissing me. Slowly and sweetly, slowly melting into something more desperate, eventually he was kissing me like his life depended on it. He ran his fingers through my hair, his chest pressed up against mine. He pulled back slowly, his eyes widening. 

“I’m… gonna be your husband.” He smiled wide,

“We’re gonna be husbands, Dave.” I said, tears spilling over my eyes. 

“Jackie?”

“Dave,”

“I love you, so so much.”

“I love you more than all the stars in the sky.” His lip wobbled slightly, he wiped his cheeks before kissing me once more sweetly, he jumped as the fire alarm went off. 

“Oh my god-” He turned around, chuckling. 

“My husband to be is afraid of fire alarms-” I teased as he turned off the stove,

“We’ll do dinner later- right now you’re going to kiss me.”

And so I kissed him.

~~

(POV-Spot Conlon)

The next year or so went by without much else happening, life just went on as normal. Jack proposed to Davey, of course he had said yes. Blink seemed antsy after that to propose to Mush, coming into our apartment one day almost in tears after he’d been so close, but just gotten nervous. I talked him through it, getting him calmed down, but Mush was already coming into our apartment trying to find Blink. He asked him what was wrong, but Blink just shook his head over and over again. Mush spoke in a soft, quiet tone, one I’d almost never seen on him before, 

“Blink, hon’, would you step into the kitchen really quickly?” He asked, Blink nodded, stepping out of the room. “Spot- I don’t know what to do- I was going to ask- I was gonna propose but he’s been so distracted- he seems like he’s always thinking about something… he’s just- I don’t know! It’s like it’s never the right time!” I blinked at him,

“Oh my god- you two are idiots- I swear- just… ask within the next month, okay?” He nodded, confused, 

(POV- Kid Blink)

I paced nervously around the apartment, both of us had seemed stressed for the past while, I didn’t want to argue but… we both knew it was coming. I don’t even know what started it, but suddenly we were yelling at each other about everything that we’d been worried about and all for the past few months. 

“Everytime we do anything, you look so distant- like… like you’re thinking about something and you won’t talk to me! I just need you to tell me what’s wrong because I’m so, so worried about you!” He shouted,

“I can’t tell you, Mush! I can’t tell anyone! I just- I have to get it over with, but anything I try to tell you, you look the same, like you’re just waiting to do something but it’s never the right time!” I yelled. He looked at me desperately,

“Well- I have a reason!”

“So do I!” It was quiet. 

“Well, maybe you should tell me!”

“Maybe you should tell me!” I screamed, 

“Will you marry me??” He yelled,

“Fine-” I threw my arms out, but stopped. I realized what he said, it played over and over in my head. “Oh.” I watched as his face dropped. I crossed the room as quickly as I could, digging through my coat pockets. I pulled out a ring box before I appeared back in the living room, 

“It was stupid- oh my god I was so stupid- I didn’t mean to- I just thought- maybe- maybe it was time.” I stood a few feet in front of him. I slowly got down on one knee, presenting the box to him. He gasped loudly, tears springing in his eyes just the same as they had in mine. He nodded quickly, ushering me to stand up and pulling me into a tight hug. He kissed my cheek over and over again, moving to my lips. He cupped my cheeks, kissing me slowly and sweetly. He pulled away after a few seconds, shaking his head. “We’re stupid, Blink.” 

“So- uh-” I bit my lip, smiling wide, “I’ll take that as a yes?” I asked slowly. He punched my arm lightly, 

“I thought I was gonna be asking if you said yes or not,” I smiled, “Oh my god- we did the same thing Jack and Davey did.” I laughed, realizing we had. 

“Did you tell anybody?” I asked, curious. I knew Mush wouldn’t have kept it all to himself, he would’ve needed to tell someone. I just didn’t know anyone he could’ve told who would’ve kept their mouth shut, except for-

“Yeah, Spot.” He said, scratching the back of his neck. “That day when you went over there, I was worried and-”

“Spot, Spot Conlon?” I asked, confirming. He nodded, an eyebrow raised. “Oh- that motherfucker-” I almost bolted out the door, but Mush grabbed my arm,

“What’s wrong?”

“He didn’t tell me?? He knew that I was going to- Oh that motherfucker!” I shouted. Mush just started laughing beside me. 

“Hey- I’m pretty glad it turned out like this, y’know?” He kissed the tip of my nose. I blushed, “Woah- wait- I made you blush- you liked that?” 

“Dumbass- I liked it since the first time you did it when we were sixteen-” I teased. He did the same thing again quickly. 

“You blush every time.” He smirked. 

“Oh my god- hold on.” I took a small step back, looking him over. “You’re gonna be my husband.” I said. He smiled wide, 

“And you will be mine.” He bit his lip, smiling. 

“I love you, Mush Meyers.” 

“I love you too, Blink Larkins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> I really, really want to write a story around Javid with everything with the frog and the science seating placement-
> 
> (^I'm definitely going to write it :)
> 
> QOTD: If I wrote a Javid centered fic that would be like a prequel to this one would you read it? I'm very much thinking about it-
> 
> I would probably post the first chapter sometime after mid-July?
> 
> I hope you lovelies have a wonderful day and stay safe!


	20. Translations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race says something in Italian and Spot half-understands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) 
> 
> This is almost it, boys
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

I sat on the couch with Race, absentmindedly running my fingers through his hair. He looked up at me through eyes filled with some emotion I couldn’t quite place. He sat up out of nowhere, cupping my cheek and kissing me slowly and sweetly, my eyes fluttered closed. He pulled back with a soft breath before pecking my lips another two times. He muttered something under his breath, I barely caught it. 

“You’re addicting, Spot Conlon.” I held his waist,

“Why do you say that?”

“I- I don’t know how to explain it quite right… no matter how many times I kiss you, I want more- I need more. I need more of your laugh and your voice, of your touches and feeling your hands in my hair and… you’re just… addicting, all around.” He whispered. 

I knew he didn’t mean it how I wanted him to mean it. 

…

Right?

“Just kiss me again,” I said breathlessly, closing the distance between us yet again. 

We kissed for a few minutes, just enjoying being with each other when I felt his lip quiver slightly. His hands pulled my hair just a little bit harder (not that I was complaining- but I was worried) and his breath coming out stuttered. I felt his cheek brush against mine, wet. I pulled back a few inches,

“Racer?” I whispered. He looked off to the side, shaking his head. “What’s wrong?” I asked,

“I can’t do this…” He mumbled, “I- I can’t…” His voice broke. 

“Hey hey- we don’t gotta do anything, okay?” He looked at me, tears spilling over. 

“I can’t do this! I- this is wrong, Spot- I can’t kiss you- I can’t do this anymore because it hurts me!” I stared at him.

I… I had been hurting him..?

We’d been kissing for two years…

Had I been hurting him for two years?

“I… hurt you?”

“I- Spot… it isn’t you it’s- it’s this.” He motioned between us. 

“I- that’s me. The only parts to this are me and you… it isn’t you so it’s… it’s me. I’m… I’m hurting you.” I was breathless by the end. “Race- I didn’t mean to- I don’t know what I did but I promise I never meant to hurt you- we never have to kiss again- I- I won’t hurt you.” I said. 

“No you… you don’t understand, Spot…” He took in a shaky breath, “Non possiamo farlo perché sono così, così innamorato di te.” He said. I felt my heart stop.

Maybe a year ago, right about when Mush found out that Race and I had sex, during Jack’s big sleepover while that huge snowstorm was here, I mentioned the fact that he spoke Italian and I thought it was stupidly adorable. Mush just looked at me and spoke like it was the most casual thing, 

“Vuoi imparare L'italiano?” He looked over at me with a smirk, “Do you want to learn Italian?” I stared at him,

“You speak Italian??” I yelled, he chuckled,

“I took it in highschool because I was bored and needed to take a language, figured Race could help me out with it. I ain’t the best, but I get the gist of it.” He shrugged. 

“Wait- can you- would you teach me?” He shrugged,

“Perchè no?” He smiled, “Why not?” I pumped my fists in the air.

It had taken about a year, and I was far from fluent, it took me a few seconds to translate anything. 

I must’ve translated wrong.

I had to have been wrong.

We can’t do it because I’m so, so in love with you.

I replayed it a few times in my head, 

“Did… did you say ‘Non possiamo farlo perché sono così, così innamorato di te’..?” I asked slowly, echoing it back to him perfectly. He stiffened in my arms. 

“You don’t… how did you… you don’t speak Italian-” He pulled back so quickly, I was surprised he didn’t get whiplash. “Oh my god.” He whispered before standing up and bolting towards our bedroom door. I got up as quick as I could to chase after him- 

“Hold on- Racer-” He had already shut the door, I knew he was holding it shut. “Race- please-” I pleaded with him for a few minutes before I shouted, “Race- open this goddamn door- I’m not throwing away my chance at this.” I heard a different kind of silence from the one before, this one hung heavier until I heard him shift. I pushed open the door, looking around frantically. I saw him on the bed, holding his head in his hands. “Race… hey- hey- I didn’t mean to yell… it’s okay, you’re alright… I ain’t mad- I… Race… could you look at me real quick?” I asked. He looked up at me hesitantly. I brushed his tears away with my thumb, “You don’t got any reason to cry, hon’... could you tell me what you said? Mush… Mush taught me for a year or so but… I ain’t the best at translating… I wanna make sure I got it right, okay?” He spoke quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

“I can’t do this because I- I’m really… I’m in love with you, Spottie.” I stared at him a few seconds, my eyes running over his face before I let out a soft chuckle, I covered my mouth as I dissolved into a fit of laughs and tears. I calmed myself down after a good thirty seconds wiping my nose and turning to him. 

“Can I kiss you?” I asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Don’t you understand? I can’t kiss you because it hurts me because I know you don’t feel the same.”

“Oh my god-” I stared at him, “Race- Race… I’m so, so stupidly and obviously in love with you. I have been since I met you. You’re beautiful and- and kind and I want to spend every day of my life with you by my side. I want to help you up when you’re down and- and I want you to be happy, and I can’t imagine my life without you being in it.” He stared at me. 

“You’re serious?” He asked after a few seconds. I nodded quickly. He tackled me down against the bed, kissing me like his life depended on it. He pulled back for a few seconds, only to return and repeat the same few words over and over again, “I love you, I love you, I love you I love you- I love you, Spot-” His hands were in my hair, it was perfect. “I’ve told you everyday- I don’t know if that’s weird or- or creepy- I told you in Italian for a few months but… but one day you looked at me confused, like you might’ve understood? So I did it in Italian when I woke up before you…”

“Wait- I thought I heard you wrong- I could’ve told you months ago??” He chuckled,

“We’re stupid.” He shook his head. I cupped his face and pulled him into a rough kiss. 

“I realized I loved you when you asked me to dance out in the rain.” He gasped out of nowhere,

“Wait- hold on- trust me, okay?” He jumped off me, pulling me out towards a small open area on the ground, he dropped down to one knee, taking my hand in his. 

“So uh- Spot Conlon, may I be given the honor of being your boyfriend..?” He asked slowly, nervously. 

It was just the same as he had done out in the rain two and a half years ago. 

“Yes, Racetrack Higgins, you may.” I said. He kissed my hand sweetly, the butterflies still fluttered in my chest as he stood up. I cupped his cheek, “You’re still as much of a dork as you were then.” I whispered. 

“You still love it,” He teased, 

“Yeah- yeah, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> I hope I wrote it well!
> 
> QOTD: Opinions on this chapter??
> 
> (I loved it- just wish I would've wrote it a little bit longer)
> 
> I hope you lovelies are doing well and staying safe!


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot Conlon has known Racetrack Higgins for twelve years, and been his loving boyfriend for eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little chapter to close everything up :)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the final chapter!

It was July 22nd. 

Spot had known Racetrack Higgins for nearly twelve years after being yelled at from a van on what was the shittiest day of his life, turned around by one drunk guy. 

Now, the two of us were in the kitchen of our new house, Race was making pasta and I was trying frantically to get the flour out from behind the microwave. How did it get there? I had no idea. 

We’d known each other for twelve years and dated for eight. 

I was just about to tease Race about the flour thing, turning around to smirk at him. He always did look cutest while he was cooking homemade food, flour usually ending up on his cheek and in his hair. 

He did look very cute now, but that wasn’t really the first thing I noticed. 

It was more the position he was in. 

And the fact that he had an engagement ring in a box, opened up towards me. 

I dropped the rag, my hands covering my mouth as tears sprung up in my eyes. 

“So… Spot Conlon, may I be granted the honor of being your one and only..?” He asked, just as timidly as he had when he asked to be my boyfriend. 

“Yes- yes oh my god-” I thought for a few seconds, biting my tongue in a smile, “Yes, Racetrack Higgins, you may.” He reached out for my hand, pressing a kiss to my knuckles before and after sliding the ring onto my finger. He stood up, cupping my cheeks and kissing me sweetly. I smirked against his lips, “You’re still a dork.” 

“Mhmm, and you still love it.” 

“Damn right.”

~~

Now, they stood in the backyard of their secluded house, surrounded by friends and family. 

It was stupidly cheesy, but it was them. 

Each of us echoed two simple words, 

“I do,”

And they kissed. 

Race almost cried when he found the little notepad in Spot’s bedside table, only a few words in it, with a date twelve years back. 

Things I like:  
The rain  
Fridays  
Racetrack Higgins

It was a Friday, fourteen years ago, when Spot met Race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand that's a wrap
> 
> This was the first fic I wrote longer than like 10k and oh boy. I want to thank each and every one of you who has made it this far, it meant the world to me and your comments/kudos/hits are what kept the story going. 
> 
> I'm going to write a javid fic next, so be on the lookout for that~
> 
> QOTD: Final opinions?
> 
> This was a wild ride, I thank all of you for sticking through it with me.   
> (Just would like to say- this whole thing started out with just the idea of Race yelling to Spot to get in the van. The only sentence I knew I was going to write was the first 'Spot met Race on a Friday' and that is kinda why I looped back to it for the final sentence)
> 
> And as always, I hope you lovelies have a fantastic day and stay safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Comments and Kudos make my day!
> 
> I appreciate all Comments, whether it's a review, pointing out something I wrote wrong, constructive criticism (-please note the word constructive- no unnesicary negitivity in these parts), theories for where the story will go, recommendations for shorter fics (maybe even long ones..?), little nice comments, etc.
> 
> Subscribe to Dani_Chameleon for notifications when I update!
> 
> Love you guys~


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